I turn around.
“Not because I wanted your journal . . . I mean, I did, but not for this—” He calls after me. “Where are you going?”
My chest hurts. He was supposed to be my everything. My rock, my soul mate. I trusted him. “Away from you.”
“I told—no, Iaskedyou not to take off.” He follows me through the restaurant. He was right, the guests heard everything. They’re silent as we pass through. “I don’t know how to reason with you without coming off like your dad,” he says. “I’ve been walking on eggshells since we met, trying not to come off like him, but you know what I think? Maybe you haven’t been completely fair to him. You’re not being fair to me.”
Siding with my dad, just like Rich. I really fucked up, thinking this relationship was any different. Even if Rich tried to keep me in a box, at least he didn’t pretend he wasn’t doing that.
I want to see him.
The thought surprises me, but it’s true. I want to see Rich right now—as a friend. I don’t have many of those, and Rich was my closest one for two years. For all his faults, he’s always been there when I needed him. My dad lives an hour away and if I show up drunk to his house, he’ll never let me live it down.
I exit the building to hail a cab.
“You’re going home, right?” Finn asks behind me.
“I don’t want to go back to thatfuckingapartment. I feel like I’ve been cooped up there for months.”
“I thought you were happy there.” The hurt in his voice is evident, but then he speaks again. “I don’t think you should go out. I’m sorry, I know saying this won’t make things easier, but you don’t need to drink any more tonight.”
As a cab pulls over, I whirl on Finn. I want to lock him out the way he did to me, except that I have no control over anything in our business. That’s not true for our relationship, though. I want to hurt him. “I’ll go home when I feel like it. I’ll drink what I want, talk to who I want,postwhat I want.” My hands are in two tight fists. “I need you to change the password back.”
His tie is crooked, his honey-colored hair disheveled, but he looks nothing less than gorgeous and perfect. “No.”
“It’s my business too.”
“You can’t make such a huge decision while you’re in this state.”
“Change it back. Tonight.” I open the door to the cab’s backseat. “We’rethis closeto our goal—”
“I don’t give a shit about that,” he cries, taking my elbow to pull me from the car. “Who gives a fuck how many followers we have?”
“I do,” I say through a film of tears. “You made me care. You pushed me to do this, and now you’re trying to make me feel stupid for wanting it.”
“I never pushed you, Hals, and I’m not trying to make you feel stupid. I’m saying that’s not important right now—”
“Toyou. Let me go.”
“Tous. And no.”
“Youknow what’s important to me?” I shove my palms into his chest, and he releases me but doesn’t budge. “You think you know better?” I ask.
“No.”
I try to take a deep breath, but I can’t catch one. “Why don’t you just put me back on the fucking drugs? What made me think you’d accept me like this?” I push him again, and he grabs my wrists. “Is this what you signed up for? A crazy person? Is it?”
He spins me around to hug me from behind. “This isn’t you,” he says, his hands cold and firm as they keep me in place. “You’re somewhere else right now. Come back to me, Hals.”
My heart pounds a mile a minute. I should’ve done this months ago, before I fell so hard. I knew deep down—nobody wants someone like me. I’m troubled. I make bad decisions. “Thisisme. Let go.”
“No.”
“You can’t handle me. Nobody can, and maybe I’m better off without any of you. Letgoof me.”
“No. I’m not letting you go. You can fight me all you want, but I love you.”
“I’m going to Rich.” It just comes out.
