I nodded, even though I’d heard this analogy before from other ICs, because her words were a reminder that this wasn’t me, alone in front of the camera with Josh and relying on his good graces. We had a professional in our corner, reducing what would look post production like an effortlessly steamy sequence to a mechanical series of gestures. Move arm likeX. DoYwith mouth. That I could do.
‘Let’s start by voicing any concerns you may have, if you feel comfortable sharing them in front of each other,’ Katesaid. ‘If you’d rather both speak to me separately, we can do this as two private chats.’
‘I just want to make sure Elle feels comfortable and safe at all times,’ Josh said gruffly. ‘I don’t know how she’s feeling about this conversation, but I know it’s difficult for me. Having said that, I’m willing to discuss anything that needs to be covered—I’m hoping the more clarity we get now, the less margin for error or offence there’ll be when we’re shooting.’
‘That’s great, Josh,’ Kate said, and I rolled my eyes internally, even though I was grateful for his words. ‘Do you have anything to add, Ellery?’
‘I think Josh has covered everything,’ I said evenly. Wild horses could not drag my biggest fear out of me.What if my brain and my body get confused? What if I find myself practically naked with Josh on set and it triggers feelings I’ve worked very, very hard on burying? What if I fancy the pants off him in naked, sexy duke mode?
Luckily, movie sets are spectacularly unsexy places, and when I had the exposed paunch of some sound guy hanging over me as he held the boom in place, I’d be unlikely to be transported by desire.
We covered off the contractual boundaries we’d both stipulated. Josh and I had reasonably similar clauses: we’d both agreed to fully nude rear and side views and I’d agreed to show my nipples where we deemed it artistically appropriate. Whatever. They were just nipples. I was more worried about skin on skin than I was about the world seeing my boobs on camera again?—
Oh, holy fuck. I suddenly sat bolt upright.
‘What is it?’ Kate asked.
I looked at Josh in a panic.
‘Do you want me to leave?’ He pointed at the door. ‘I can leave.’
‘No. No—I.’ Shit. This was important stuff.I needed to stand up for myself. ‘I just thought of something—we have clauses for what the camera can show, but not regarding… um, touch.’ I couldn’t have Josh touching my boobs.
Kate’s eyebrows knitted together.
‘I mean, I obviously have places I’m not comfortable being touched by’—I risked a look at Josh, who looked like he wanted to sink through the floor—‘my co-leads.’ I gestured vaguely to my boob area for good measure.
‘Oh, gosh.’ Kate held up her hand. ‘Please don’t worry about that, Ellery. Every single movement and point of contact will be pre-agreed. There will be no touch you’re not comfortable with, and I’d be very surprised if the directors made any requests in that department that you deem unreasonable. In the most extreme scenario, we could demand a body double, but I have a feeling that won’t be necessary. Now. Let’s talk about closure, shall we? And then we can run through your expectations for tomorrow’s kissing scene.’
I’d done closure before. The idea was that our bodies could get carried away in these scenes, producing the same chemicals they might produce in real life—endorphins, dopamine—and that it was healthy to have a ritual between the actors that marked the end of the scene. I usually high-fived, or hugged it out.
InGracie, David and I had a particularly silly ritual of sticking our tongues out and making fart noises while putting our thumbs on our noses and wiggling our fingers like clowns. The sex scenes were so difficult, and often harrowing, we needed something infantile to snap us out of that headspace afterwards.
‘Do you have any suggested signs for closure?’ Kate asked.
‘How about a hug?’ Josh suggested at the same time that I said, ‘A handshake?’
I stared at him as if he’s lost the plot.
A fucking hug?
No way.
Kate cocked her head. ‘Okay. Why did you suggest a handshake, Ellery?’
‘It’s transactional.’ I glared daggers at Josh. ‘It reminds us that what just passed was us doing ourjob.’
‘That seems fair. Do you agree, Josh?’
‘Sure. Whatever Elle wants.’
‘Excellent.’ Kate picked up her notebook. ‘Now, let’s talk about this kiss.’
CHAPTER 24
Elle
Oh, my sweet baby Jesus.
