I felt a little lost and overwhelmed without Elex and Helios. When they were around it was a lot easier to disappear into the woodwork. My brother possessed a level of charisma that I lacked. He didn’t like people, but he was good with them, especially the ones who were broken in some way, like most of our Mageia were.
It made sense Hel and Elex wouldn’t need to be here. Since they were already Bonded they wouldn’t need to attend the Touchpoint, but I couldn’t help but worry about my brother. I had to keep reminding myself that they were more than capable of taking care of themselves, so I had to trust that they would be okay.
Lottie lined us all up on the stage. I was on the far end, closest to the exit. Behind us they had set up little partitioned rooms.
Lottie told us this was where the Somas who might be a match for a Mageia would wait until the end of the Touchpoint.
“You okay?” Deliah asked. She had been moving up and down the line just as I had, making sure everyone was doing all right. I looked at her, feeling like a hot mess and longing for a shower. We were all still wearing our ripped shirts from Heraklion. I’d been too excited about arriving in Illyria to eat or sleep that day and was beginning to feel the effects.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I lied. She looked at me intensely and raised an eyebrow.
“Okay,fine, I’m not fine, but I’m as good as I’m going to get for now,” I said. “At least, until I can get some food and a shower.”
To my surprise she reached out and threw an arm around me.
“You’re doing good here, your Highness,” she said in my ear.
I couldn’t help but wince when she said my title.
“Don’t call me that!” I said. “We’ve left all of that behind.”
“You may have left the title behind, but you’re still a leader, whether you see it or not,” she said. “You can do this. Now c’mon, I heard Lottie say we have a thousand Somas to meet.”
I tried repeating her words like a mantra.You can do this. You can do this.I shuddered at the thought of meeting so many people and prayed to the goddess for some kind of escape. Socializing of any kind was not something I excelled at. Give me a library or science hall and I could be lost for days. Throw me into a party and, well, I was just lost. Or caused a disaster, as my parents had pointed out to me, repeatedly. What kind of Prince was I, if I couldn’t handle meeting people?
In the Legion, at least, things were familiar. There was a routine and order that I could comprehend. The rules were brutal, but simple. I stuck close to Elex, and he had guided me through the life of a Legionnaire. I felt lost without him and didn’t realize how much I had relied on him.
I tried to distract myself from my spiraling thoughts by cataloging my surroundings. The ceiling of the auditorium had to be four stories high. We were led to a large stage in the front. I heard the loud hum of voices coming from outside the room and understood why once they opened the doors. There were hundreds of Somas entering the auditorium. They weren’t exaggerating when they said there were a thousand. They lined up according to some numbering system I didn’t understand, all their eyes on the stage. On us.
I felt myself growing dizzy and lightheaded at the sight of all those people. They just kept pouring through the door, hundreds and hundreds of men and women, every size and shape. All of them were looking at the stage, looking at us, with so much hope and expectation in their eyes.
Lottie and her assistants started the Touchpoint, her voice a vague hum as she spoke into a microphone about what was expected of participants. I wiped sweat off my forehead. There were lights and cameras pointed at the stage. I was familiar with cameras, having appeared on many news shows with my mother and father, but some of the other Mageian’s had never seen them in person and were a bit intimidated by the hot lights and lenses pointed at us. I wasn’tafraidof the cameras, exactly, but they did stir memories I’d rather not recall.
Memories of being small. Helpless. Powerless.
Before I knew it, people started walking across the stage. As they approached and began brushing fingers with my friends my heart started racing and I felt short of breath.Fuck. It was just like the feeling Suppression caused, where no matter how much I actually breathed I felt like I was smothering.
I heard a sudden cheer go up and the sound hit me like a thunderbolt. I was suddenly burning up and the sounds of the auditorium seemed super far away. I held my hand out like the others, but my thoughts were focused on simply not throwing up or passing out. I barely felt or acknowledged the tingling brush of hands from several of the people who walked past me, so focused on my attempts to just keep breathing that I hardly registered the sensations in my hands.
A Soma stood in front of me, a man I’d guess was around the same age as I was. The young man smiled at me in delight, but all I felt was confusion. What was happening?
“Congratulations, young man,” one of the proctors said. “You can wait over here.”
I followed his gaze as he was led away, and the joy and expectation in that look froze me to my marrow. He needed so much from me; he needed more than I knew I could give. I looked across the jam-packed room, each of the faces filled with hope, except the ones who were stepping off the stage without having made a match. Their disappointment and despair were almost palpable. I saw two young women fall into each other’s arms crying, both having crossed the stage without making a match. The pain I saw on their faces broke my heart.
Moving behind the other Mageians to try and cut out the sight, I doubled over, hands on my knees trying not to pass out. I could almost feel the hope of the Somas as they walked though, and the despair of those not chosen. The cheers and noise around me were suddenly just… too much. I had to get away. Away from the hope. Away from the despair. Away from the expectation.
Before I knew what I was doing I was off the stage and out the great double doors of the auditorium and running blindly into the complex.
Chapter 7
Rhuyin
I bounced a red rubber ball off a poster promoting the Omada, an elite Illyrian military squad. It had been left by the previous occupant of the room and I’d never bothered to remove it. I bounced the ball against the wall with my right hand and caught it with my left, only to throw it against the wall again in a never-ending cycle.
The rhythm soothed something in me. The movement was smooth, sure, uninterrupted, and while I focused on it, I didn’t have to think about anything else, not my friends, not my career. And certainly not about the letter I’d received this morning from the Leadership Council.
Rhuyin Katastrofis,
