And so, in the days that follow, I live for those scenes.
I live for every time Josh-as-Dom finds my mouth with his and claims me.
Every time we have permission to lock eyes across a crowded ballroom, our gazes lingering, living only for each other.
Every time we’re lying tangled in the sheets of Dom’s bed, an oasis in the centre of that sound stage.
We are so far from acting every touch, every word, every kiss, that I can’t believe everyone around us can’t see it.
But, however much we’re suffering, boy are our performances benefiting. There’s a beautiful tenderness, a wistfulness, a yearning when we’re together.
Like none of it is ever enough.
Like we’re both addicts.
There’s one scene in the final episode: we’re shooting it now before they dismantle the stunning library. Georgiana and Dominic are wandering around the bookshelves, browsing for a book he can read to her in bed. It’s evening, and they’re in their dressing gowns: his rich velvet, and hers sweeping jacquard, the voile of her nightgown billowing underneath.
We stand in front of a bookshelf. David is shooting wide shots of the two of us in profile.
Josh reaches behind my head to select a book. ‘This one may be diverting, I think, my darling.’
‘Dominic.’ The tone of my voice stops him, and he pauses and rests his other hand on the shelf, caging me in.
‘What is it, my love?’
I hesitate. I find Josh’s beautiful eyes and drink him in. My voice has a tremor when I speak, as I imagine Georgiana’s would in this situation. My hand slides under my dressing gown to my stomach.
‘I—I believe myself to be with child.’
His eyes widen as he absorbs my words, before his face collapses with emotion. There are real tears in Josh’s eyes, though it’s highly unlikely the camera will pick them up.
‘Oh, mydarling.’
He leans forward and kisses me so sweetly, so tenderly on the lips, before dipping his head to kiss my neck. As he does, Josh’s whisper reaches me for my ears only.I love you so much.He withdraws, his eyes meeting mine, before he gets to his knees in front of me and slowly, slowly unties the silk tassels of my robe.
His hands slide up my bare legs, pulling my nightgown up with them, all the way up until he reaches my stomach. As this is a profile shot, the camera can’t see anything untoward, and I’m wearing flesh-coloured knickers for good measure.
But the way Josh peppers my stomach with featherlight kisses is real.
The goosebumps that erupt across my skin in the wake of his lips are real.
And the tears that well up in my eyes, as Dominic kisses his pregnant wife’s stomach, are real.
JOSH
I cannot fucking bear it.
Elle and I have come so far together, but the world isn’t interested in the real story. All they see are the headlines. And I get it. The first time round, they turned her into a fucking joke.
Iturned her into a joke.
At a time when she should have been triumphing in her Cannes win and her Oscar buzz, she was the girl who was stupid enough to get burnt by one of the biggest party boys in Hollywood.
I will never do that to her again.
I will never let her be a laughingstock again.
I will never give them an opportunity to call her spineless or naïve or delusional.
