“I’d certainly sleep easier knowing you were there, and maybe it’s selfish, but I’d prefer not to have to leave NewYork.”
Leave the city? I’d never even considered it. It’d been my home since my early twenties, and the thought of starting over somewhere new made my heart pound. I loved it here, but I’d never really been anywhere else. I’d gone from my childhood home in Buffalo to college upstate to the city. If I wanted a challenge, leaving the life I knew was one way to doit.
“Can I think about it?” Iasked.
“Absolutely, but not too long. Things are already in motion. You said you’re about done atModern Man, so why don’t you take Bruno and spend a few days in Boston, see how you likeit.”
“We’ve been,” Isaid.
“I know, but you’ve probably never looked at it through the lens of livingthere.”
Me. Living inBoston.
Home to my rivalteam.
To a top veterinary cardiologist in thecountry.
And the one place Sebastian would nevergo.
I pushed that thought from my mind. This wasn’t about him—it couldn’tbe.
I hung up with Dionne in a daze. “What do you think?” I asked Bruno, playing with his big old floppy ears. “Could you see yourself in Boston? Maybe a change would do usgood.”
I wiped a white string of slobber off my skirt. No wonder I spent so much on dry cleaning bills. I couldn’t get more than one wear out of an outfit while Bruno was around. “And of course, I’d make more money,” I added. “Sounds good, doesn’t it?” I angled to look at him. “Bruno?”
There was more slobber on my leg than before, only now it was foamier. His breathing became labored as he stared off into the distance. Before I could even register what was happening, he started to whine, his eyes darting around as if he didn’t see me. He convulsed a fewtimes.
His body wentstiff.
The air around me vanished, my vision sharpening on Bruno’s twitching whiskers, the pink insides of his eyes, the moisture on his nostril. This couldn’t be happening. Not now. Not already. We still had time left,we. . .
My throat thickened as the room tunneled. My muscles lockedup.
And I sat there with no clue what todo.
No, Iknewwhat to do, but I couldn’tremember.
My vet had run crisis drills with me, but I’d never had to put any of them intopractice.
Tears sprung to my eyes. My heartbeat took over my entire body. This was it. My worst nightmare playing out in front of me, and I was frozen infear.
I couldn’t freeze, though. Couldn’t fuck this up. It wasn’t anoption.
Bruno whined again. Or were my ears ringing? Was he having a seizure? Why was he sostill?
I squeezed my eyes shut and forced myself to think back to my conversation with Doctor Rimmel. If this was a seizure, nothing could be done until it was over except to make him comfortable. His eyes were open, though, and he’d stopped jerking, only his paws spasming as if he weredreaming.
I took a deep breath and slowly picked up my phone from the couch. “It’s okay, baby,” I said, bile rising in my throat as I unlocked the screen with shaky fingers. I ordered a cab from the company that normally took us to the vet just as Bruno’s eyes rolled to the back of his head and he lostconsciousness.
“Oh my god,” I said, shaking him. “Bruno?”
When he didn’t respond, I jumped up, ran to the entryway with a stack of magazines, and propped open the door. Hitching Bruno’s emergency bag over my shoulder, I shoved my feet in my heels and hurried back to Bruno while zipping up my skirt. “You’re okay, baby. We’re okay.” I kneeled beside him. “I’m going to pick you up now—justrelax.”
Noresponse.
If I’d had time, or courage, I would’ve checked for a pulse. I slipped my arms under his body and lifted, but he didn’t budge. “No,” I whispered so he wouldn’t wake up to the despair in my voice. My body couldn’t fail me now. Bruno weighed almost as much as I did, but so fucking what? Couldn’t a jolt of adrenaline give me superhuman strength? I tried again to no avail and stood, running my hands through my hair. I bolted into the hallway to bang on the door of my six-foot-something neighbor who always seemed to be coming home from thegym.
After a few seconds, I rushed back into the apartment. I dialed Luciano—no answer. I tried Bruno’s dogsitter next—nothing. I steeled myself, bent my knees as I slipped my arms underneath him, and put everything I had intoit.
