I love Lorenzo with all my heart. And I know he won’t stop loving me for asking this of him. I need out. I’d hoped to reach a point where the Ferrante family name was known for its good business practices instead of our role in the Mafiosi. There is still work to do before that dream can be a reality. I don’t think I can wait that long.
I’m not sure if Bonnie wants more than these last few weeks with me, but I intend to find out. First, I need to speak with Lorenzo before I chicken out. His office is in darkness when I arrive and begin pacing. It won’t be long until he arrives, though. Lorenzo might not be the head of the house, but old habits die hard. Poring over meaningless paperwork keeps his mind occupied as he adjusts to his new normal. I think I’m about to blow up his new normal into something neither of us recognise.
As predicted, Lorenzo walks in half an hour later. The constant back and forth has helped expel some of my nervous energy. He looks pale and, somehow, older. I pour us both a drink as he sinks into his office chair.
“Drink,” I say, pushing the tumbler into his hand.
We both throw back the amber liquid and sigh. “Thank you, Allegra. I owe you everything.”
“I’m not sure you’ll be thanking me after tonight.”
He leans back and surveys me as I sit opposite him. “Did something happen with Giani?”
I shake my head. “No… Yes. Too much has happened, Lorenzo.”
“What do you mean? Tell me, Allegra.”
I brace myself. “I want out, Lorenzo.” He stares at me. “I don’t want to be officially named as the Donna to the Ferrante family.”
“Where is this coming from? It’sallyou’ve ever wanted. You told me that many times.”
I can’t fault him for being confused. He’s right. It’s what I strived for every day of my life with him—until recently.
Where do I begin to get him to understand? “You know I’ve been pulling us away from the more traditional work this family is used to.”
He’s not a stupid man, and I’m not naïve enough to think he never peeked at the books or the everyday running of the family businesses. He nods.
I continue, “I told myself it was the smart play. We both know, as we’ve discussed before, the feds are a hair’s breadth away from taking us down. It’s inevitable. The only way to save our family from prison is to cut ties—be fully legit in everything we do and hope they can’t pin any of our past transgressions on us.”
“And you’ve achieved that?”
“Apart from the art shipments.”
He shrugs. “Out of everything that goes on around here, a bit of art theft is nothing.”
“Sure, until you realise we’re still dealing with the same hazards. We still have to operate with dangerous people.Wehave to be dangerous people. And I don’t want to be that, Lorenzo—not anymore. I don’t want to have to be the Ice Bitch for the rest of my life. It took meeting Bonnie to really understand that.”
“Bonnie? What’s she got to do with it? Her life is in the UK.”
I nod. “It started with her abduction and how much of a colossal fuck up it all was. I hated how she looked at me and I hated how I acted. I was angry and made mistakes. But the worst part of it was the anger itself. I’d started losing myself, only seeing value in the power I could attain. Whether or not we managed to get away from the Mafiosi label didn’t matter. I focused all my energy on proving my worthiness of acquiring and holding the Donna title.”
“But you’ve never had a problem with our lifestyle.”
“I didn’t know any better, Lorenzo. I didn’t know I wanted anything different.”
“Until Bonnie showed up.”
“Yes. We grew close. Once she stopped fighting me, we talked—got to know each other a little.”
“And more?” he asks.
“Yes. But she doesn’t belong in this world. I wouldn’t want her to. You must feel the same.”
He closes his eyes briefly. “No, I don’t want her in it either, and I promised her fathers she’d never get caught up in it again.”
“So tell me this, Lorenzo: How do you expect to have a relationship with her while you’re still here, living the life of a mob boss?”
“I don’t. It’s a decision I’ve been wrestling with.”
