She turned back to my son, dismissing me to let me know I wasn’t worth her time.
I turned and walked away, figuring I might as well try someone else. Peyton had been sort of nice during my stay here. “Hey Peyton, I was wondering if you’ve heard anything?”
Her eyes flashed with something I couldn’t read before she shrugged. “Just that there was some important meet happening. Sorry.”
Nikki was a relative newcomer and a radio personality, maybe she would offer some insight?
She offered a sympathetic shrug and a gentle smile. “No, sorry.”
Laura had just come off a double shift at the hospital and was the only one who genuinely seemed sorry she couldn’t give me any information.
I heard a lot of variations of sorry but not one of the women actually seemed sorry. They didn’t trust me, and I couldn’t blame them. They didn’t know me and what they did know wasn’t all that great. It didn’t matter that I tried to pull my weight, that I’d used my surgical skills to help when I could.
What mattered was that I had brought all this to their doorstep. Their men had been injured because of me. Their kidswere in danger because of me. I wasn’t one of them, and as far as they were concerned, I never would be.
It was the story of my life, and I was angry at myself because I should be used to it. I was the woman who didn’t fit it anywhere except the OR. And I didn’t usually let it bother me, except this wasn’t my job, it was my life.
Or, it wasalmost my life.
I made it back to Falcon’s room as quickly as I could, the walls felt too close. Too tight and suffocating. Sitting on the bed with my elbows on my knees, I stared at the floor and tried to breathe but I couldn’t. This was an impossible situation, and I didn’t see any way we could make it work.
This place was a family. The women leaned on each other, supported one another when the men were away and they didn’t want me around. They didn’t trust me, not even Raven, and they probably never would.
Falcon said he loved me. He’d said the words out loud and he said he meant them. I believed him, but how far would that go when the rest of his family hated me?
Family. It was something I’d never had and always wanted, but if I couldn’t have it at least TJ could. Family was belonging and togetherness, and right now I knew that I would never be family to any of them.
Tears burned and I pressed my fists into my eyes until the urge to cry subsided. I was so tired of fighting, of trying to prove myself and of simply surviving, and if I stayed that’s what I’d have to keep doing. Was that right? I mean, these men had taken me and TJ, kept us safe and risked their lives to keep us safe.They didn’t have to do any of that, yet they did without a second thought.
Maybe the best thing I could do for them was to walk away before I caused any more trouble.
TJ belonged here and with his father, he would have the family he deserved. There would be kids he could play with, built-in cousins and playmates. He’d have so many uncles to love him and teach him about the world. And he’d have Falcon.
But me? What did I have?
Nothing. I didn’t fit. I was a complication, a risk. I brought danger to the club. Right now these women’s partners or relatives were putting themselves in danger because of me. I’d killed one of Petrov’s men. Surely that wouldn’t go unforgiven.
I wasn’t needed.
My throat tightened and before I could talk myself out of it, I grabbed the notebook off the small desk and a pen, and with a trembling hand, I wrote it all out for Falcon.
Including goodbye.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Falcon
The ride back to the clubhouse was a fucking blur, and honestly, I wasn’t sure how I made it back in one piece. My thoughts filled all the quiet spaces that popped in the aftermath of bloodshed. I was calm now, resolved. Hell, I was ready to claim my woman and start our lives together.
As soon as we got back to the clubhouse, I jumped off my bike, ready to sit down and talk to Viv. It was past time that we sat down and bared our souls. I told her that I loved her and I’d meant it, but there was more I needed to say. My gaze scanned the room packed with women and children as soon as I stepped inside, but there was no trace of her.
“Dada!” TJ spotted me immediately and rushed towards me as fast as his little legs would carry him, slamming into me with a loud laugh as he hugged my legs. “Dada, up!”
I bent down and grabbed him, gathering him close. “Did you have fun while I was gone?”
I had no fucking clue what he was saying but the sound of his incoherent baby babble was soothing. He talked in a sing-song voice that didn’t make his words any clearer.
“Let’s go see what your mom is up to.”
