“Seriously, Cyrius? The boy is only thirteen,” mother had said from her seat near the fire. “And she is barely ten.”
“We need the oil the Nova Romans can provide. This war with Illyria is taxing our reserves,” Father had replied coldly. “Besides, most royal marriages are often contracted far in advance of the actual wedding.”
“B-but she’s a girl!” I’d gasped in surprise.
“Yes, most Princesses are,” Master Aurelius said sardonically from his spot next to the King.
“I-I mean…” I’d stuttered, unsure how to explain to my parents that I wasn’t interested in girls. “I don’t even know her,” I finished lamely.
“You don’t need toknowher. You just need to show up, be presentable, and trynotto cause a scene,” Father had said. I knew his admonition wasn’t unfounded, which made me feel even worse. I’d managed to cause more than one diplomatic incident as a child.
Master Aurelius, however, had caught what I had really intended.
“Oh,my, your Grace,” he’d tittered behind his hands. “I think what Prince Lucien is saying is that he might be more interested inPrinceAdrian thanPrincessValentina.”
I could feel the flush spread up my face. I’d known my own preferences for some time, but it wasn’t exactly something I could explain to my father, of all people. The King had made clear to both Maalik and me that guaranteeing the succession would be our priority. Maalik had already fathered a number of bastards on some of the slave women.
The King’s eyes narrowed, taking in my deep blush.
“So. Humanandomofylofilos? Elus preserve me,” he’d sworn, slamming his drink down on the desk before considering for a moment.
“I don’t give a damn what youthinkyou want. You’ll marry who Itellyou to marry.” Father had stood and moved to the front of his desk and stared angrily down at me. I’d felt so small, so insignificant in that moment. It didn’t matter what I wanted.
“Woman, man, orgoat. You’ll marry as I tell you. Am I understood?”
I’d nodded mutely and been sent back to my rooms in disgrace. Again.
That night had been the welcome dinner for the Nova Roma delegation, and it had been my own little corner of hell. The Princess had been polite, but she was only ten years old and didn’t seem to know anything about the topics I had been coached to discuss.
The prince, however, had been…everything. I’d listened raptly as he had talked about Nova Roma and the economic opportunities the country could provide Alexandria. We had discussed history, the arts, and politics. Even talk of war hadn’t seemed so boring when it was with Adrian.
Eventually the Princess had been shuffled off to bed with her maid and entourage, but I’d barely noticed. Adrian and I had continued talking for hours until finally the delegation prepared to withdraw.
Adrian had extended his hand to me, and I’d taken it without thinking.
“It has been an unexpected butexceptionalpleasure speaking with you this evening, Prince Lucien,” Prince Adrian had said, his eyes flitting over my face, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. Was it my imagination, or did Prince Adrian’s gaze seem to be focused on my mouth?
“I think we will become friends.Verygood friends.” Rather than releasing my hand the prince had brushed his thumb over my own, a knowing look in his eyes.
That was when I realized I was in an embarrassing predicament. The current fashion in Alexandria was tight pants formen. Very tight. I realized suddenly that if I stood the arousal I’d been feeling all evening at the nearness of Prince Adrian would be clear. Toeveryone.
I panicked. I hadn’t known what to do. I couldn’t hold anything in front of me, but if I stood… For seconds I was torn, then my father had caught his gaze, his eyes narrowing at my rudeness. One did not remain seated when a Prince of a visiting nation stood. I felt like the ground was going to open and swallow me, actually wished for a moment that it would, but another brush of Prince Adrian’s thumb across my wrist made me panic.
Without a word I’d stood and fled, yanking my hand out of Prince Adrian’s and running out of the hall, ignoring my father’s voice calling after me, my panic like a living thing inside me. I’d finally come back to himself in the Great Library with Master Tarek’s strong arms around my shoulders.
The head Librarian had sent word to Prince Adrian that I had suffered a sudden indisposition that had resulted in my hasty departure, but it hadn’t been enough to save me from the beating my father had given me for embarrassing him in front of the trade negotiation. It had taken weeks for the bruises to fade enough for me to appear in public again.
Mother had seen the whole thing and been sympathetic, but her solution resulted in even more problems for me. My parents decided it was time that I be trained in the sexual arts. Mother secured the services of courtesans to train me in the art of sex, which was how I had met Master Bacillus and his family.
I shook my head, refusing to remember those humiliating sessions. Master Bacillus had been nothing but pleasant, and most of the courtesans had been kind, but I had felt the scorn of some of the female professionals as they hid behind their polite smiles when I was unable to perform with them.
I had ended up paying off the courtesans with money I had saved from gifts I’d received over the years, and finally the “lessons” had stopped.
Back in the here and now, I tried to focus on something,anything, other than my memories, but all I could feel was my heart racing and the awful feeling of being unable to catch my breath. Iinhaled but it felt like my lungs weren’t inflating enough to do me any good, so I would try and take a deeper breath, then another, over and over. Logically, I knew I was hyperventilating, but my body wouldn’t listen to my brain.
This wasworsethan Suppression. At least Suppression was something that was done to me. My panic was something that welled up from my own soul.
The dizziness was overwhelming, and darkness started to pebble the edges of my vision. Beneath my feet I felt the tremble of the earth.Shit. I had to get ahold of myself. If I lost control, with my Earth powers, I was terrified of the amount of damage I could cause this city, but my terror at my lack of control only fed back into the panic, causing a loop that began to escalate.
