With that, Alyssa made a hasty exit. Her willpower was crumbling with every second she spent in Evelyn’s presence. The little devil that sat on her shoulder admonished her for passing up the opportunity to know Evelyn in a carnal way. But she wouldn’t give into lust, not when this—whatever this was—felt monumental.
She was falling for Evelyn Crawford. Properly, terrifyingly falling. And that changed everything.
The other part of her also knew she needed to think about Josh. Nothing had happened between them physically. Well, a kiss on the cheek as they parted ways, but that was enough to set Alyssa’s stomach rolling with guilt. Leading people on was not her thing—she detested it.
When Josh had finally bucked up the courage to ask her out, Alyssa had been on the verge of declining. Her feelings for Evelyn were already surpassing anything she’d felt before, consuming her thoughts in a way that should have thrilled her.
Instead, it terrified her.
So she’d said yes to Josh. Not because she wanted to, but because panic had seized her by the throat and wouldn’t let go.
What if she let herself fall completely for Evelyn and lost herself in the process? What if she got so enamoured that Four Paws—her life’s work, her purpose—fell by the wayside? She’dbuilt the sanctuary from nothing, had poured every ounce of herself into it. What if loving Evelyn meant neglecting the dogs who depended on her?
And what if Evelyn didn’t want anything substantial anyway? They were both busy women. Evelyn was constantly stressed, constantly tired, constantly carrying the weight of Crawford’s on her shoulders. Wouldn’t a relationship with Alyssa just add to that burden? What if Evelyn realized Alyssa was too much—too intense, too needy, too inexperienced at this whole “real feelings” thing?
Then there was Lil. Her best friend, her business partner, the person who’d been by her side through everything. What would Lil think if Alyssa suddenly started devoting time away from the shelter? Would she feel abandoned? Betrayed? Would their friendship survive Alyssa choosing someone else for once?
Basically, her mind had gone on a grand tour of Catastrophizing Central, population: one panicking pansexual. And in that spiral of terror and self-sabotage, she’d ended up sitting across from Josh in a restaurant, feeling absolutely nothing except the crushing certainty that she’d made a terrible mistake.
Because the only person she wanted to be having dinner with was Evelyn.
The shrill noise of Alyssa’s phone filled her car as she travelled home.
“Hey, Lil.”
“Where you at? Did you go home with Josh?”
“No, I didn’t,” Alyssa tutted. It’s not like she just fell into bed with everyone. Well, mostly not. Okay, occasionally she did. Rolling her eyes, she returned her concentration to the road.
“Where are you then? Because I’m outside your house and you ain’t in it!”
“I’ll be five minutes, okay? Let yourself in and pop the kettle on. I could do with a chat.”
“Oh, sounds juicy. I’ll stick a pizza in, too.”
“I already ate.”
“Good for you. I haven’t.”
Laughing, Alyssa signed off the call. Maybe talking her dilemma out with Lil was the best thing. Her brain certainly wasn’t capable of sorting itself out, that’s for sure.
“Cuppa’s on the side,” Lil called from the bathroom.
Alyssa dumped her bag on the floor, kicked off her shoes, and slunk to the kitchen to retrieve her much needed tea.
“Hey there, lady.” Lil parked herself on the chair next to Alyssa, appraising her look.
“Hey to you, too.”
“Oh, that’s not the voice of someone who just had a date with a hot guy.” Lil’s tone was pointed, and Alyssa caught the edge of disapproval in it.
Alyssa pressed the palms of her hands to her eyeballs. “I had a great time with Josh…”
“Did you, though?” Lil asked, her voice flat. “Because I still don’t understand why you agreed to go out with him in the first place.”
“Lil—”
“No, seriously, Alyssa. You’ve been spending every spare moment with Evelyn. You light up when you talk about her. You bake dog treats together, for God’s sake. And then Josh asks you out and you just…say yes? What was that about?”
