Chapter One
COLT
They say the moment before you die, your life flashes before your eyes.
Did something like that happen to Dee?
I wonder if she felt nothing but bliss before she flat-lined? I hope so, and that wherever her soul is right now, she’s happy and not seeing the mess that I am without her.
I tighten my grip on her hand and lower my head to the gurney, hiding my tears from the bastards hovering around me. I sit in silence, waiting.
Waiting for what, I don’t even know.
It’s not like she’s just going to wake up.
Dee lies still—too still. Her face, as beautiful as ever, is pale. Her skin is cold to the touch, her body lifeless.
Even with all those people around us, I let go of her hand. I don’t know why. I was holding her so tightly.
I should have held on.
I should have fought harder.
I failed her.
And now, all I have left is the motionless body of the woman I love more than anything I’ve ever loved in my entire life.
If I could take her place, I wouldn’t hesitate.
“Mr. Slade, if you don’t mind me saying so, you’ve been here for hours. Miss Norman’s situation isn’t going to change anytime soon. Why don’t you get yourself something to eat and have a rest? You look exhausted, and we don’t want you to end up being a patient instead of a visitor,” the nurse says.
I glare at her. “I’m not leaving her! I don’t care if I have to spend the rest of my life here. I’m not leaving her side. Not ever! You got that?” I reply loudly.
“Mr. Slade, you know, eventually theywillhave to move her. You need to eat or drink something. People want to see you in the waiting room. Maybe they could help you if you let them?”
I want to punch her right in the face. “Cheer me up? You think I can be cheered up when my fiancée is lying here lifeless on this gurney? Who the fuck are you to tell me what to do? If you’re so fucking fantastic and know everything, then why can’t you bring her back to me, huh?” I yell, my breath ragged with frustration.
She exhales loudly, venting her frustration. “Sorry, Mr. Slade, I didn’t mean to offend you. I just—”
“You. Just. What? Thought you could make the situation better. Well, you thought wrong. Now get the fuck out. I need some time alone with Dee,” I holler, pointing toward the door. She shakes her head and puts down the chart before walking out of the room.
Once she’s gone, I clamp my jaw tight, fighting the sting behind my eyes. But the burn doesn’t go away. It never goes away.
I stare at the body in front of me—her.
My fists clench at my sides. I’m angry. Furious at the fans, livid at the driver of that fucking van.
But mostly?I’m pissed at myself for letting go of her hand.
The rage burns deep in my gut, simmering just beneath the surface, ready to explode. My breaths come fast and shallow as I drag a hand across my face, wiping away the evidence of emotions I’m not prepared to deal with.
I still can’t believe this is real.
Dee agreed to marry me.
I told her I loved her—finally—after holding it in for so long, terrified that saying the words out loud would be the thing that drove her away.
And now look.
