“Dee, you’ve been in bed for hours. It’s almost dinner time. Do you want to come down and have something to eat with Danny and me?” Joseph asks quietly.
I can’t fight back the tears.
I shake my head.
Food is the last thing I want or need.
“You should eat something,” Joseph says, wiping a tear from my cheek. I feel heavy like I’m made of stone. Every time I move, something aches or hurts. I shake my head and close my eyes, rolling away from him.
Joseph exhales and rubs my arm. “Okay, well, we’re here. Danny and I have both called in to work and taken some leave. We’ll be here if you need us for the next two weeks and beyond. We’re here for as long as you need us. I love you, Dee, and it kills me to see you like this.” He pulls the blanket up and kisses my head, then releases a shaky exhale before standing and walking out of my room.
I’m alone.
Again.
With my thoughts ofhim.
I feel like I should be crying harder than I am, like I should hatehim, but all I seem to be doing is imagininghimlying in bed right here next to me. Imagining his scent. The taste ofhislips. The sound ofhisvoice ashehums me to sleep.
God, I misshim.
My cell vibrates on the nightstand.
With a deep sigh, I turn over to check it, and it’shimcalling again.
I let it ring out.
There’s no point.
I misshim.
I lovehim.
I want to hearhisvoice so badly, but I can’t forgivehim.
And that’s what stops me from answeringhiscalls.
I watch the touchscreen as his picture and name disappear, and the vibration stops.Twenty-four missed callsshow up, and I swallow hard, letting the phone slip back on the stand. I turn over, and it vibrates again, but I close my eyes tight, concentrating on my breathing.
I should turn the phone off, but knowinghe’scalling makes me feel something for some reason. I don’t know what it is, I can’t describe it, but I can’t feel anything else except my body aching and my head hurting.
My soul has left me, and I’m a shell. A vast pit of endless black where love and happiness once resided, but now only emptiness lives, andhisphone calls are the speck of light in the never-ending darkness.
The bed dips, and Princess walks up to me. She must know when I need her. The beautiful girl snuggles into me while I hold on to her for comfort. I don’t know how long it’s been. I’m not thinking or feeling, just staring at the wall.
When the door creaks, I turn over.
Joseph is walking in with a tray of food.
I exhale and roll back over to wall-watch.
Joseph sighs and places the tray on what I assume is the desk. “Dee, I know you don’t feel like eating, but I brought toast and tea. It’s just the way you like it, with lots of butter and no crusts. I’ll leave it here, and you can have it when you’re ready. We’ll be downstairs if you need us,” he says, then leaves. He doesn’t completely shut the door, but enough so that the light doesn't enter.
The aroma from the toast is churning my stomach, so I pull the blanket over my head and close my eyes, hoping to get a vision ofhim.
I remain in my bed for…
I don’t even know how long.
