The smell of roast chicken assaulted Alyssa’s senses as soon as she stepped inside. Her mobile home wasn’t exactly palatial, so it took little for the entire space to absorb smells from the kitchen.
“Hey,” she called, dumping her bag on the sofa. The style of mobile home Alyssa had chosen was an open plan unit. She watched Hannah pull out the chicken from the oven and set it down.
“Hi, glad you’re home,” Hannah called. An uneasy feeling was swimming around Alyssa’s stomach. The more she thought about it and the more she observed, the clearer it became. Hannah was acting like her girlfriend.
“I thought I was going to call you later?” Alyssa said, scratching the back of her head. This was so uncomfortable.
“Well, I was coming over anyway, right? Thought a nice cooked meal would be welcomed.”
“Yeah, yeah, sure. Um, I’m just super tired. Had a really long day and tomorrow is going to be crazy.”
Alyssa could see the disappointment wash over Hannah’s face. “Oh, of course, I’m sorry. I should have called and let you know I was planning to come over early. My bad. I’ll just grab my stuff.” Hannah made her way towards the front door, where her coat and handbag were stowed.
Feeling like an arse, Alyssa bolted over and took Hannah’s hand in hers. It was out of order to behave like that to her friend. They might sleep together now and then, but Hannah was and would always be her mate, not just some random hook-up.
“Sorry, Han, sorry. Don’t go, the chicken smells awesome.”
Hannah hesitated for a few seconds. “Are you sure?”
“Yes, completely. Although…” Alyssa trailed off. No, she didn’t want Hannah to feel bad, but they had to clear a few things up. Obviously, they weren’t on the same page anymore.
“Although?” Hannah parroted.
“I think we need to talk, Hannah. About us.” The glint of hope in Hannah’s eyes made Alyssa want to slap herself. Surely she could’ve found a better way to have phrased that sentence. One that didn’t give Hannah false hope. “Come on, sit down for a minute.”
They made the two-step journey to the settee. Alyssa took a breath. It had been a while since she’d had to let someone down. The last person was Paul. Alyssa had only been out with him a handful of times before she realised he was way more invested than she was.
“Hannah,” she began, not sure how to continue.
“I want you to be my girlfriend, Al,” Hannah blurted.
Oh God.
“Hannah, are you still planning on moving to Scotland?”
“Well, yeah, but that’s a long-term plan. I’m not going anywhere for a while.”
“See, that’s the thing. My long-term plan is to stay right here and run the sanctuary.”
“I know, but that’s something we can talk about in the future, right?”
“There’s nothing to talk about, Han. The sanctuary is my life’s work. I love it. It’s my passion. There’s no scenario I can see where I would pack it up, even to relocate. This is my home, and I don’t want to move.”
“But—”
“Hannah, there’s a reason I don’t commit. You know that. I thought we were on the same page.”
“I can’t help developing feelings, Alyssa.”
“And I can’t fake what I don’t feel.” Oops, that was a bit too blunt. Alyssa could see the tears building in Hannah’s eyes. “Shit, I didn’t mean it like that. You are one of my closest friends. I love you, but not in the way you want or deserve.”
“You won’t even try?” Hannah let out a sob as the first tear slipped down her cheek.
“It would be cruel of me to do that to you, Han. Knowing that we wouldn’t work but still leading you on.” Alyssa shook her head. “I won’t hurt you that way.”
“I’m hurting now,” Hannah hiccuped.
“And I hate it. I’m so angry with myself for not noticing you were feeling more than me, but don’t you see? That’s how it is with me. Unless you are the sanctuary, I’m not going to notice. You don’t want someone like me to be your girlfriend, Hannah. You want someone who treats you like the Queen you are. Someone who only wants your attention and who wants to give you all of theirs.”
