The accuracy of that observation made Liliane's throat tight. "It's complicated."
"Love usually is."
"It's nae love," Liliane said quickly. "It's... we barely ken each other."
"And yet here ye are, midnight kitchen wanderin’ instead of sleepin’ peacefully in yer chamber." Catherine took another bite. "Tell me what happened. Or dinnae. Ye look like ye need tae talk ae someone, and I'm conveniently available and excellent at keepin’ secrets."
Liliane stared at the honey-cake in her hands, turning it over and over. "We almost kissed. Earlier."
"Almost?"
"He pulled away. Before... before it could happen."
"And that's botherin’ ye?" Catherine's voice held understanding rather than mockery. "The fact that he stopped?"
"Nay, aye. I dinnae ken." Liliane set down the untouched cake. "I told him earlier that if I had the chance, I'd still try tae leave. And then later, when we were close, he just... stopped. Pulled away like I'd burned him."
"Ah." Catherine was quiet for a moment. "And ye think he stopped because of what ye said? About leavin’?"
"What else could it be?"
"Oh, I dinnae ken. Maybe the fact that forcing’ intimacy on a woman who's already told him she wants tae escape would make him exactly the kind of man he's tryin’ nae tae be?"
The words hit Liliane like cold water. "What?"
"Tòrr's nae stupid, Liliane. He kens ye dinnae want tae be here. He kens this marriage wasnae yer choice." Catherine's expression was serious now, all teasing gone. "Dae ye really think he'd take advantage of a moment of weakness? When ye're confused and conflicted and nae sure what ye want?"
"I—" Liliane hadn't thought about it that way.
"Just because the law says he can dae somethin’ daesnae mean he will. Tòrr's spent his whole life protectin’ women, me, our sisters, our maither when she was alive. He's nae goin’ tae force himself on ye just because some paper says he's allowed tae."
"Then why did he seem so... frustrated? Angry, even?"
"Because he wanted tae kiss ye, ye daft woman." Catherine laughed softly. "Because he's attracted tae ye, probably cares about ye more than he should already, and stoppin’ himself from takin’ what he wanted took every scrap of self-control he has."
Liliane's heart was pounding now, her mind racing. "But I didnae ask him tae stop."
"Didnae ye? With yer words earlier about leavin’, about nae acceptin’ this marriage?" Catherine slid off the counter and came to sit beside her. "Actions and words both tell people what we want."
"That's nae fair."
"Nay, it's nae. None of this is fair tae either of ye." Catherine's voice was gentle. "But it's what ye have tae work with." She continued, "That maybe, just maybe, this forced marriage could become somethin’ real. Somethin’ good." Catherine touched her shoulder lightly. "That maybe stayin’ wouldne be givin’ up. It would just be... choosin’ differently than ye planned."
"I have reasons fer wantin’ tae leave," Liliane said quietly. "Good reasons. Important reasons."
"I'm sure ye dae." Catherine didn't press, and Liliane felt grateful for that small mercy. "But ask yerself this, are those reasons still valid? Or are they becomin’ excuses tae keep runnin’ from somethin’ that scares ye?"
"What scares me?"
"Feelin’ somethin’ fer a man ye're supposed tae hate. Admittin’ that maybe being his wife isnae the worst thing that could happen tae ye." Catherine stood, brushing crumbs from her nightgown. "Lettin’ yerself be happy when ye think ye dinnae deserve tae be."
"I never said I dinnae deserve happiness."
"Ye didnae have to. It's written all over yer face every time someone shows ye kindness." Catherine's voice was soft. "Whatever happened tae ye before ye came here, whatever ye're running from or toward, it's made ye believe that wantin’ things fer yerself is selfish. That ye dinnae get tae choose what makes ye happy."
Liliane stared at her, unable to form words past the lump in her throat.
"Think about what ye really want, Liliane. Nae what ye think ye should want, or what others need from ye. What dae ye want?" Catherine moved toward the door. "And when ye figure it out, maybe tell me braither. Because watchin’ ye two dance around each other is exhaustin’, and I'm runnin’ out of honey-cakes tae stress-eat."
