“Don’t ever thank us.” Barrett put his head against mine. “For anything. We completely don’t deserve you but we are keeping you.”
I wanted to be kept. By them. Forever.
I satin the living room, only a small light illuminating the room. Everyone was asleep. Sound asleep. Except me. I was wide awake like I had just woken up from a nap. I grabbed their gran’s journals. I wondered what Dina would say about today. Her absence was an ache. My conversation with Julian had pointed out I had never really mourned my mom. Was I actually mourning Dina or was I sticking that wherever I put pain never to be seen again?
Hello,readers,
I think I am leaving my husbands.
I blinked.What?
19
Anoise upstairs jarred me, and I looked up, pulling my attention from what Dina had just written. What was that? Dina’s journal entry hadn’t been dated. She had gone from we were working hard and I’m not pregnant to I’m leaving my husbands? I rose. I would deal with that in a second. I wished she was there to ask.
The door to the bedroom opened, and Phoenix came out. He was dressed, which was strange because he hadn’t been when we went to bed. Outside, the snow fell. It was starting to really pile up, to stick on the ground.
“Phoenix, you okay?” I rubbed at my arms. I was wearing pajama pants and a t-shirt, but there still was a little bit of a chill in here. I didn’t know if the main house or Gran’s house did better in the winter. It seemed like maybe this one was really designed to be comfortable in a warmer climate.
He didn’t answer me, coming downstairs. His eyes were practically squinted. I grabbed his arm. “What’s going on?”
“Alatheia…” His voice trailed off. “Gotta go. Not here. The beach. Back there. The door.”
I stared at him, my mouth falling open. Phoenix wasn’t on any substances that I knew of. But he was really not with it right now. He pulled out of my hold and headed toward the door.
“No.” I grabbed him again. It was too cold out there. He didn’t even have a coat. “Phoenix.” I shook him just a bit. “Come on. Are you on something?”
He blinked, staring at me. “I know you don’t understand, but I have to go now.”
His brown eyes were so faded, so distant. And he wasn’t really answering the question I’d posed. Yes, he was on something. I was sure of it. We could deal with that tomorrow. He turned, once more pulling out of my hold, and I made a snap decision. If he was going, and it seemed he was unless one of his brothers could tackle him or something, I was going with him, and he was going to put on a coat.
“Here.” I ran to the coat closet and sort of half handed him, half dressed him in his winter jacket.
In the meantime, I shouted upstairs. “Barrett.” He always woke the easiest. I shouted it twice, and the sound of feet hitting the floor and the door swinging open echoed in the quiet.
“Sweetheart?” He sounded groggy. “What’s going on?”
“Phoenix is leaving. He’s not really with it, and I’m not sure what’s going on. Says he has to. I’m going with him.”
“What?” He practically shouted, but I didn’t have time to answer him since I was going with Phoenix, and he was walking out the door. I grabbed my shoes and my jacket, which I only had half put on as I sprinted after him into the snow. My sneakers were still wet and soggy from getting soaked during the hot tub fantasy I’d gotten to live in.
Anxiety made my chest tight. What if I hadn’t been awake? Would I have woken up or just sort of thought that Phoenix was going to the bathroom?
I chased after him.
The wind lashed against my face while it whipped snow in wild circles across the frozen lawn. Phoenix moved ahead of me, his silhouette blurred almost somehow like a phantom in the storm, his winter jacket flapping against skinny jeans that he’d dressed himself in. I hadn’t noticed before but now I was pretty sure they were Jeremy’s and not his. Not that it mattered right then. I slipped my arms fully through my own sleeves and ran after him, hoping I didn’t face- plant in the attempt.
“Phoenix!” I called, my voice snatched away by the wind. My sneakers squelched in the snow, my toes already numb. The snow wasn’t just falling—it was swirling, angry, stinging my cheeks and stealing my breath. House lights glowed faintly behind us, a golden haze dissolving into the storm. I could barely see the outline of Phoenix, let alone the driveway or the distant curve where the road met the edge of the Lent s’ property.
Phoenix didn’t pause. He just trudged on, shoes crunching, leaving a trail through the drifts. I caught up to him as we reached the scraggly dune grass where the yard, in better weather, became the manicured haven that led toward the beach. You really wouldn’t know that now. I reached for his arm, fingers clumsy with cold because I hadn’t thought about gloves and neither had he, and he half turned, eyes wide and unfocused. For a moment he looked past me, toward the dunes, as if something was calling him from someplace else. Maybe some other time. I just didn’t know.
“Wait, Phoenix, please—” But he just shook his head, lips parted, breathing hard. His hair was already dusted with snow. I imagined mine was too.
We kept running. Or as best we could considering things. It was more like trudging quickly. This was dangerous. I knew that. The world shrank to whiteness and my heart beating too fast. My lungs burned. I could barely hear anything above the howl of thewind, but then—like a miracle—I picked up the rumble of a car engine.
Headlights sliced through the storm, slow and searching, casting monstrous shadows across the snow. Phoenix faltered, squinting against the glare. We were maybe fifty yards from the house, the beach close, just over the last rise of snow-blanketed grass.
The car pulled up fast, tires skidding slightly as it stopped at the edge of the road. The doors flew open and, in a rush of voices and bundled figures, Barrett, Jeremy, and Julian poured out. Barrett reached us first, panting. Considering things, he had gotten here fast. I was grateful. More so than I’d ever be able to say. He took in Phoenix’s bare hands, the snow covering my wet and useless shoes.
