“Your daughter,” I say, pointing at each of them, Lorenzo included. “Is lost. She was kidnapped—by me, witnessed a shooting, met her biological father, discovered there is a mob family after her, and was taken out of the country. You think she’s just letting off steam? Do you know her at all? Why am I the only one giving a shit? While you three have been playing Dad of the Year Club, Bonnie has been drowning herself in booze, no thanks to her ass of a friend, Pete. She got so drunk last night she blacked out. Is that just her letting off steam, too?”
As with Pete, the three dipshits look at me agog. “How about you stop whatever the hell this is, and go make sure your child is okay? How about someone here, apart from me, give a damn that we have effectively trashed this poor woman’s life!”
I can’t look at their faces anymore. I storm out and march back to my office. Guilt rolls around my gut. As much as I rant and rave at everyone, at the end of the day, Bonnie’s mental distress lands atmyfeet. It’s my fault. And I don’t know how to undo it.
Maybe Iamthe baddie she believes me to be. I scoff.Of course I am.
17
Bonnie
Therehavebeenseveralthings that have left me speechless over the past week, and none of them compared to hearing Allegra rip into Pete and then my parents; Lorenzo too. It still doesn’t feel right giving him a parental title.
After our talk in her office, I had every intention of going to bed and sleeping until the next day. Pete put pay to that by listening to music far too loud. I was already leaning out my window to give him an earful when I watched Allegra walk over and switch off the music player. I probably should have closed the window and minded my own business, but I was curious. I couldn’t think of a reason for Allegra to speak with Pete.
I listened as Allegra calmly berated Pete. My first instinct was to rush to his defence, but I was frozen, unable to utter a sound. As soon as she finished, the world began to spin again, and I found myself rushing to the stairs with every intention of having some stern words of my own. After all, I didn’t need her fighting my battles—battles I wasn’t convinced were necessary. I mean, sure, Pete encouraged me to stop being dull and live a little, but it was my choice. Granted, any time I tried to talk about how I was feeling, Pete shut the conversation down and shoved another drink in my hand, but it was me who chose to take it.
With Allegra’s added height, her pace was far beyond mine. I had to jog to catch up when I finally saw the direction she’d taken. I was wrong to guess she’d head back to her office. When I found her, she’d stepped into a beautiful building, fresh from renovation.
Once again, I stepped in, ready to have a row with her, but was pinned to the spot. Allegra was standing by a table with my dads and Lorenzo. Her voice was more dangerous than it had been with Pete. I listened to her again and was floored. The woman I’d called the Devil was fighting everyone…for me and my well-being.
The second she huffed out a frustrated breath, I knew she was about to turn and walk in my direction. The adult in me said I should have stayed put and faced it head-on, but as evidenced by my recent behaviour, I was struggling with the concept of adulting as a whole. So I tucked tail and rounded the corner of the building until I was sure she was gone and I could emerge unseen.
I ran straight into my dads, who still looked a little shell-shocked. And this is where I am now; standing in front of my dads without a clue how to approach what I just heard.
“Bonnie,” Pop squeaks. His voice always gets high when he’s stressed.
“I heard her,” I reply, because I can’t lie to them.
Dad looks to the ground and nods to himself. It’s funny how people do that: nod to themselves or shake their heads. Why I’m contemplating that now, I don’t know, but it’s an interesting facet of human behaviour.
“Did you hear me, sweetheart?” Dad says.
I didn’t hear him because my brain hasn’t been able to linger on a single thought all day. It’s like a racecourse up there. Whichever thought pulls ahead is what I latch on to, whether it’s appropriate for the moment or not…just like now. I still haven’t answered him.
“Sorry, Dad, I was miles away. What did you say?”
He takes me by the shoulders. “I asked if you’d come and sit with us for a second.”
“Oh, sure, in there?” I ask, pointing to the restaurant.
“How about the bench under the olive tree?” Pop says. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know he doesn’t want me within a mile of alcohol.
Following close behind, I can’t help but cast a glance over at the villa. What is she doing now?
Sitting between my dads, I hold up my hand. “Before we start, please know I have recognised my pattern of behaviour and understand how destructive it is. I will have a drink, but only when I feel like it, and with food. I learned my lesson after last night.”
They take my hands and squeeze. “We know, honey. We trust your judgement. But we should have been more present. Allegra was right. We should have known better and stepped in earlier. We’re sorry, my love.” Dad is so sincere it almost breaks my heart.
“Your dad’s right, pumpkin. It’s been a whirlwind of change and surprises. We shouldn’t have presumed you could cope with it all alone.”
“Thank you. I…I’m struggling. You know me. I like routine. My life is exactly as I want it, and this has effectively thrown a grenade in the centre of my world.”
Dad smooths my hair behind my ear. “Tell us what you need, honey, and we’ll do everything in our power to help.”
What do I need? Time, I guess. Nothing I say or do changes the fact Lorenzo is my father or that I’m here.
“I need to process it. You’ve been spending a lot of time with Lorenzo. Is…is he nice?”
