The bed dipped as Jeremy stretched out beside me. “I’m not supposed to do this. I’ll probably get shit for it, but I need to hold you.”
I lifted my lids. He did? That was more than okay with me. I rolled onto him, the motion feeling familiar, like something we’d done a hundred times before. “Don’t let her make you move.”
“She can’t make me do anything.” He ran a hand over the back of my scalp. “She’s only not fired because Eric is patient. We own more than fifty percent of the clinic. We built it.”
I smiled. “Well, you paid someone to do it, right? You didn’t wield a hammer?”
He snorted. “No, good call. I did not.”
I sighed. “The girls aren’t going to be okay. They’re going back to the places that sent them there. Maybe they’ll be sent to other places. It would be like sending me back to my family.” In fact, my heart rate kicked up. “Do I have to go back to them?”
“No.” He kissed my temple. “You aren’t going back. Ever. Kit found your other family. Your father’s family. They’re problematic but not sending you there. His associate went to court and argued child abuse. You are now theirs. And things are going badly for your family. But we don’t need to talk about that now. I know you have a million questions. You should. I’m sorry about your friends. So sorry.”
I did have a million questions, but it was like there were too many. It overshot my head. My father’s family? Who were they? Where were they? My lids closed. This time it was hearing Jeremy’s heartbeat against my ear. It was peaceful. Familiar. It said that for tonight I was okay.
I dreamed.
My mother and I were sitting outside our trailer. She was drinking a Coke, and I was sipping lemonade. It was lovely outside. Cool but not too cold yet.
“Why don’t we have any family?” I kicked the dirt, and the smile on her face faded. I’d made her sad. I hated making her sad.
“We have family. I think everyone probably has some family. Maybe not. I am sure there are some people with no family. Anyway, I get what you’re asking. We have family but we don’t see them.”
I stared at her. She was tired. But she was always tired. I couldn’t wait to talk to her anymore when she wasn’t. I was turning eleven. I wanted to know things. Lots of things. “Where are they? We don’t visit them even. Most people go places for Thanksgiving or Christmas. They drive. Wanda went on an airplane once. It’s just you and me. All the time.” Plus she had started working Thanksgiving and Christmas. It was lonely.
She hugged me to her. “Do you mind it being just you and me?”
“Not most of the time.”
Mama laughed. “Well, there is your honesty. Okay. My family is mean. They want things from me I don’t want to give them because they are for you. Not for them. They do bad things with those things they want from me. Don’t ask me more about that. I won’t say. Take that as truth, okay? I even have a twin sister. We look exactly alike. Or we used to. You could be walking down the street one day and see two of us. But she is mean. Like our father was mean. With your daddy’s family, it’s a crapshoot. Some of them are very good people. Some of them are awful. Most of them are awful and he was hurt by them, deeply. He didn’t want them in your life. Maybe someday you could meet his mom. She was better than his dad.”
This was more than she’d ever told me. “What was wrong with his dad?”
“He used to beat Daddy. All the time.”
I caught my breath. I’d never been beaten. I could barely remember my father. Maybe it was the trauma that kept me from remembering much. But I hated that for him.
Movement began to pull me awake, pushing the dream back. If that had happened I had no idea. Maybe it never did. I couldn’t tell anymore. It slipped away before I could hold onto it. When she had died, I hadn’t even known she had family. It had to be a dream. I felt myself drifting again.
“How did you pull that off?” It was Julian’s voice in a whisper. “They told us no.”
“I know they did. But look at her, she’s silently sleeping. Her eyes are moving below her lids. She’s in REM. She’s not thrashing or hurting. She’s not crying out. She’s just sleeping. It’s hard to argue with that. They left us alone.” He kissed my forehead. “Climb in this side and we’ll switch.”
The bed dipped, and I opened my eyes.
“No,” Jer whispered. “It’s just Jules. Keep sleeping. He cuddles too.”
“She knows that,” Julian answered.
Jeremy kind of rolled me over to his brother, and I let it happen. This was too nice. He must have just showered because he felt warm. “What time is it?”
Jeremy got off the bed. “Late. It’s midnight. Get some more sleep. I love you.”
Well, if it was nighttime, that was fine. Hadn’t it just been nighttime? Who knew how often I was really up or asleep anymore. Who knew how many rounds of this we had done without me knowing it?
Jules stroked my neck. I didn’t see Jeremy anymore. Had he just left or had time passed?
I liked the cuddle, but I was awake. “I thought a lot about your play. When I was there.”
