“I… I know, Lee,” he whispered, looking down for a minute at our joined hands, then up to meet my gaze. “…but I refuse to give those fuckers even one more day of my life. I’ve taken my freedom back. Taken my life back. I’ve taken everything else back from them. I want to take this, too,” he said.
“I want to take this from them and give it to you. Because I love you, and I know, with absolutely certainty, that you would never ever willingly hurt me, Ripley Devereaux.”
35
Mason
I sat thereon the bed next to Lee and waited anxiously for his response. I knew with every fiber in my being that this was what I wanted to do. Now I had to find out if he wanted it, too.
Lee looked at me for a long while, his eyes searching my face for any hint of uncertainty, any fear.
“Did you talk to your therapist about this?” he asked.
I nodded. “We talked about it two weeks ago, last week and again today.”
“So… this isn’t a spur of the moment decision,” Lee asked.
“No. We’ve been… well, planning, for a while now…” I could feel the heat once more flooding up my neck and coloring my cheeks. I cursed my light complexion as I felt the heat work its way across my face.
“What do you mean, baby?” Lee asked me, his voice sending shivers down my spine.
“Well, we identified that my biggest challenge was over, well, um…p-p-penetration,” I began. I felt so stupid stuttering and stammering like a kid. I knew it was part of the process for overcoming my issues, but it still sucked.
“So, she… uh… she recommended… um, suggested that m-maybe I try… um,” I stuttered, trying as hard as I could to get the words out and felt frustrated by my inability to get past my stupid inhibitions. I felt my breathing quicken. Fuck, if I couldn’t even talk about it, how was I going to…
“Hey…” Lee said, squeezing my hand which I now saw was digging angry red marks into my thigh. “Deep breaths. It’s okay.” He reassured me. “So, did she suggest that maybe you enjoy a little ‘alone’ time?” he suggested, his voice thick with some unnamed emotion.
I was finally able to look into his eyes and nodded.
“She, um, suggested that maybe I try a, uh… t-toy…” I began, still stuttering.
Lee nodded at me and smiled encouragingly. “Did you try one?” He asked. All I managed to do was nod awkwardly.
“What’d you think?”
“It was… well, kinda… weird,” I said, my breath coming out in a rush. “And awkward. And kind of, um, uncomfortable… at first.” I looked away again. God. I was such a freak. I couldn’t even manage a talk with myboyfriendabout sex.
He caught my chin in his hand and gently tugged on it, steering my gaze back to his.
“Mason,” he said, his voice deep and rumbling. “Did I ever happen to tell you about the first time I ever tried to use a butt plug?” Lee asked.
The question took me so off guard, I couldn’t keep the bark of nervous laughter from escaping.
“Noooo… Um, sorry, No. I don’t think that ever came up in our casual conversation,” I said, laughing.
“Well, I think I was about, I dunno, fifteen? Sixteen?” he began. “I was pretty sure at that point that I was gay, but hadn’t really had anyone to explore things with, you know?”
I nodded. I’d never really even had friends once I’d moved in with Ricky, much less a boyfriend.
“So, okay, I saved up my allowance two months, along with money I’d earned mowing lawns and stuff and bought one off the internet. I had to use Mom’s credit card, which she was fine with, I just didn’t tellher what I was purchasing. My parents were pretty open and accepting about sex, but I figured that would just be a step too far, y’know?
“I rushed home from school the day it was supposed to be delivered. Since I was the oldest, it was my job to bring the mail to the house, so I figured it was a pretty safe bet that no one else would see my purchase, discreet packaging, and all that.
“Well, there were a couple of packages that day, and I couldn’t remember the name of the company I ordered from, there had beensomany different stores online, but when I saw one that said it was from the ‘HoneyBun Love Store’ I figured that had to be it. I herded the kids inside and sent them to do their homework and get cleaned up for dinner. I figured I had about twenty minutes before my parents would have dinner ready, and that seemed like plenty of time.
“My moms had one room on the first floor that was dedicated pretty much as an office. The little kids weren’t allowed in there, so I ran in and tore open the package. I found the box and threw the rest of the package in the trash. I was a little disappointed, because the box was smaller than I expected, but I shoved it under my shirt and ran upstairs. Then, like any red-blooded gay male American with younger siblings, I locked myself in the privacy of my bathroom to try it out.
“So, I’m in the bathroom, and looking at this thing. It didn’t look exactly like what I remembered. It was shaped kind of like an egg, not like, well, a plug. I remember thinking to myself that maybe there were some parts I needed to order separately, like maybe it had a stand or a connecting wand or something that I'd failed to order,” he continued.
