I bow my head, almost to my knees.It’s a good position for dealing with the vertigo threatening my vision.“I’m sleeping with her.”
Somehow the ground doesn’t loom up and swallow me whole.I risk a peep at Lorne.He’s staring at me with his face screwed into an indecipherable pout.Then an explosive laugh bursts out.“You what?You’re slee—you’re fucking her?What, is she a pre-op transsexual?”
“Fuck you!No.”
Lorne sits with his fingertips pressed to his mouth, hands clasped as if in prayer.“So what you’re saying is that you’ve discovered a taste for pussy.The man, who was one hundred per cent dick all the way, has discovered the first law of the universe—there are always alternatives.”
“Not for me there hasn’t been.There still aren’t.Not really.It’s just her, Lorne.It doesn’t make any goddamned sense.”
He laughs.“Sense rarely has anything to do with it.So, what’s the problem exactly?I’m still not getting why you needed to talk to me here.”
“Because, distance,” I blurt.Shit, this is awkward.The reaction I’m getting makes it clear I’m coming across as barking mad.“I don’t want her to know where I’m going to be.And you bat for both teams, so I thought…”
“What?”
It’s no good.I can’t sit still when I’m this agitated.Pacing is the only option.Lorne watches me through narrowed eyes.
“What, Dylan?”
“I can’t be like you.I’m not.I’m fucking gay.I know that.I’m bloody clear on that.So how the fuck can I be obsessed with a woman?”
“Are you obsessed?”
It’s a pertinent question; cuts to the heart of things.Am I dabbling in make-believe, or is this something more than that?“I’ve spent the last fortnight with fuck all else in my head.Most of it I haven’t even been around her.We’ve spent two nights together.Two nights out of fourteen…fifteen… I go completely fucking gaga when she gets close to me.That’s not me.I’m never like that.”
“No, you’re all about the short-term.You’re much like Dare in some regards.Leastways, how Dare was before Flicka turned him all warm and fuzzy, and devoid of an attention span for anything but her.All, let’s get everything done and dusted in a night: chase, seduction, consummation, and break up.That crap allows you to feel wanted without ever having to let anyone get close.”
The personality analysis I can definitely live without, but he’s building to some sort of point, and I don’t want to interrupt.Except, he stops, and the key bit of wisdom I’m anticipating fails to reach his lips.“And?”I demand.
His shoulders lift and fall.“Sounds as if you need a couple of good shags to put some distance between you.Do that, and I’m sure you’ll forget all about your little anomaly.”
Right at this minute even if I shagged until I dropped and fucked a score of men I don’t think I’d oust her from my head.Of course, knowing that and admitting it to myself that’s two different matters.I’m pretty sure Lorne knows it too—bastard!“I’m not exactly in a position to go on the pull.”
“No,” he remarks, while examining his fingernails.“That’d be why you’re here.The answer’s no, Dylan.Sorry, I’m committed.”
“To Dare,” I blurt in exasperation over being turned down and seen through.“You have to know that he’s never going to fall into your lap.I mean he never was, but now he’s all doe-eyed over that Chinchilla chick.”
“Flicka,” he corrects me.“And she’s nice.I like her.She’s good for him.Besides…” he tucks his hands into his pockets, “…I’m not talking about Dare.”
It’s my turn to do the waggly eyebrow thing.This is news.Serious news.“You’re dating someone?A guy someone?”Ladies flock around Lorne, but they never stay around for long.Even the most mercenary twigs fast enough that his heart’s elsewhere and they’re being led on a merry dance.Once they grasp that he’s using them in much the same way they’re using him, they’re off.
Kicks, thrills, and freebies, we’re all susceptible to the temptation, but that doesn’t mean we like being called on our behaviour.
“One of them is a guy.”
“You’ve got yourself involved in a couple.Well that’s destined to last.”
“They weren’t a couple before we all decided to make a go of it.”
“So what, you’re a treple?”
He nods.“Something like that.”
“For real.”
“Why not?”
I open my mouth to present a hundred reasons why that sounds like a genuinely terribly idea, but when I pin each of them down, there’s not one of them that I think he should honestly give a damn about.“If it’s working…”
