“Whoa…” He breathed, the word a kiss of wind on my face. “I don’t know what you were thinking just now, but I pity the fool that pissed you off.”
“That fool is my father,” I said, fury simmering in the back of my head. Guilt hid there, too, though. It was my fault this had happened to Kaine. My fault for leaving, my fault for allowing my shitty father to run my life. I tried to shake myself free of the anger. I’d seen what it had done to my Dad. I didn’t want it destroying my life. I tried refocusing on Kaine.
“Bar, school, dojo? That’s a lot,” I said finally.
“It is, but up until now, I didn’t really have anything else to do, so I kind of threw myself into work and school,” he said.
“Up until now?” I teased.
“Well, now that my boyfriend’s back in town, I’m sure I’ll need more time to do other things…” he grinned.
I froze at his words.
“Your b-boy—” I sat up suddenly and moved to the edge of the bed. What the hell had I done? Of course, someone like Kaine was seeing someone. Wait, Kaine was as loyal as the day was long. How could he have kissed me, if he was seeing someone? Maybe it was a pity kiss? That was out of character for Kaine. At least the Kaine I knew…
“I-I should go—” I said abruptly, sliding away from his grasp.
Arms wrapped around me and stopped me before I could stand and escape. I felt Kaine’s body pressed up against me from behind, and I could feel the hot pressure of his erection as he wrapped himself around me.
“I can hear your brain churning from over there. I was talking about you, doofus,” he whispered in my ear.“Youare my boyfriend. The man I love. Always have been. Always will be.”
“Oh,” I said, my brain taking a moment to register his words. “Oh!”
I turned and looked at him.
“Seriously? I mean, before you make that decision, we need to talk about, well, everything…” I began babbling. “I mean, we should discuss sex, I guess, and PrEP and—
“I knowallabout sex,” he nodded at me reassuringly. “Our contract with the moms expired a long time ago.”
He grinned at me, the boyish, heart-stopping smile that made my mouth go dry and my lips tingle in anticipation. I thought my favorite thing about Kaine was his smile. Well, his smile, and the way he would run his fingers along the nape of my neck. And…wait, where was I?
“Um, yeah, I know,” I said, trying not to blush. I was a grown man, dammit! If I couldn’t handle talking about sex…
“PrEP,” I declared, avoiding Kaine’s gaze.
“Prep, as in preparation? Because that seems a little fast. I don’t usually put out on thefirstdate,” he winked at me, and I felt my blush growing even deeper.Fuck. If I was this tongue-tied just talking to him about it, how was I going to do this?
“But I might be convinced, see as how we have history and all. If you mean PrEP as in, ‘pre-exposure prophylaxis’,” his voice rolled over me in a passable British accent. “I’m already on it.”
“Wait, what?” I exclaimed. “You’re on PrEP? Why—”
He shushed me with a finger to my lips.
“Why? Because I’m a gay man in his twenties?Duh,” He grinned as he teased me. “Not everyone is thoughtful about keeping cooties to themselves. And I haven’t exactly been celibate the last six years, Nicki. I… I’ve fooled around. Alot.”
Kaine’s face grew serious and an embarrassed glow flushed his cheeks.
“I know I wanted to wait, to find the right person. But after you left, I think I went… a little crazy for a while…” he said, his voice trailing off for a moment. “It was like I was trying fill in the Grand Canyon, one pebble at a time. I had this aching chasm inside me that no amount of sex would fill. I even had a steady boyfriend a couple of years ago, but he complained that I worked too much and he didn’t get to see me enough.”
“I can understand that. I know I haven’t seen enough of you,” I teased, waggling my eyebrows at him as I deliberately tried to lighten the mood.
“Really? Does that mean we’ve done enough talking for now?” he asked.
“I think we’ve been sufficiently adult-like for the evening. I’d like to just…be,for a while. Would that be okay?” I asked hesitantly.
“As long as I can justbewith you,” he whispered.
Kaine leaned into me, his hair falling down across his eyes, but he didn’t bother pushing it back this time. I felt the satiny smoothness of his lips brush across my own, and I groaned as desire bubbled up from the core of my being. For so long I’d pushed all my feelings away, not even letting myself think about what life could have been like for us if things had been different. If I’d been able to love Kaine like I’d wanted.
