She nods. “C’mon. Let’s get some caffeine in us and talk girl shit.”
“Perfect.”
We head into the kitchen and pour two coffees. It’s quiet for a few moments, the air thick with everything unspoken until Anna breaks it, “So,” she says softly. “How are you really?”
I freeze with the coffee cup halfway to my lips. The dam I’ve been holding back all morning wobbles. “I think I’m still numb,” I admit, voice low. “I broke at the clinic. Colt shattered when we got home. Then we… we grieved together. But I feel like I haven’t really cried, like I haven’t truly mourned the fact that I’ll never be a mother.Ever.” The words catch in my throat like broken glass, and the lump that forms nearly chokes me.
Anna sets her cup down and walks over, rubbing my shoulder. “There’s no right or wrong way to grieve, Dee. There’s no quota on tears. You don’t need to feel guilty for how you’re handling this. You’ve already cried more than most people would in a lifetime. Maybe you’re stronger now than you used to be. Maybe you’re tired of crying.”
“Maybe,” I whisper, wiping a tear as it rolls down my cheek.
She softens. “But even if you’re strong, you don’t have to pretend to be. If you need to break down, I’ll sit on the floor and cry with you, no questions asked.”
A laugh bubbles up, shaky and wet, then I shake my head. “I just… I keep thinking Colt deserves better. More, you know.”
“I knew that was coming,” Anna sighs, sitting beside me. “Dee, that man loves you like his soul depends on it. You areexactlywhat he deserves, you’re his equal, his other half. Don’t sell yourself short.”
“But he wants a family so badly, Anna. He talks about it like it’s everything to him. And now I can’t give him that. How is he supposed to be okay with this? With just me?”
She reaches for my hands. “All he’s ever needed is you. And I know that sounds like a cheesy line from a romance novel, but it’s the truth. He doesn’t care how you build a family, he just wants to build it with you.”
“I don’t know.” I blink hard, but the tears come fast, blurring everything. “You didn’t see him after. He was broken. He needs to be a dad, Anna, and I can’t give that to him. Not ever.” The tears fall unchecked now, and I drop my head into my hands as the sobs break free.
Anna wraps her arms around me and pulls me in tight. “Sweetie, I know this feels like the end of the world, but it isn’t. There are other paths. Adoption. Surrogacy. Hell, even fostering. You still have options, you need time to see them.” She guides me to the kitchen table and hands me a tissue as I try to collect myself.
“I know this sucks, Dee. It’s brutal and unfair, and it hurts like hell. But there are so many couples out there who can’t have children naturally and still live incredible lives together. Colt and you? You’re meant to be. This doesn’t change that fact.”
I nod, clutching the tissue as I try to believe her. “Do you really think he can be happy with j-just me?” I ask, voice cracking.
“I know he can,” she says without hesitation. “And he will be, as long as he’s got you.”
I take a deep breath and blow my nose, grounding myself. “Sometimes I look at my life and wonder how the hell it got so messy. And then, just when I think it can’t possibly get worse,bam, another curveball. It’s like the universe keeps asking, ‘How strong is she really?’”
Anna chuckles. “That’s life, babe. If it were easy, we’d all be farting glitter and riding unicorns.”
I let out a genuine laugh through the last of my sniffles.
She grins. “What I mean is, life sucks sometimes. You get knocked down, then kicked again while you’re crawling. But eventually, you stand up. You always do.”
“Yeah,” I say, wiping the last of the tears from my cheeks. “I guess you’re right.”
“You guess?Please… I’m always right.” She grins as the coffee machine dings, and I finally let out a shaky chuckle.
We drink our coffee and talk until lunch, then keep chatting until the sky outside starts to shift. We’re curled up in the living room when the gate buzzer rings.
I frown and glance at Anna. “That’s weird. The guys usually let themselves in. Maybe Colt’s remote battery died.” I get up and walk to the front door, pressing the gate release on the console.
Anna walks out with me, and I feel lighter after our girly day. Not healed, but steadier. She is exactly what I needed.
I hear a car engine rumble up the driveway. Smiling, I open the door to greet Colt, expecting Johnny’s SUV. But the vehicle parked outside isn’t Johnny’s. My stomach twists at the beat-up rust bucket, the kind that barely passes rego. Dents. Scratches. One busted headlight, and I tense immediately.
“Who’s that?” Anna murmurs beside me.
I shake my head slowly. “No idea. Hopefully it’s a lost Uber or delivery. Not a goddamn crazy fan, I can’t deal with that shit today. I should have checked before letting them in, I thought it was the boys.”
The driver’s door opens, and out steps a tall redhead, slim to the point of unhealthy, wrapped in a skintight red halter dress that’s a few inches shy of being indecent. Her makeup looks caked on, like she’s trying to hide something. Or maybe trying too hard to be noticed. She glances up at the house.
I offer a polite smile, but she frowns, then walks around to the passenger side and opens the door.
