Ryder shifted from foot to foot.“Not this time.I’ve had enough.”
For a time,Weryn’s voice was soft, but there.
“That is different then,” Caemorn answered.“Maybe that will be enough.”
“What about you?Did you like the wars?It gave you morematerialfor your work,” Ryder pointed out, trying not to judge the Kaly’s ability to use the bodies of the dead.
“True.The wars always provided for my experiments and then some.But I, too, long for quiet.We are all too raw to start all that again.Later maybe.But not now.Now we have so much to do to restore ourselves and each other.”
Caemorn patted his horse’s neck as it was dancing a little beneath him.Even the most tamed beasts were a little anxious with the werewolves.Farn and Tarun were sniffing the air and letting out low growls of displeasure.There was no game, Ryder interpreted.They wanted to go further into the Ever Dark to find a challenge, toss their heads back and howl before making chase.But they knew that Caemorn wished to remain here and so they would remain.Plus, they wished to be near Ryder.The Weryn Vampire couldn’t help but be a little chuffed at their admiration of him.
“They think you’re their king,” Caemorn responded dryly to his unspoken thought.
“Daemon is the only king,” Ryder said automatically.
“Oh, yes, but you’re like them.In a way,” Caemorn answered.“The greatest of them.”
“Have you removed the restriction on their shifting?”Ryder asked.
Werewolves were shapeshifters somewhat like Weryn Vampires.A memory wanted to surface then that would tell them just how connected they were to him.But Ryder pushed it down.It wasn’t that he was afraid of what he would learn, but every new memory of his time as Weryn chipped away at his Ryder personality.They were the same man, but the nature versus nurture argument had been firmly answered in his opinion.Nurture mattered a lot.But had it made Caemorn bind Tarn and Farun in their werewolves forms centuries ago?It wasbeforehe knew who he truly was so wasn’t itCaemorn’sdecision and not Kaly’s?
But he was also abused by Kaly.Neither his First or Second Life were easy ones so perhaps it is still nurture.
There was a sickening fear that Caemorn could do to him whatever he had done to Tarn and Farun.Not that Caemorn would.They were friends.Becoming friends.And he had to trust in that.
He trusts me by being here without any of his protection spells up.The forest is crawling with my Bloodline.
Amaris and Kane were in shouting distance.Demos and Siban were on the opposite side of the city, but one cry from his lips and they would be here in an instant, too.He could feel his pack all around him as if they were an extension of him.He was never alone.Not really.Caemorn was the opposite.Until Balthazar, he had always been on his own, relying upon his great skill and mind.Now he had friends and allies, too.But Ryder doubted that Caemorn would ever call for their aid, not because he doubted they would answer, but because he would never want to put them in danger.
“I have, but they…” Caemorn’s lips pressed together.“I don’t believe they can shift any longer.Their humanity has been lost..Or that is what I am theorizing.Balthazar has offered to read their minds, but…”
“You don’t need Balthazar to read their minds.You know what they are saying,” Ryder said.
“On a surface level.You are just as attuned.”Caemorn ran his hands through the fur between Farun’s ears.The werewolf chuffed in pleasure.“Balthazar could know everything, of course.”
“You’re afraid they blame you?No, you would expect them too and be prepared for it,” Ryder amended.“You fear they don’t remember their humanity at all, that you’ve broken them.That’s what you meant bylost.”
Caemorn said nothing, nor did he nod, but Ryder knew he was right.Guilt filled Caemorn for so many reasons, mostly valid.Ryder could hardly judge.They were, of course, protecting Nightvallen against his own fledgling.
“It was easier when I chose not to care,” Caemorn sighed.“When I could just do what had to be done or what I wanted to do and never thought of it again.No guilt.No caring though either.”
“Yes,” Ryder agreed.
Caemorn lifted an eyebrow but then nodded.“It’s as if we had to be reborn so we would have consciences.Maybe Immortals are bereft of them.I am not counting Daemon in that as he has always been more than the rest of us.Though Seeyr clearly has one so perhaps that is not fair either.”
“It’s interesting that these short lives compared to our prior ones have such a heavy weight,” Ryder admitted.“Grayson is…” His heart beat a little faster just saying the young man’s name.He wished he were with him.He always did.He hoped his beloved was having fun with the Helm game.He forced himself to speak without that longing clinging to every word as he said, “Grayson is trying to escape the mere 25 years he’d live this time around, but is failing.”
“When Seeyr aimed us towards this future, Ryder, it wasn’t just a future where Daemon and Julian met.That was, undoubtedly, always going to happen.No, what she wanted for Daemon was the whole package.”Caemorn actually smiled slightly at this modern phrase.“For Daemon to wake up with his beloved Julian and find Immortals who were more worthy–or as worthy–as he’d always believed them to be.So what happened to us–to all of us–was necessary.That is why these newest lives matter so much.”
That was an interesting take.Caemorn had kept Seeyr prisoner while he was Preceptor of the Order.She’d been imprisoned for far longer than that, but Caemorn had talked to her for hundreds of years.And, of course, he suspected that Caemorn remembered their past conversations as Immortals too.So he would know Seeyr’s capabilities far more than he would.
“That sounds like something she would do, though it also sounds incredibly difficult to accomplish,” Ryder admitted.
“Indeed, but she weaves fate and the future.She doesn’t just foresee it,” Caemorn explained.“She makes it happen.”
Ryder blinked.“She can do that?”
Caemorn nodded.“Which makes the actions of the Kaly slices all the more insane.I thought I could work against her, but she could see so much more than me.She could see all of my actions.I thought when I made those on her side bleed that I was winning, that I had gotten one over on her.But I never actually had.She sacrificed pawns while I thought them the king and queen.”
