“I don’t, um, think my parents would approve of that, Dr. Tate…” I began.
“That’s all right, Kaine, I understand… Noteverystudent is ready to cut the apron strings,” she said, smiling brightly at me. I felt the blush working its way up my neck.Apronstrings? Really? Iwasa grown man!
“We’re not here to talk about your family, though, we’re here to talk about you, andyourfuture in engineering,” she said.
I felt my face growing even redder. The way she phrased her comment made me think this conversation meant Ihadno future in engineering…
“Um, yes, well… I know I’ve been struggling with your differential equations class, but I’m trying to get extra time in with the tutor, but they generally aren’t available the hours I am, so it’s been…” I let out a long breath. “It’s been tough.”
“Challenges…” she said, standing and moving from behind her desk to sit in the chair next to me. “Challenges are what make us…” she laid her hand on my arm, her dark nails gently trailing over my arm. “…or break us,” she said, squeezing tightly as her gaze caught mine. “And I know Kyra and Diana didn’t raise a young man who would break.”
“Um, yeah, I think I’ve heard my parents say that a time or two in the dojo,” I muttered, shifting uncomfortably and trying to laugh off her touch. “I don’t mindchallenges, I’m just…” I ran my hand through my blond hair and let out an exasperated sigh. “It’s not a challenge, anymore. It’s a grind. I just don’t know if I can do this.”
“Do? What do you mean? You’re going to be an engineer, right?” she questioned, raising a painstakingly shaped eyebrow at me. There was genuine concern on her face now, and I felt like I was being dissected under a magnifying glass. I hadn’t meant to bring my doubts up to her.
“I’m… I’m not exactly sure…” I began hesitantly. “I mean, yes, that’s what I’ve wanted to do for a long time, but I’ve kind of hit a wall, and it’s just not… not asfunas it used to be!”
“I used to do math for fun, run through problems to relax, or challenge other people just to see what we could do,” I stood and began pacing. “Now… All I want to do is turn everythingoffand take a vacation.”
I stopped pacing, realizing Dr. Tate was looking up at me with an understanding smile on her face.
“It sounds like a classic case of burnout to me, Kaine. You’ve been working yourself to the bone! It’s the end of the second summer session. You have a couple of weeks off before fall classes start. Why don’t you just take this time and unwind?” she asked.
“I can’t!” I exclaimed, running my fingers through my hair. I was sure at this point the short blond strands were standing on end.
“I still owe you two papers, and my final in art history is next week. If I don’t get at least a B on it, I’m going to have to retake the entire class. We’ve got the twins’ store opening soon, inventory next week at The Belt, and the new dojo opening in Brimfield…” I sighed. “It’s just… a lot!”
“Kaine,” she said, as she stood and walked over to where I was standing, practically pulling my hair out.
“Have you talked to your parents? I know Kyra and Diana would understand if you weren’t able to put in as many hours as normal…” she said.
“No,” I almost barked. The reproach in her eyes had me muttering an apology. “I’m sorry, I just... they need me to get my instructor’s license so that they can move Donell to the new dojo. I have to do a certain number of supervised hours in order to get certified, and I’m behind on that. Plus, we’re down two bartenders at the club I work at, and I need to make my payment on fall semester tuition.”
She looked at me thoughtfully for a moment, no doubt taking in my harried appearance.
“Why don’t we do this? Let’s forget about the two papers you were doing for me on differential equations. I think... I think you need to reconnect withwhyyou loved math in the first place. Write me a paper about what it is about engineering, or about math in general, that fascinates you. I’ll give you an extension on the paper until next weekend,” she offered.
I began to protest, but she laid a single, manicured nail on my lips. “I know I said I’d be out of town next week, but I’m just going to be spending time at the summer house while Daniel is out of town. I know! I’m throwing a house party next Saturday! You can stop by then and drop your paper off. I’ll read it, we’ll discuss it briefly, then you can have the rest of the summer off to relax…”
“Oh my god, Dr. Tate—” She raised an eyebrow at me, so I continued,“Natalie!That would be… you’re amazing,” I finished appreciatively. Again, I felt that odd, vaguely uncomfortable feeling as she looked at me, like she was measuring me in some way. She was a family friend, and I knew she couldn’t mean anything…inappropriateby it… right? And Ididneed the break.
“My pleasure…” she said, before pulling away and smiling at me.
She glanced down at my chair where I’d set my backpack and camera case.
“Is that yours?” she asked, nodding at the camera.
“Yes, ma’am. I’ve been doing amateur photography since I was a kid. I’m thinking about taking a class in the spring,” I said, blushing slightly. I didn’t like to talk about my photography. My mom’s camera was the one possession I had managed never to lose or have stolen from me when I was in foster care.
“How… delightful! Do you do anything with it, professionally?” she asked.
“No, not really. I mean, I’ve photographed a few events for friends, but nothing… you know,official,” I said.
“Well, electives are all well and good. We all need to have our hobbies,” she said, smiling at me condescendingly.
“Yes, ma’am. It’s nothing, really…” I said, my voice trailing off as blood rushed to my face.
I left Dr. Tate’s office a few minutes later and headed for my class, feeling quite a bit lighter than I had going in. I had Art History class at 8 a.m., and while I loved my professor, I found the subject matter boring. It still had to be done though, as it was a requirement for graduation. I had already managed to skip it for two years, and it was a freshman-level class.
