“It’s not about him, Clive.” Lessa cuts in. “And I didn’t bin you. But things changed. You left me without a word, what was I supposed to think?”
She pushes her chair back and goes to the sink. She places her mug in the sink. Any minute now, she’ll turn on the water. It’s her signature move when she’s upset. I desperately want to cross the kitchen and take her in my arms.
Clive is still defending himself. “I keep telling you I wrote you.”
She braces her hands on the edge then turns to face him. “You wrote to me. How many letters?”
“What? You want an account?”
Yes, you bastard, how many letters? You should have been trying to reach her every night she spent in the room upstairs, alone, trying to be strong.
“How many?” she asks again.
“I don’t know, two, three. Maybe four.”
“Two, three, maybe four.” She stares at him as if he’s speaking Japanese. “Clive, I’ve been here foreightmonths.”
“For God’s sake, Alice, I was busy. I didn’t have a moment to myself. Don’t you remember? I’m surrounded by people eighteen hours a day, every day. When was I going to have space for a love letter? It doesn’t mean I wasn’t thinking of you, that I didn’t miss you every…” He throws a look over his shoulder at me. “Look, do we have to discuss this with an audience?”
I’d hate to admit he has a point, butGodhow I hate to admit it. Everything in me wants to throw him out.
Lessa meets my eyes.
She is the one that matters. If she wants me here, then I’m staying, and if he doesn’t like it, he can bugger off. I keep my eyes on her. “I can stay here if you want me to. Or I can go and check on Malinara.”
“Thank you.” She gives me a tight smile.
Well, that means she wants me to leave them alone. I turn and walk out feeling as if a hundred ropes are pulling me back.
I go upstairs and lift the sleeping Malinara from her cot. Holding her close in my arms, I sit in the chair by the window, taking comfort from her smell. From the sound of her breathing, and the steady rise and fall of her little tummy.
An hour later, I hear the kitchen door open, and I place the baby back in her crib, preparing to go downstairs. Instead, I hear two sets of footsteps coming up. I freeze in the door to the nursery. Too soon they’re here; Clive is smiling, but Lessa isn’t.
He barely spares me a glance as he walks in and looks down at the crib.
“She’s called Malinara Joy. Malinara means little pomegranate.” Lessa tells him.
He beams down. “Hello, Joy, I’m your daddy.”
I leave them and go down to the garden where I can’t hear them.
Chapter Forty
Lessa
I can’t wait for Clive to go, but he hovers by the front door.
“Call me tomorrow.”
“I need a bit of time.”
Please go. I want to be alone to think.
“Okay, take as much time as you need, but call me tomorrow and let me know how you are.”
I glance at my phone. “It’s nearly five. Hurry up or you’ll miss the last ferry.”
Still, he hesitates. “I’ll square everything with Alan, don’t worry about that. I know how to make him listen. He means well, and we all want the same thing after all.”
