‘He’s still breathing.’ My tone is as grim as my face.
Nora brings over a tray with three enormous glasses, an open bottle of Mara’s red, and a bowl of our favourite chickpea crisps. She sets it on the floor and squats down beside Mara.
‘We needeverydetail. Chronologically, please.’
I groan and pick Olive up off my tummy, swinging my legs over the edge of the sofa so I can sit up with my wine. Nora and Mara sit at my feet like two Olives waiting for a treat. Which is, basically, exactly what they’re doing, though the treat is the vicarious thrill of reliving my nightmare day.
‘Give her here.’ Nora reaches out, wiggling her fingers, and I hand Olive over to her. She settles Olive in the crook of her arm and croons to her. I swear, Nora loves Olive more than she loves any human I know.
‘So,’ Mara orders. ‘Tell us what it was like when you actually saw him for the first time.’
And so I dutifully relay that moment when Josh Lander walked into the room after five years of silence and seven weeks of completely bricking it on my part, and my relief that Alyssa allowed us to meet privately before the read, and my even greater relief that she stayed to hold my hand for a minute.
‘How did he look?’ Mara demands.
I nod my head begrudgingly. ‘He looked—great.’
‘Hot?’
I nod again. ‘Seriously hot, if you like that kind of sexy sociopath look.’
‘I hope he showed up with his fucking tail right between his legs,’ Nora says, stroking Olive’s tiny head. ‘Who’s the most beautiful girl in the whole world? You are! You are!’
I roll my eyes. ‘I think he was smart enough not to try anything. He let me speak, and?—’
‘Did you do your speech like we practised?’ Mara points at me accusingly.
‘Word for word.’
‘Good girl.’
‘And he didn’t put up a fight.’
‘He didn’t try to apologise, or explain, or any bullshit like that?’
‘God, no. I made it clear he doesn’t exist for me off screen. I should hope he gets the message loud and clear that any attempt at explaining or building bridges will be completely unwelcome and utterly inappropriate.’
Nora nods. ‘Exactly. We need serious boundaries when dealing with these celebrity wankers,’ she tells Olive, who’s gazing at her in fascination. ‘Especially when they’re so entitled, they probably think their past crimes are totally normal.’
While Nora is my biggest fan, she finds the world of celebrity deeply disturbing and thoroughly unimpressive.
‘So, how was the read?’ Mara asks. ‘Please tell me he’ll get hung out to dry for hisBritish accent.’ She says the last two words in an over-the-top American accent.
‘Ugh, so here’s the thing.’ I pop a couple of crisps in my mouth and crunch them satisfyingly before continuing. ‘Not only was it flawless—we’re talking Gwyneth-Paltrow-in-Emma-level flawless—but it completely transformed him. At the table, it was like Josh Lander disappeared and Dominic Coventry was in his place.’
‘How irritating,’ Mara says, ‘but hopefully it’ll make your life a bit easier, if you can see him more as Dominic and not Josh?’
Nora perks up. Despite being far more cynical than me, she’s an even bigger regency romance aficionado than I am. I got her into them when we moved in together, and she’s never forgiven me. She’s also never got bored of them.
‘Was he sexy? As Dominic, I mean. Do you think he’ll make a good duke?’
I’d like to think I’m not an unfair person. I can be generous when I need to be. ‘He’ll make a great duke, Nor. He was seriously sexy—all rakish and arrogant. Just what we love.’
‘Oh, shite.’ Nora groans and buries her head in the soft fur of Olive’s chest. ‘You’re so fucked. It’s so annoying he was good.’
Mara brandishes her wine glass. ‘Okay, so I’m sorry to ask such a wanky and touchy-feely question. I’m only asking because I fucking love you. And you keep me in Balmain, so I need to make sure you’re okay. But… did it hurt? Your heart, I mean, when you saw him?’
I drop my head and focus on the pretty colours the pinot makes as I swirl it in its goldfish-bowl glass. And for the first time since we walked out of that room this morning and into the table read, I allow myself to reach beyond the anger andnerves and mortification and let the emotion that hit me when I saw him wash over me once again.
