He skips to the bar. I watch him grab a fresh bottle of sparkling water out of the fridge. Instead of passing me the bottle, he goes to the trouble of pouring it into a glass with ice and a slice of lemon. It’s a stalling tactic, and that’s okay.
“Here you go,” he says. Instead of sitting back down, he shuffles on the spot for a second, looking entirely uncomfortable, until I raise my eyebrow and he sits his bum down with a smile. “I’m sorry, I’m quite nervous,” he admits.
“Me too. But I think that’s normal.”
“You look like her, you know. Maria.”
“Have you got a picture?”
Reaching around to his back pocket, Lorenzo opens his wallet and rifles around for a second. He produces a small photo that makes him smile, but I also see the sadness. I think he really did love my mother, and that’s just tragic. A potential family was torn apart because of…what? Mob politics and jealousy? It makes me so angry.
“Here.”
Taking the picture, I take a steadying breath before letting my eyes drop. I may have Lorenzo’s hair and eye colour, but wow, everything else about me is all Maria. She was gorgeous.
“Gosh.”
“She was the best woman I ever knew. It broke my heart to send her away. If you believe anything, please believe that.”
Tears sting my eyes. “Why didn’t you do more?” I croak.
“Because I was scared, Bonnie. This life has taken everything from me.”
“And yet you haven’t learned your lesson,” I snap.
“You’re right. But once you were gone, I had nothing good left in my life, until Allegra.”
“But… Why didn’t you come for me when your wife died?”
Lorenzo looks at the table, lost in his mind and memories. I let my tears fall. I think it’s the healthiest breakdown I’ve had for a while.
“What could I give you, Bonnie? Your dads were raising you in a loving home, far from violence. I wanted that for you. Hell, I wanted it for Allegra, but this life is all I had to offer. Walking away meant leaving with nothing. No legacy.”
That’s what it comes down to? Legacy? I shake my head. “Legacy. That’s…”
“Selfish and unimportant?”
“Yes. Both.”
“You’re right, of course. But I can’t take back my decisions, Bonnie. God knows I wish I could. I’d do anything to have your mother by my side. I dreamed of the life we would have had as a family.”
“What was she like?”
“Kind and intelligent. She had this light that shone on you whenever she cast her gaze your way. I fell in love with her the second our eyes met. She was a gifted artist and avid reader.”
“Was she… Did she come from one of the families?”
“No,” he says, shaking his head. “Her family were farmers. They were our neighbours for a long time. But we ran in different circles, which is why I didn’t meet her until I was older and already married. Maria had just taken over from her mother, delivering food. We had a big family event on, and our chef only bought fresh ingredients from Maria’s family farm. They were the best. I wanted to check on the food and happened to run into her—literally. I tried to juggle the vegetables I’d knocked from her hand, but I ended up making it all worse,” he laughs, “and that was it. She fell for me just as hard, but it was impossible. We tried to stay away from each other for a long time. I had a wife, and Maria was supposed to marry another man.”
“Giani Arello?”
“Yes. But it wasn’t love. Maria felt forced into it. How could she say no to an Arello? Our attempts to stay away from one another failed. The connection was too strong, and I knew it was true love. Sappy, right?”
“Romantic. Sad, too, but not sappy.”
“She wanted me to run away with her. But I couldn’t. We would never have found peace. When she told me she was pregnant, my first thought was getting her and the baby out of Sicily. She was crushed, and I’ll never forgive myself for putting that look on her face. And for failing her, and you, so spectacularly. I think that’s why I didn’t come for you, Bonnie. I wasn’t worthy.”
“I can’t say it’s not hard to hear,” I begin. “Until last week, I didn’t give you a thought. My dads did a great job, even if Allegra thinks my love of wool garments would say otherwise. Maybe it would have been different if my life hadn’t gone the way it had.”
