I purchased a bicycle to help me get around, but I was currently driving Vivian’s car. Vivian was amazing and offered to let me use it whenever I needed to, but I figured it would be best if I limited it as much as possible. I had no idea how I would pay back the Dunwoody’s for all they had done for me already.
As I sat in the car, listening to the satellite radio and enjoying the cool breeze of the air conditioning, I watched the people walking around the campus.
It was the second summer session, so there weren’t that many people around. A couple of students here and there, a few people who looked like professors, or maybe teaching assistants. This was what I wanted to be. A normal person, doing normal things. Unafraid of saying or doing something that would piss someone off and earn a beating.
A flash of blond hair and the sound of laughter caught my attention as a student walked past the car as I waited. The first thing I noticed was his ass. I mean, sue me, alright? I was a gay man. I liked men’s asses. And his was tight, cupped in a pair of jeans that made him look delectable. His hair was brown with lots of light-blond highlights, and his body looked like it was sculpted by God. I swear, I thought my mouth watered a little.
Then I heard his voice. He was standing not far from the car, his back to me. His voice sounded eerily familiar.
“Bish, I swear to God, I’m going to kill Sonny if he doesn’t lay off about the store! I mean, I know they have the Grand Opening coming, but for God’s sake! It’s all he can talk about,” he said into his phone.
I stared in shock and a little bit of horror as he walked away from the car. The man talking on the phone had been my best friend. The man I’d come out of the closet for, the man I’d loved with all my heart before I had cut him off without any explanation. Kaine Devereaux.
I froze in my seat, suddenly thankful for the tinted windshield Vivian had selected. I knew it was hard to see inside the car, especially on a sunny day like this one. It gave me a chance to drink my fill of the man I’d fallen in love with five years before.
Kaine’s body had grown into the promise it had held as a teenager. I figured we were probably around the same height, but that’s where the similarity ended. He wasbeyondtoned. I thought his muscles had muscles. He wasn’t a hulk or anything, but it was obvious he still worked out. Probably at his parents’ dojo? That would make sense.
His face was more defined, more… solid… than it had been as a teen. I couldn’t see his eyes because he was wearing dark, mirrored sunglasses. His cheekbones were a little sharper, his whole face a little thinner, I thought. I remembered the day he had come back to school after Vinnie Avery had done a real number on him.
I’d really hated Vinnie. If anyone deserved the title “slut” it had been him. He was well known for breaking hearts in our school, both male and female. He had started dating Kaine when we were fourteen. Kaine and I had already been best friends, but when Vinnie asked him out, Kaine had been beyond flattered.
At the time, I hadn’t acknowledged to anyone that I might be gay, not even Kaine. I knew my father would freak out if I told him, and wasn’t entirely sure how my mom would react. It was just, my dad was already disappointed in me as a son. I knew that coming out to him as gay would be challenging.
Kaine and Vinnie had been dating for a few days, and we’d all walked home together. Kaine was so gone over Vinnie, I knew he couldn’t see the things I saw. The way Vinnie flirted with other people, the way he leered at Cassie McElway, or the way he whispered in Eddie Freeman’s ear during PE and made him blush. I just knew he was fooling around on Kaine on the side, but it wasn’t my place to say anything.
Kaine and I usually hung out after school, but that night Vinnie had asked Kaine to come over to his house to study. I remembered him teasing Kaine about wanting to give him a haircut. At the time, Kaine had been a little overweight, his hair a little ragged, and he didn’t have a very good self-image. Ever since his parents had abandoned him, Kaine had felt like he wasn’t worth anyone’s time or attention. He had participated in martial arts at his parents’ dojo, but like me he’d rather play video games than go running.
I’d always been a little jealous of Kaine’s adoptive family. His two moms were the best parentsever. Mama D would let me help her make candles, and Mama K would teach me new martial arts moves. I’d secretly wanted them to adopt me for years, only to hate myself for it. I knew that my own parents would have to be dead for me to get new parents. I loved my parents, but I’d always felt—at home, with the Devereaux’s.
Kaine and Vinnie had left me at my door and walked the rest of the way home together. I’d stood on the porch and watched Vinnie take Kaine’s shy hand in his, and I’d been furious. I had slammed the front door and ignored the sound of my mother calling after me as I threw my book bag down next to the couch before tearing upstairs.
I threw myself on my bed, angry tears welling up in my eyes as I thought of them hanging out without me. What did I have to offer Kaine, after all? Vinnie was popular, gorgeous, and on the football team. He was genetically blessed with good looks and dimples. Fuckingdimples. While I… I was a skinny kid, one hundred pounds soaking wet, who was sick constantly with one thing or another. What did I have to compete withdimples?
I heard a knock on my door.
“Come in,” I called, though I knew who it would be.
My mom opened the door and looked at me, taking in my defeated air and the tracks of tears I hadn’t had the chance to wipe away yet. One of the things I loved about my mom was that she always wore comfortable clothing. Unlike my dad, who always wore dress pants or khakis, my mom wore jeans and t-shirts. She worked as a part-time secretary at an optometrist nearby. I loved that she was never fussy about what she wore, she just wore whatever was comfortable. That day, I remembered she was wearing a white t-shirt and one of my dad’s old green plaid button downs. She had it knotted at her waist and stood in the doorway with her hands on her hips.
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked softly, her voice gentle as she took in the sight of me staring angrily at the ceiling.
I rolled over on my bed, turning my back to her. She shut the door behind her, then climbed up on the bed, lying next to me on top of the old quilt she had made for me.
“Nicki? Talk to me, sweetheart,” she whispered.
I sighed and rolled to my side, mirroring her posture on the bed. I knew she was about as stubborn as I was, and there was no way she would leave without knowing what was going on.
“It’s stupid,” I said, sniffling and angrily scrubbing at my face.
She reached up and wiped a stray tear from my cheek with her thumb. Her red hair glowed in the fall sunlight, her dark-grey eyes as reflective as silver coins.
“If it’s making you this upset, I doubt it’s stupid,” she said.
I sighed. Mom could read me like a book. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to hide anything from her.
“It’s Kaine…” I said. She raised an eyebrow at me, and I continued. “Kaine… and Vinnie.”
“Ah.” She said, nodding in understanding. “You miss him.”
