The handle on our bedroom door jiggles.
It’s locked. I left it that way for a reason.
“Dee?” Colt’s voice is soft and hesitant. “Are you okay?”
I say nothing.
“I know you probably don’t want to talk to me right now. I get it. I’ll give you time. Just… can you let me know you’re okay in there?”
I grip his pillow tighter. “I’m here,” I whisper.
He exhales like he’s been holding his breath since I walked away.
“Can I bring you something? Water? Food?”
“No.”
A beat.
“I’m so sorry, baby. I know the timing of this is insane, and you’re going through hell. I just want you to know I’m here. I’ll always be here. I love you so fucking m-much.” His voice cracks on that last word.
I stay silent.
Not because I don’t love him.
Because I love himtoo darn much.
If I say it back, if I open that door, I won’t be able to do what I know I need to.
“Can you just tell me you love me?” he asks gently.
My lips part, but nothing comes out.
“Baby?”
I start to sob. Loud, ugly sobs into his pillow.
The door handle jiggles again.
“Okay,” he says softly. “I don’t want to upset you, so I’ll stay in the guest room tonight. But I’m right next door. If you need me for anything, I’m there. I love you, Dee. I want you to know that you are it for me.” His voice is shaky and raw.
God, he is breaking.
“I will fight for us. You’re my wife. I need you more than I’ve ever needed anything in my life.” His breath hitches. Then a sniff.
I know he’s crying.
Because of me.
He thinks I don’t love him.
He’s never been more wrong.
I stay silent. Not because I want to punish him, but because if I speak, the dam will break and I’ll never pull myself together again.
“I’ve loved you since the moment I kissed you outside the bathroom at your first concert,” he says, voice strained. “And I’ll love you until the day I die.” Then he sobs.
The sound of him breaking outside my door rips me to shreds.
