She’s there.
Withhim.
I gave her a choice, and she didn’t choose me.
I told her this would happen. Love can only take you so far. If Rich gave her the kind of stability our relationship may never have, can I blame her for going back to him?
Yeah. I think I can. I let myself fall hard and deep. Now I feel completely fucked.
I didn’t handle things the best way last night, but when I saw another empty glass on the bar, I panicked. She was drinking with a big, alluring idea in her head—who knows what she might’ve done? After months of watching her come apart with even a hint of negative feedback, I wasn’t about to let her put herself in front of a firing squad. Not until we’d discussed it thoroughly, and I’d figured out a better way to explain how risky going public would be. She’d have nowhere left to hide. No armor to deflect judgment. Just me, and I’m not sure how much longer I could’ve gone trying to preempt anything that might’ve hurt her.
“Finn.”
I shoot up in bed, my heart nearly jumping out of my chest. Halston stands with one hand curled around the inside of her dry elbow, still in her dress, tights, and pumps. I look at the clock. 7:49 A.M. She’s never up and dressed this early on a weekend. For one selfish moment, I hope she’s been wandering around all night, but I know it isn’t true. She’s been with him.
I sit up against the headboard. “What are you doing here?” I ask, my voice scratchy.
She flinches. “I’m sorry about last night.”
“Me too.”
The sun highlights the bags under her eyes. The bright red color of her cheeks tells me she’s been crying. It’s not enough to make me go to her.
She steps into the room, taking off her shoes. “We hit a hundred thousand,” she says. “Even without the last photo. Happy birthday.”
I clench my teeth together. Again with this shit. I’m so fucking tired of hearing about followers, likes, comments. “Why are you here?” I repeat.
Her chin trembles. “For you. I get it now. I understand it better.”
“Yeah? Explain it to me.”
“None of us are without our faults or even . . . mistakes. I’m not saying I’ll accept being manipulated or controlled, but I’m beginning to see that it’s always come from a good place. Even with Rich.”
“Stop.”
“But—”
“I don’t know what this is, but if you’re here to justify going back to him, you can turn around and leave.”
“That’s not what I’m doing. I’ll just get to the point. I had a long talk with my dad this morning. He came to Rich’s. I’ve been fighting him for so long, and I’m tired. So is he. We have work to do, but I know he loves me and wants what’s best for me.He’strying to understand that I’m the one who knows what that is, not him. Ten years ago, he didn’t think he had any other option but to get me professional care.” She takes a breath. “And now, it’s like I’ve opened my eyes. If I’m not angry at him, I can see you and Rich better. You want to protect me out of love, nothing more. Am I right?”
All I ever did was love her, hard. It’s defeating to try and explain that to her. I’m happy she’s finally getting there, but I also feel other things about it. Things I don’t yet understand. Like will her sentience keep? Was last night just a preview of what’s to come down the line? And am I ready for a potential lifetime of that?
The answer is yes. I can handle it. Or, I could have, before she made her decision and got into that cab.
“I want to keep you safe and happy because I love you,” I say carefully. “I love you so much, Hals, it hurts. Is it supposed to hurt?”
“A little, I think,” she says, her voice breaking. “It never hurt with anyone else, not like this. Doesn’t that mean something?”
“It means when you can’t handle the pain, you’ll go to them. The ones who can’t hurt you.”
She shakes her head. “That’s not true.”
“You did it last night.”
She swallows. A few tears leak over her cheeks. I want to go to her, take her in my arms, tell her I forgive her for what she did. The one thing—the only thing—I asked her not to ever do. Go back to him. Choose something or someone over me, the way everyone else in my life has. Because there’s only one way to describe what that choice did to us.
“Deal breaker,” I tell her. “I could’ve forgiven you anything else. Just not this.”
