“You’re absolutely right. I’m not your parent. Naw, I’m just the mothafucka who takes care of you. Y’all want to sit here with these long faces for a bitch who left you for dead, but you want me to feel sorry? Naw, y’all got me fucked up.”
“Well, we never asked you to take care of us,” Danae spat, and I swear her words burned me like rubbing alcohol on an open wound.
“What?”
“You act as if we asked you to help us. We could have stayed with Momma, but you forced us to move in with you. You took over because you wanted to, not because we needed you,” she shot back. I stood from my seat to put some distance between us and to get my anger under control.
“Bitch, are you cool?”
“Dreaux!” Dana screamed. I had never disrespected my sisters before, but their words, mixed with the emotions I felt towards my mother, got the best of me.
“Naw, fuck that and fuck y’all. I gave up my whole fucking life to make sure you were straight! Risked my fucking life every single night so you ungrateful mothafuckas could eat and have a place to lay your heads. I wasn’t even old enough to get an apartment in my name, so I had to pay someone to do it for me. I had a full-ride scholarship to play ball for a Division I college, but I gave that shit up so I could be there for y’all.”
“You’ve got a lot of fucking nerve to sit in my face and act like I’m not the reason you get to live a peaceful life. I give you everything you ask for. I’m the mothafucka that spends my nights hustling and still manages to make y’all breakfast every morning before you go to school. Name one game or recital thatI’ve missed. Huh? Tell me how many times you’ve called on me and I didn’t show up. You want to say that I’m not your parent, but where the fuck was your real one? Cause not only did I take care of y’all, but I also provided for her ass too.”
“Everybody wants to sit here and act as if I’m not the one who held this family together. I wasted twenty thousand dollars trying to get your sorry ass mother to get clean, but she didn’t want to. I begged her to get better and even offered to buy her a house so y’all could go back with her, but you know what she told me? That she didn’t want y’all to come back and live with her. It’s funny that y’all have so much compassion for her, but she never asks about y’all. Every time she has called my phone, it was to beg for money or to beat up some nigga because she got caught in some bullshit.”
“It’s all good, though. The next time you need help with something, call your real parent.” I went to my room and attempted to calm down, but it was no use. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, my feelings were hurt, and I wasn’t sure how to deal with it. For so long, I worked my ass off to care for my family, and they were basically saying it wasn’t enough.
Fueling from anger, I packed a bag and got back in my car. I had no idea where I would go, but I needed to disappear for a while. It was rare that I got a moment to myself, but it was long overdue. I drove to a local liquor store and grabbed two bottles of whiskey and a few shells for my weed. I made a few other stops before I checked into a hotel for a week. Before I turned my phone off, I sent a message to Maliah, Justice, and my crew. Justice demanded I send him my location, and I obliged because I knew he would have found it on his own. That was my brother, and he would stop everything to make sure I was straight.
I drowned my sorrow in brown liquor and stared into space, trying my best to numb my thoughts and emotions. Everybody always called me cold-hearted, but they never cared enough tofigure out why. Drayden’s words lingered in my mind, and they made me angry. I never understood the concept of forgiveness, especially for people who showed no true remorse for their actions.
Hell, I honestly didn’t care if a mothafucka apologized a million times, I still didn’t forgive. My family kept trying to give me the speech about how I only had one momma, but there never seemed to be any accountability on her end. She was the one who dropped the ball, so why was I the one who needed to move past it? The liquor warmed my system, and I could feel myself growing sluggish.
When I got up to go to the bathroom, I stumbled over my own two feet and almost hit the ground. It had been years since I had drunk so much because of Doniese. I was afraid of the possibility that I could become dependent like her and not be able to provide for my sisters. I guess it didn’t matter since they didn’t need me anymore. I continued to drink until my body went completely numb. Eventually, I would have to address my emotions. For the time being, I would use this time to drown out the voices in my head and take a break from the outside world.
peace graham
. . .
“Hey,have you heard anything from Dreaux?” I asked Maliah as she walked back into the office.
“He sent me a message last week with instructions because he was going to be out of the office for a while. I haven’t heard anything since them,” she explained.
“His sisters reached out and asked if I had seen him. Apparently, they haven’t seen or heard from him since then either. Is this normal for him to disappear like this?” I tried to put on a smile and pretend I was asking out of pure curiosity, but the truth was, I was reeling inside.
“No, not at all. He rarely ever takes time off, and when he does, it’s usually to spend time with his family. I’m sure he’s okay. He probably just needed to unplug from the world for a bit.”
My feelings were hurt because I fell hard for Dreaux, but it seemed as if those feelings weren’t mutual. What was worse was the fact that Promise grew attached to him as well. She kept asking for him, and whenever she went to their house, she would call his name, but there was no response. It pissed me off because he would be another man in her life who let her down.
I pulled up to Ciyani and Justice’s house with one thing on my mind. She tried to get some information from Justice, but his loyalty to Dreaux wouldn’t allow him to give out the information. She thought he might change his mind if I came to see him in person. All I could do was hope for the best.
“Hey, boo. Come on in.” Ciyani greeted me with a hug before inviting me into her home.
“Hey, love. Thank you for letting me come over. I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”
“Girl, no. Janae, Wisdom, and the twins are here for dinner. The men are watching a fight tonight, so I decided to cook at the last minute. I know you came here on a mission, but you’re more than welcome to stay.” She gave me a knowing look, but I shook my head.
“Don’t give me that look. I just want to know where he is and why he hasn’t been home. He’s a grown man, so if he’s somewhere laid up with a bitch, that’s his business. I just want to make sure everything is okay.”
“Well, I can assure you that he is safe. He and Justice are extremely close, and I can promise you that my husband would tear this city up behind his best friend. They may not be blood, but they are family. Come with me. I’ll show you to his office.”
She led me to Justice’s office and lightly knocked on the door before letting herself inside. Justice’s eyes lit up the moment he laid eyes on her, and I thought it was the cutest thing ever.
“What’s up, baby?”
“Hey, Peace is here to see you.” When Justice glanced in my direction, a smirk flashed across his face.
