My chest tightens.
And my laughter quickly turns to sobbing.
Seems I can feel after all.
“Hey, hey, what’s going on?” Joseph asks, walking toward me as the tears fall down my face. He stands in front of me, and his face contorts with what seems like rage. “What the hell is this, Deliah? If he hurt you, I swear to God—” Joseph says, pointing to my forehead.
“No, that wasn’thim.That was all me. I smashed my head into the wall after I sawhimsnorting coke from a naked slut’s body. We argued, and he passed out. So I left,” I answer, cutting him off as he wraps his arm around me, pulling me toward the sofa.
“Colt’s using drugs? You said the band wasn’t like that? Have you been doing them too?” he asks, concern laced in every word as he places me carefully on the sofa, and they sit on either side of me.
“I’m not a complete idiot. No way would I touch that shit, andhesaid he wouldn’t either. Then, when I got back from the hospital yesterday, he was all overher. Of all the women that hang around them, why did it have to be that vapid whore?“
“Deliah, I’m so sorry. But maybe it’s best to find out before you get too invested.”
Joseph’s words cut deep, each syllable a painful reminder of the reality I wish I could ignore. My face contorts involuntarily, betraying the turmoil brewing inside me.
He continues, his voice gentle yet firm, “Look, Deliah, I know you better than anyone. I don’t know what’s happening right now, but I do know you’re hurting.Hedid that to you.Hehurt you, and the best way to make him suffer for that is to forget and close yourself off to him.” His gaze holds mine, searching for acknowledgment, but I can’t muster a response. The weight of his advice presses down on me, conflicting with the emotions warring in my heart. I know he’s right, yet the thought of letting go feels like tearing away a part of my soul.
Hisfriendnods in agreement, clearly unaware of the depth of our conversation.
I clear my throat, eager to shift the focus. Suddenly, it dawns on me—I’m seated between two naked men, one of whom is my ex-boyfriend, who I have just caught boinking on my old couch. The absurdity of the situation hits me, and despite the emotional turmoil, I ask, “Wait a second. Just wait for one second. What’s with all…” I wave my hands around at the two of them, “… this?” I ask, looking between Joseph and hisfriend.
“Danny, can you give us a second, please?” Joseph asks.
“Sure, I’ll be in our room,” Danny replies.
Our room?
My head shoots back to Joseph, whose face has turned a deep shade of crimson. “Deliah,” he says quietly.
“Joseph,” I say sternly, so he knows I don’t want some bullshit, cock-and-bull story. “I want the truth.”
He exhales and leans back, looking up at the ceiling. “Okay, I’ll tell you everything, but please promise you won’t get upset?”
“I promise,” I reply while watching his facial expressions.
“Right, well, here goes… I’m gay,” Joseph admits, causing me to chuckle.
“Well…no shit, Sherlock. After what I just saw—”
“Deliah, c’mon, I’m trying to be serious here,” he says, cutting me off.
“You’re right. Sorry.”
“Now comes the hard part.” He looks at me and takes my hands. “I’ve known I’m gay for years.”
I swallow a lump in my throat, feeling somewhat stupid for not picking up on it when we were together. Mygaydaris usually spot on, so how the hell did I miss this?
Joseph’s voice trembles as he begins, “I met Danny at work. He was a new intern.” He pauses, gathering his thoughts. “I’ve always found men attractive but dismissed it, unable to fully understand those feelings.” His eyes flicker with vulnerability.
“Then, Danny kissed me,” he continues, his voice barely above a whisper. “In that moment, everything clicked. I realized I was gay.” He glances at me, his expression a mix of fear and regret. “I was terrified of what everyone would think,especially you.”
He takes a deep breath, his gaze dropping to the floor. “Discovering your boyfriend is gay… I can’t imagine how painful that would be for y-you…” his voice cracks, “… so I tried to suppress it, to be the partner you deserved. You’re an incredible woman, and I hoped our relationship would ‘fix’ me. His eyes glisten with unshed tears. But I couldn’t continue lying to myself or to you.”
Joseph’s hand reaches out, but he stops short, letting it fall to his side. “I’m so sorry for the hurt I’ve caused.” He turns to Danny, who walks back into the room, their eyes locked in silent understanding. The room feels heavy with unspoken emotions, the weight of our shared history pressing down on us.
“The affair started a year after we began seeing each other. I’m sorry, Dee. I never meant to hurt you or lie to you. Danny threatened to leave if I didn’t tell you the truth, so I chose him and kicked you out…” He pauses before continuing, “I was angry at myself and Danny for making me choose. I loved you, but I wasin lovewith him, and I think we know now that the love wehad was only ever friendship, but I didn’t know that then. That’s why I was so short and blunt when I kicked you out, because you were so upset, and I couldn’t stand it. I wanted to tell you, but for some reason, I couldn’t. I didn’t know how you’d react. I didn’t want you to hate me. I’m deeply sorry.” Tears well in his eyes, and he’s now looking at me as though I should be saying something.
