“Tell me what’s really going on, Mason. Are you in some kind of trouble? Why are you running?” I asked. I felt Mason tense under my touch, then he stood and pulled away from me, walking toward the door. I saw the cop’s shadow move against the glass and the movement seemed to have caught Mason’s attention, too.
“I’m not running. Not anymore,” Mason insisted. “Would you rather I just say that I can’t handle the drama?” Mason snapped, a hint of anger in his voice as it rose slightly. His hand made a sweeping gesture toward the waiting room where my family sprawled in various states of discomfort. “Would it be better to say that I’m scared shitless and don’t know how I could ever fit in with… with this?” he asked.
“Should I just walk up to your parents and say, ‘Hey, I used to be a hooker, but I’ve got a great new career, so I hope you’re okay with it? And oh, by the way, I have thisgreatstory about how I met your son?’” Mason’s voice was getting louder and I could see curious heads turning toward the room. Mason noticed at the same time I did and dropped his voice, but still hissed, “How can I tell them that youkilledsomeone for me? That you put your life in danger for a prostitute?! I can’t. I just can’t. I don’t know what you want from me, Lee,” he finished.
I looked at him in disbelief. Could he really not know what I wanted? I had to show him then.
“I wantthis,” I said, gripping his hand in mine and pulling it to my chest. “I want dinner with the fam. I want more days at the arcade. I want to find out what music you like and what your favorite food is. I want to know what you were like as a grade schooler, and what your fondest memories are. I want it all, Mason,” I said, my voice dropping. “I want… you. I love you. And if you say you don’t believe me, you’re lying to yourself.”
“I… I’m not lying, Lee, to you or myself. I want it, too. I do,” he said, strain showing on his face as we spoke. “I want it, but we’re adults. We know that in this life, we don’t always get what we want.” His voice trailed off for a moment. Vaguely I heard the sound of a muffled cough through the door of the waiting room.Fuck, this guy was getting an earful.
Mason’s face changed, went blank and expressionless. “You… you’re getting way too serious, way too fast. I care about you, Lee, but I’m not in love with you. I never will be. It would probably be best if we just broke everything off now. Some people… some people just don’tgetthe happily ever after. Some people just don’t deserve it. I’ve done things, Lee. Terrible things that I can’t bear to tell you, because part of me would die if you saw that side of me.”
I was too stunned to say anything in response. He glanced up again at the shadow of the cop on the door behind me, but continued.
“It’s like there’s this… this thing that hangs over me. A cloud of… of… suckitude, a cloud of misery, and it shoots off random bolts of catastrophe and I’m alightning rodfor it. I attract all that pain and suffering. I can deal with it when it’s just me getting hurt, but anyone near me… and I do meananyone… could become a target just by being around me. You, your brothers, your parents, for god’s sake!” He gestured to the room of friends of family. “How can I stay here and put all these people in danger?”
I stared into his eyes, trying to make sense of what he was saying. I obviously was missing part of the conversation here, because my brain wasn’t keeping up. Was he trying to tell me my family was in danger? I saw his mask soften for a moment.
“You… youdeserveto have happiness,” he continued determinedly. “Find a man, get a dog, maybe some kids down the road. You need to find someone who can be worthy of you. This has been a… a… a respite for me, Lee. A vacation from my real life. But that’s all it could ever be for me. My real life is back in… back in Mil—” he caught himself and corrected, “—back in Seattle.”
My heart felt like it stopped at his words. He didn’t love me. He pulled away from my grasp. As his fingers slipped from my own, the pain in my chest was so sharp I couldn’t breathe. This couldn’t be happening.
“Mason,” I whispered,“Pleasedon’t do this. Don’t run. I can’t lose you, too.”
Shame, guilt, regret flashed across his face, followed by a solemn resolve.
“I’m sorry, Lee.” he said, his voice dropping. “My Uber is here. I’m going to the airport now. I’ve got a flight out of here in an hour. I just… I’m sorry, Lee. I can’t stay. I can’t… endanger you, or your family, any further. Just ship anything I left at your place to Lizzie. She’ll get it to me.”
I froze, my mind unable to comprehend. He was seriously leaving? Just like that? Now, of all times, when I needed him? Whenweneeded him? I opened my mouth to argue further, but snapped it shut as Kaine walked in, past the cop.
“Hey guys…” he paused, looking back and forth between us, sensing the tension in the room. “Everything okay? The doctor just came out. He said he thinks Sonny’s going to be okay. They think they were able to save his leg.”
I sighed as a huge weight was lifted off my shoulder but as it left a band started tightening around my heart. Mason was leaving.
“Good. That’s…I’m really glad, Kaine,” Mason said softly, his eyes drawing mine back in.
“Thanks, Kaine,” I said, automatically. He nodded, casting a confused glance at the two of us, then left the room. Mason seemed relieved at Kaine’s news, but I couldn’t be sure. I mean, how could I tell? I thought he’d been feeling the same things I was feeling but I was obviously wrong. He couldn’t be leaving me now, like this, if he was. He’d thought this was all fun and games, just a goddamn vacation fling...
“Take care of yourself, Lee.” He said softly, leaning forward and laying a gentle kiss on my cheek. He left the room, the cop close behind him as he walked down the hall, and out of my life.
30
Mason
Walking awayfrom Lee and his family was the single hardest thing I’d ever done, especially when all I wanted to do was cower in terror from the man in front of me.
Of all the things I would have expected, Dreyven showing up at the hospital in a cop uniform was not one of them. The outfit looked legit, right down to the name tag that read “Sgt. Dowling.” Could he really be a cop? It made a twisted sort of sense, I thouhgt. Ricky had always had an in with cops wherever he went.
Lee tried to stop me from leaving, of course. But I saw Dreyven’s hand tighten threateningly on the gun in his holster, and I knew I had to talk fast and get out of there before he hurt more people I cared about.
So, the lies flowed from my lips, words like daggers designed to cut the bonds that Lee and I had been forming. It hurt like a son of a bitch, but I would do anything to keep this man safe, including breaking his heart.
As soon as we were out of sight of Lee’s family, Dreyven took a crushing grip on one arm, guaranteeing there was no escape. As we approached the parking lot, I saw a police cruiser ready and waiting.Guess hewaslegit. At least I didn’t have to worry about getting to the airport on time.
The trip back to Seattle was a long, exhausting affair. We only had one layover, but bad weather had delayed the flight. It was over eighteen hours later when we pulled up in front of my apartment building. As Dreyven paid the driver, I struggled with my fears, trying to get my mind to figure out what I was going to do.
Dreyven dismissed the driver and came back over to where I stood, stupidly lost in my exhaustion. He’d changed out of his uniform at the airport, switching to a pair of jeans and an obscene t-shirt. He’d had to leave his gun in the cruiser at the Akron airport when we parked, and when we arrived in Seattle he stopped at a post office to pick up a package, which included a pistol and ammunition. He didn’t really need it, though. We both knew he controlled me even without a weapon. I wouldn’t do anything to further threaten the lives of my friends.
