“Wait,” he said, stopping me before I could jump out.
“Lee, I don’t really think I can handle a lecture,” I said, looking away from him.
“I’m not lecturing you,” he answered. He dug around in his pocket for a moment before pulling out a crumpled restaurant check and held it out to me.
I raised an eyebrow at him.
“Really? The check?” I croaked.
I could almost see the word “asshole” in his eyes, but instead he said, “Nicki gave me this for you. I figured it should be your choice, if you read it or not.”
I took the folded piece of paper out of his hand and stared at it for a minute, like a snake that was about to bite me. Which I knew was exactly what it was, something that would just bring me more pain. I felt like wadding it up and throwing it away, but instead shoved it into my pocket.
“Thanks,” I whispered. Before he could say anything else, I was out the door and heading inside.
I ran upstairs to my room and paced back and forth. I hadn’t spoken to Lee on the drive home, and the car had barely stopped before I was out and heading to the house. I’d been extremely rude to my older brother, and I knew it. I also knew he’d forgive me. He understood exactly what I was going through.
My hand searched out the crumpled paper from my pocket and stood staring at it. I remained like that for almost an hour, the green and white paper taunting me as I debated whether to read it or not.
I was terrified of what it would say. I just knew it was going to be a list of my shortcomings, details of all the ways I had fucked us up, and why I wasn’t worthy to be with him. It had happened before.
The first boy who had ever asked me out had been Vinnie Avery. He’d been funny, gorgeous, and a member of the football and softball teams. He’d also been my first date, my first kiss, my first make out session. So it hadn’t really been a surprise the morning at school when someone had passed me a note from him.
I’d opened it eagerly, expecting it to be plans for after school or that weekend. I’d been excited and horny and couldn’t wait for the end of the class period to open it. I knew Mrs. Lawton was pretty strict, but I figured I would just glance at it really quick, then put it in my binder without her being the wiser.
Instead, I’d stared at the words for what seemed like hours.
Kaine -
I’m breaking up with you. Here’s my reasons why. I generally only tell myself I need two, but for you I might run out of room!
1) You suck at making out.
2) You have shit brown hair that looks like a rat’s nest.
3) You’re fat.
4) You dress like an orphan. Oh wait! You aren’t even an orphan - your parents just didn’t want you anymore! Surprise surprise! Neither do I!
I can’t believe I ever wasted my time on you.
- Vinnie
P.S. I want my Mortal Kombat game back. Eddie Garrett and I are having a sleepover this weekend.
I remembered hearing the tick of the second hand moving around the face of the clock at the front of the room. I felt like the sound had replaced my heartbeat, since I was sure my heart had broken as I’d read the note. My sight had blurred and my vision telescoped down until all I could see were the cold listing of my failings. He’d given me a note, just like my parents…
“…Devereaux?Mr. Devereaux!” I heard a sharp voice call me from the front of the room where our teacher sat at her desk looking at me. I jumped and the other kids snickered.
“Y-yes, ma’am?” I choked out, trying to shove the note into my binder.
She lowered her glasses and looked at me over the rim.
“Let me see it,” she demanded.
I paled. Reading it myself was bad enough, but to have someone else read it… I found myself shaking my head no and her face grew red with anger.
She stood and walked over to my desk and took the note out of my hands. I trembled as she read it, then set it back down in front of me.
