“I’m not selling anything. I’m simply saying how Ifeel.”
It occurred to me that our roles had flipped. Now, I was the one at the front of the room asking to be let in, and she was pretending she didn’t care—the same way I’d dismissed her at our very first meeting. Why had I treated her that way? Out of pure fear. I’d been terrified of change, loss, and failure. “You’re scared,” Isaid.
She slammed her laptop shut. “Yes, I am. Of repeating mypast.”
“The last thing I want is for you to think I tried to exploit your kindness,” I said. “You know that’s one of the things that drew me to you in the first place.” She opened her mouth looking ready to protest, but I cut her off. “Notweakness.Kindness.”
“And what happens if I forgive you this time? What if I pick a restaurant or neighborhood or vacation spot you don’t like?” She opened her hand on the table. “Will your first instinct always be that I should sacrifice so you can have what you want? Will mine be to give it toyou?”
I clenched my jaw. That fucking hurt. “After the day we had, after I cut myself open and bled to you all the things I can’t talk about, you’re going to keep treating me likeNeal?”
Her cheeks reddened. “As soon as I admitted I had feelings for you, I started acting the same way I did in thatrelationship.”
“You’re acting chickenshit is what you’re doing,” Isaid.
She pulled back. “This ismylife, and I’m not going to second-guess myself because you don’t understandit.”
I took a breath, an attempt at composure as she burrowed deeper under my skin. “I’m trying here, Georgina. What I’m failing to articulate is that I’m not ready to call it quits. I made a mistake this morning, and I’m apologizing because you’re one of the best things that has happened to me in a long time.” I shoved a hand through my hair, looking for a way to ask for what I wanted while being sensitive to her fears. “I want this to work. Does me telling you that feel like I’m pushingyou?”
She glanced at the table. “No.”
“Then that’s what I want.” I paused. “And if you’re walking away from somethingyouwant becauseIwas an idiot, then you’re still letting a man dictate yourdecisions.”
“That’s ridiculous,” she said, anger threading herwords.
“But true.” I tossed the Butterfinger on the table. “For when yourcravingshittonight.”
I returned to my office, leaving her to glare after me. Did the truth hurt? Good. At least she wasn’t indifferent. I’d been in the enemy zone for months and the relationship zone for a night. But indifference? Give me death. Because it was true what they said—therewasa thin line between love and hate, and while it existed, I still had a shot withher.
24
Georgina
As my apartmentbuilding’s ancient elevator ascended, I sagged against a wall until the doors opened at my floor. I didn’t think I could get any more tired after falling for, making love to, and breaking up with Sebastian in under forty-eight hours. Seeing him at work today had been hard and avoiding him was evenharder.
Especially since I always wanted to know where he was, what he was working on, and who he waswith.
As usual, Bruno heard me coming down the hall. His nails clicked the wood floors inside as I unlocked the door. One step in and he was circling me, wagging his tail and whining forattention.
“Hi, baby boy,” I cooed, ruffling his fur. No matter how my week was going, this would always make it better. I kissed the top of his head. “How was yourday?”
I dropped my keys in the handmade ceramic bowl my mom had sent me for my last birthday and headed into the kitchen. Fortunately, Gordie had been able to stay late so I could finish up at work. I’d gotten so much done without Sebastian around, there wasn’t even much left toaccomplish.
When I noticed Bruno’s food bowl was full, I pulled Gordie’s note from a magnet on the fridge. “Couldn’t get him to eattonight.”
At my side, Bruno nudged his face into my hip. Unlike most dogs, he didn’t go crazy over his meals, but he didn’t skip them that often. “Youhungry?”
I picked up his bowl, added a little more wet food on top, and set it back down. Once he’d sniffed it and began to eat, I unzipped my skirt and flopped onto the couch with my trusty remote. I’d only managed to turn on the TV when Bruno wandered out of the kitchen and jumped onto the couch. He put his head in mylap.
“There’s no way you ate that fast,” I said to him. “What’s up,buddy?”
He sighed, raising big gray-blueeyes.
I pet his head. “You’re needy tonight. Maybe I’ve been neglecting youlately.”
Apparently, ignoring the ones I cared about took it out of me. Or, maybe like me, Bruno was just missing his new friend Sebastian. As if trying not to think about him wasn’t hard enough, he’d already called once since I’d left theoffice.
I wasn’t ready to talk. My emotions were still running high, and that would only get me into trouble. I wasn’t smooth like him—I’d proven myself susceptible to giving in to others when I didn’t even know I was doingit.
