“Ohfuck, don’t make me go through this right now…” I whined and rolled my eyes.
He raised an eyebrow at me expectantly.
“Fine! Clinging to bad relationships. Cycling through multiple relationships. Sabotaging relationships,” I rattled off. “Avoiding intimacy, feeling unworthy and difficulty trusting.”
“When was the last time you went out with someone?” he asked.
“Luke Stephens,” I said quickly.
“When?” He demanded relentlessly.
“I don’t know… a month or two ago? We went to that new action movie,” I said, fumbling to recall. Things had been a little crazy lately, and I didn’t have a lot of time to date. How was this even relevant? I dated.
“That was almost eight months ago, bro,” Bishop said softly.
“No way! That was…” I stammered, trying to recall when I’d taken Luke out.
“…that was in December, right before Christmas,” Bishop finished for me. “Your car got stuck in the snowdrift and Lee had to come pull you out with his Jeep. And you ended it because, and I quote, ‘Luke deserved someone who could be a better boyfriend’.”
“Well, he did!” I exclaimed. “He was awesome! Smart, good looking, funny… he volunteered at animal rescues, for God’s sakes! He’d started growing a purple horn out of his head and farting rainbows… He deserved someone who could be a better boyfriend than I was.”
Bishop looked at me and said, “Why couldn’t that have been you?”
“I— I didn’t have the time—he deserved better than—” I began, but Bishop interrupted me.
“When was the last time you had a relationship that lasted more than three dates?” he asked.
I paused, trying to remember.
“When was the last time you had a ‘relationship’ that consisted of anything more than getting off with someone at The Belt?” he demanded inexorably.
“…Fuck you,” I said without heat after several long moments of thought. I dropped down into the chair next to my desk, my heart rate slowing as we spoke. He was right.
“No, thanks. Even if you weren’t my bro, you’re not my type,” he snarked. I looked for something else to throw at him, but nothing replaceable was in reach, dammit.
“…So, what do I do?” I asked, digging my nails into my scalp.
Bishop got to his feet in one smooth movement, showing off that catlike grace I envied.
“That, my brother, is up to you. Personally? I need coffee,” he said.
He held his hand out to me, and I eyed it warily for a moment before grasping it. He pulled me to my feet and wrapped his arms around me in a tight hug.
“Just remember, Kaine, you aren’t alone.Ever. No matter what happens with Nicki, or anyone else for that matter, you’ve got the fam. We areallhere for you,” he said. “And any man you end up giving your heart to better be fucking worthy ofyou, not the other way around.”
I hugged him tightly and nodded.
I took a few minutes to shower and change my clothes, then headed downstairs. My parents had disappeared, probably to the basement where we had a separate entertainment area, or to their rooms, I wasn’t sure. I glanced at the clock and noted it was after ten p.m. They had most likely called it a night.
Bishop and Nicki were seated at the bar stools around the kitchen counter. Nicki had a bottle of water in front of him and Bishop looked like he had just made a fresh pot of coffee, the first cup steaming in front of him.
I swear, my brother could drink coffee any time of the day or night without it affecting his sleep patterns. I think he had some method of transubstantiating the caffeine out of his blood. He was super particular about his coffee, too. He went to some fancy beanery downtown and bought the beans fresh. He even roasted and ground them at home. He was a coffeeaficionado.
I grabbed myself a bottle of water from the fridge, put a flavoring packet in it and walked to the seat opposite Nicki. Bishop was seated between us, and the silence grew loud.
Nicki looked nervous, his eyes glancing from me to Bishop and back to me again. I bought myself time by taking a long gulp from my bottle of water as I looked at him.
His dark-red hair was a messy mop, just the way I’d always loved it. He looked like he was a little overdue for a haircut, the ends a little ragged and uneven. His dad had always made him keep his hair short, but I loved it like this.
