“Jules just pretty much passed out.” I thought they might want to know.
“He usually does in stress. Just not when they took you.” Jeremy stopped typing. “Then it was the opposite. It’s actually better if he is. It’s early, but we can go to bed if you want to.”
I shook my head. “No. I have something to do.”
February 1st1967
Something has to change.I love my husbands more and more every day. Truly I do. But seeing them in the morning with a goodbye kiss and seeing them again in the evening, sometimes very late before, ah, evening activities is no way to spend my day. I have decorated as much as I possibly can. They didn’t like the red walls. I could tell, but I haven’t changed them. Okay, I am being immature, but they can tell me they don’t like them or they can learn to live with them.
It isn’t their fault I am so… uninterested in life right now. I am not pregnant. I really hoped maybe I would be.
I have discovered a new show called Star Trek and it amused me for a few minutes. The vision of the future. Of course, they are still battling things and for that matter there is always the possibility that one of them could be drafted to Vietnam. No, I am not going to write about that. Some things are too much to think about.
I have decided to go to work with them. I can be helpful. I know that I can. I just can’t tell them that I am going to do this. I will show up tomorrow after they have arrived. They won’t tell me to leave once I am there. If I try to go with them, they will come up with reasons I shouldn’t. Really, some of their old-fashioned upbringing can be a lot to deal with. So I will handle this in my way and get what I want in the end.
In the meantime, I am going to cook a dinner that I will eat alone because they are bound to be very late tonight.
DL
February 15th1967
Men are burningtheir draft cards. I saw it first hand in Union Square today when I went down to meet the wife of my husbands’ business contact. They need a better deal on men’s ties. They’re going to get it. Turns out I am charming. I am just discovering this, too. She said I was adorable, and I did try to look really put together today.
I wore my camel-colored wool suit—the one with the perfectly tailored jacket and those lovely flap pockets, each secured with a neat little button. The sleeves hit right at my wrists, making it just right. The matching skirt fell a little above my knees, prim but smart, giving me that effortless, polished look I always aim for.
I paired it with my brown leather pumps, the ones that click perfectly on the pavement, making me feel purposeful. And of course, I finished the outfit with my cream-colored hat, a subtle but elegant touch. The whole ensemble made me feel sharp and sophisticated—just the way I like it. Not the most expensive outfit. We have money but so much is going into Lent’sDepartment Store that I am not going to overspend. Besides, it was a good idea for her to know she was above me in wealth and power.
I lowered my eyes a lot, thanked her for opinions, and acted the right amount of grateful. Some day I won’t have to do that anymore. But for now, I do. I am simply grateful I can help. I went back to the store after seeing those men burn their cards and realized as I watched them and the women cheering them on how completely different my life is from others my age.
I didn’t feel sad about it. They’re still searching for their futures. I found mine. But still, I stopped and watched. Then I went back and folded skirts. The guys were never going to get it right, and we couldn’t hire new employees without making sure they understood exactly how it needed to be done.
DL
I closed the book.Reading her always made my head spin. I looked over at Barrett and Jeremy where they typed. Phoenix was involved upstairs, and besides, I sort of preferred him not coming along to do what I needed to do. Or even hearing it.
“Guys, can we take a walk?”
They both looked at me. Barrett rubbed his eyes. “It’s midnight.” Jeremy finished with, “It’s cold.”
Was it? I hadn’t even noticed on the walk home, and it might have been midnight, but I was wide awake.
I rose. “I’m taking a walk. I have something I need to do. You can stay. I’ll be fine.”
There was no way they were letting me do this alone. I knew that. I wasn’t usually manipulative, but I really would do what Isaid I would do and go alone if they didn’t come. I just knew they would come.
Both of them jumped up. When I went to the coat closet, so did they. It was Barrett who spoke again. “What are we doing? “
“We’ll talk about it outside.” I put on my coat and my knitted hat. It wasn’t as cold here as it would be in New York, and I had taken the train in Chicago in the winter. I needed to toughen back up. Or maybe I just had to relax and be gentle with myself. If only the world wasn’t trying to kill all of us.
I couldn’t heal when I was battling. I didn’t think. Dina was dying and she had battled in her way her whole life. She would do this, and I wouldn’t do less, even if it was in my own way.
I stepped outside, triggering motion sensors. The guys hurried out after me.
“Is this something we should drive to do?” Barrett asked, and I shook my head no.
“I want to walk. But put the alarm on. Phoenix is distracted and Julian is out cold. I don’t want to leave him unprotected.”
Jer pulled out his keys and hit a button. “Armed. I hope Phoenix doesn’t accidently open a window. It’ll scare the shit out of Jules.”
