Jeremy kissed me, gently, silencing my response. “I want to. I’m simply trying to ascertain whether or not you know what you’re asking for. I want to follow instructions and boundaries. I want to make you happy. Come with me.” He took my hand, and we practically ran into the hall, stopping in his bedroom. He was the one who had his bathroom. The only one. He locked the door to his room.
Then he kissed me again. And again. And again. Finally, he lifted his head. “Shower. Come.”
Were we down to one word at a time? I let him bring me into the bathroom. His room was exactly like Phoenix’s had been, with one framed photo of him and Julian in the corner. Someone had set frames in these rooms. They were identical. Jeremy turned on the shower. I wanted to be brave. That had been on the list. So I had to be brave.
I dropped the robe. I had never been entirely naked in front of anyone for very long. He caught his breath.
“I know I’m pretty beat up right now.”
“Hush, Princess. You’re beautiful. So beautiful you take my breath away.”
14
“You really must love me.”
He shook his head. “I do, but I’m not lying.”
Like I had dropped the robe, Jeremy pulled off his clothes. We were completely naked in front of each other. Well, this had been my idea. Jeremy was beautiful. I knew he would be. And it occurred to me what I looked like right then.
I swallowed. “Pretty beat up.”
“Beautiful.” He took my hand and brought it to his mouth to kiss me. “You’re stunningly beautiful. But we can stop right now if that’s what you want.”
I shook my head. “No, I want this. I just got nervous. I guess both things are possible.”
“Very possible. Because that’s just how I’m feeling, too.”
He was? This was Jeremy. He was something of a legend at Pullman for how much he hooked up. I couldn’t imagine he was actually nervous. “Sweet of you to say that.”
“You think it’s not true?” He kissed both my cheeks before he placed his hand over his heart. “Feel that?”
It was racing. I smiled at him. “So I guess you’re telling the truth.”
He nodded. “I don’t lie to you.”
Jeremy drew me to him, our skin touching. We stepped into the shower together. It was a little bit warmer than I usually had it when I wasn’t freaking out, but it was good enough.
He looked at the floor for a second. “I’ve never done this before.” He held up his hand. “Showered. With someone else. Unless maybe when I was little. And this is different, obviously. I’m rambling.”
Jeremy totally was. It was so not like him. I kissed him and he kissed me back, hard. Yes, this was so much more Jeremy. I wrapped my arms around his neck and the water covered our bodies. Soon, we were both soaked. And he was hard. But he made no moves to do anything but kiss me. I was warm and it wasn’t because of the water.
I pulled back to grab the soap and poured some from the bottle onto my hand. I smelled it. “I wasn’t thinking, but I’m going to get to smell like you for the rest of the day.” This was where he got the sandalwood scent that was always on him.
He blinked rapidly. “You like the way I smell?”
“Yes I do.” I kissed him as I soaped him up. He grabbed the bottle and then did the same to me.
We were quiet about it. There was almost a reverence to this moment. Maybe he understood what was dawning on me—we’d only have a first time doing this once. After this, it would be fun when we did it again, something to look forward to with anticipation, but there was only one first time for this. Every move I made would be repeated someday but not discovered like it was right now.
There was every possibility I was overthinking it.
“Okay if I touch you?” I whispered in his ear, keeping it reverent.
He nodded, kissing my neck. “Sure. Assume consent with me, okay? The answer is yes to whatever you’re wanting to do.But I’m not going to touch you until I have you on the bed. That’s where I’m going to make you feel so good, Princess.”
Actually, that sounded better than right here under the water. There was something sort of sacred about being wrapped up in the bed together. Here, it was like we could feel each other, but the water was slick and might actually make me anxious.
He kissed my shoulder as I took him in my hand. He moaned, a long sound. “Fuck. I knew it would be intense, but even I didn’t imagine what having you touch me there would do to me.”
