Two. Whole. Months.
I haven’t so much astouchedthe outside world in what feels like a lifetime. And now? Now I’m about to throw myself headfirst into it—intohim. The thought alone sends a wave of nausea rolling through me. My chest tightens, my fingers trembling as I clutch the strap of my handbag like it’s the only thing keeping me grounded.
I swallow hard, forcing air into my lungs as Anna and Johnny move toward the door, their steps easy, unbothered. Meanwhile, every step I take feels like walking toward the edge of a damn cliff.
Joseph, Danny, and I follow closely behind, but I’m not sure my legs will carry me all the way out.
The cab driver honks again.
Impatient dick!
Anna and Johnny step outside, but the second I reach the doorway, fear slams into me, hard and unforgiving.
Oh,fuck.
My chest tightens. My hands go clammy. My heart thunders against my ribs, my body screaming at me to turn back. To retreat. To stay where it’s safe.
I start to shut down.
Joseph leans in, his voice a steady whisper in my ear, “Just think… in a couple of hours, you’ll see Colt. Isn’t that worth walking out this door for?”
His words anchor me. I cling to them like a lifeline, my pulse still erratic but my resolve strengthening.
I inhale.
And with that breath, I take my first step into the land of the living again. The sun kisses my skin, warm and golden, and forthe first time in forever, I tilt my face up and let it soak in. It’s a whisper of freedom. Of something normal. Something I thought I’d lost.
Then—
Honk!
I jolt, my heart nearly launching out of my chest as the cab blares its horn again.
Laughter ripples around me, and when I open my eyes, everyone is watching—smiling. Like they’re proud of me for simply walking outside. I manage a small, tentative smile back. Then, with another steadying breath, I step forward, one foot after the other, and head toward the waiting cab.
I’m nervous ashell.
Whether it’s the flight, seeing Colt, or the messy, painful mixture of both, my stomach is in knots, and my heart is lodged firmly in my throat. I say my final goodbyes to the boys, and before I know it, we’re pulling up to Heathrow Airport.
Johnny, of course, has managed to secure the band’s jet, which takes the edge off my nerves—slightly.
As soon as we board, Anna and I make our way to my usual spot in the back, while Johnny disappears into the office to make calls.
Tamara greets me warmly, pressing a tablet and a cold water bottle into my hand.
I blink up at her, swallowing thickly. That simple, unspoken kindness is everything right now.
And in that moment, I think I love her a little bit.
***
I’m jolted awake by the feeling of the jet touching down.
Even though I slept the whole way, it’s like Tamara’s tablet has suddenly evaporated from my system because those nerves are back with a vengeance.
“You ready?” Anna asks, taking my hand in hers while the ‘unfasten seatbelt’ sign flashes.
“No,” I reply honestly.
