Nothing can.
Tears burn my cheeks, hot and endless, mixing with the salt on my lips. My chest heaves, the erratic pounding of my heart too loud, too fast, as panic grips me tighter.
I can’t breathe.
Oh God…
I can’t breathe.
“Dee.”
A faint noise rings in my ears as a hand touches my back, trying to soothe me. It doesn’t work. I’d rather be dead than feel this pain, and I instantly know that thought is unhealthy. He does this to me—I’m irrational when I am around him. My hands grip the railing so tightly that severe pins and needles bite into my hands, but I like the pain. It helps to know I am still alive.
“Dee!” My name is muffled, and I have no idea who’s saying it or where it came from.
I need air.
I let go of the rail, only to stagger. I can’t see as I run my hand along the wall, then crouch over and rest my hand on my knees, trying to inhale.
It’s not working.
Despair.
Grief.
Anger.
Pure, unadulterated anger surges through me as I straighten and face the wall. I still can’t see through the tears, and my heart is ripping through my chest violently. Resting my head against the wall, I bang against it in despair.
Anything to make this pain go away.
“Dee, baby.”
Hisvoice cuts through the chaos, through the storm raging inside me.
And I want tohurthim.
I want him to feel even a fraction of this unbearable, gut-wrenching agony—to drive a knife straight through his goddamn chest so that he can know what this feels like.
But nothing,nothingcould ever make this pain go away.
I needsomething.
Anythingto stop the ache from swallowing me whole.
I yank my head away from the wall, my body shaking, my thoughts a tangled mess of pain and rage.
Then, without thinking, I slam my forehead forward.
A sharp burst of pain explodes through my skull, momentarily cutting through the agony in my chest.
I welcome it.
Craveit.
The physical sting drowns out the unbearable ache inside me.
I do it again.
