Chapter One
Nightairbrushedpasthim from Ridge’s spot on the roof. With his eye to a scope, he watched Shadow move in perfection. Blood flew in a flawlessly planned arch. He heard every sound through his earpiece. Shadow wasn’t even breathing hard. His quick movements were from years of practice. Just another job for the entire team. Still, Ridge watched and waited.
All through the mostly silent ride home, Ridge’s gaze never budged from Shadow. He knew Shadow was fully aware of Ridge’s eyes on him. A fewtimes, they met each other’s stare. Shadow always looked away first. He knew why Ridge watched.
They went through the usual decontamination process before heading their separate ways to their bedrooms. Since Ridge’s room was just beyond Shadow’s, he hung back but never lost sight of him. When Shadow closed himself inside his room, Ridge moved to the door and sat to wait. No doubt, Shadow knew he was there. They always played this game. One day, Ridge would stop. The love in him would die. Not because he couldn’t love unrequited any longer, but because Shadow killed it.
These nights were always fifty-fifty. Either Ridge would be the one who comforted Shadow or Zeus would show up, and Ridge would wither a little moreinside. When the light went out and the bed creaked with no Zeus in sight, Ridge drew a steadying breath. His place wouldn’t be taken tonight.
The moment the first mumbles began, Ridge stood. He slipped into the room and beneath the covers. Shadow muttered angrily in Russian, going over long forgotten orders from their captors. They were children bred for one purpose—to spy for the Russian government. That meant training to fit into any situation and killing anyone they had to kill. Shadow was one of the best, but it came at a high price to his mental health. Except he was the steady one, and so no one noticed that about him. He hid it so fucking well. One of their ground snipers, Field, was the only person on the team Shadow let see him when he was weak. Ridge stolethese moments like a thief. His pride had disappeared too long ago to recall. Maybe he had never possessed any to begin with.
When Shadow’s words turned angrier and more agitated, Ridge tugged him into his arms.
Shadow reacted the way he always did. He rolled, pinning Ridge to the bed. A knife appeared in his hand and pressed against Ridge’s throat. “Who are you? Who sent you?”
“It’s Ridge, sweetie. You need to get some rest.”
He felt Shadow’s muscles relax. A secret wave of disappointment washed over him. In his deepest secrets, he wanted Shadow to slit his throat. End this. As always, that was not what happened.
“Ridge?” The knife disappeared as quickly as it appeared. “I know that name.” Every word he spoke was in Russian. He was still trapped in his dreams. “How do you know him?”
“I am him.”
Shadow caressed his face. “No. He hates me. He wouldn’t come here.”
“Where is here?” Ridge whispered the question. He truly wanted to know where Shadow went in these dreams.
“Someplace I would never want him to see.” Shadow whispered the answer back, as if afraid he would be overheard.
“Why? He doesn’t hate you. He wants to help.”
Shadow stroked his face again. “That’s a sweet sentiment. You smell like him.”
Ridge’s chest squeezed. “That’s because I’m him.” He kept his voice quiet. Ridge couldn’t break this spell. This was all he got of the other half of his heart.
“Prove it.”
“Just tell me how.”
Shadow moved in closer. “Kiss me. He might hate me, but he’s the only person who kisses me like he loves me.”
“That’s because I do.”
He heard Shadow swallow. “You have no idea how much I wish that was true. It’s okay if you want to pretend.”
This was why he stayed trapped in this hell and kept coming back for more. No one knew how he ached for these stolen moments that weren’t even real. “I don’t want to pretend. I want it to be real.”
The air in the room changed.
Ridge knew he wouldn’t learn anything else.
“Ridge?” The Russian accent was practically gone.
“Yeah. It’s me, sweetie. You were having a nightmare again.”
“Oh. Sorry.” He obviously still wasn’t completely awake. Shadow settled down in his arms, draped over his body like a blanket. He used Ridge’s chest as a pillow. “You’ve always been the most comfortable solid rock.”
Ridge shook with silent laughter. He was easily twice the size of Shadow. “My doll. I can carry you around on my hip.”
