The audience goesahhhh, and Gordon rolls his eyes.
‘Right then, Elle. Good to have you back so soon. Let’s get you to earn your keep. Anything from your last visit you’d like to retract?’
Game on. I straighten up. ‘Yeah. I think it’s pretty obvious I shouldn’t have said what I said last week. This man deserveseverytype of happy ending, in case he hasn’t made that clear just now.’
‘So why d’you say it?’
‘He’d really pissed me off about something earlier that day. It was a stupid knee-jerk comment.’
‘What do you make of the press furore around it all?’
‘Look. I appreciate my fans more than I can say. And I appreciate all the platforms out there who have helped me find success, helped me find a voice. But what they’ve been saying isn’tmyvoice—they’re putting words in my mouth. And it concerns me, Gordon. And I don’t want to put a foot wrong here. Not because I’m worried about my image, but because I know people look to me for direction, rightly or wrongly, and I don’t want them to infer the wrong thing from my actions and get hurt in their own lives.
‘Yeah, Josh behaved like a dick to me five years ago. So what? People grow. They change. We’re all better than the worst things we’ve done. He’s explained himself to me, and I find his explanation acceptable, so I don’t need well-meaning third parties to protect me. I just want you all to know I’ve found a good man. No one hated this guy’s guts more than me a few months ago, when we started filmingGrosvenor.Believe me. But he’s shown up for me. He’s put actions above words, and he’s won me over.’
‘Can I ask how?’
I glance at Josh, who gives me a little smile and a nod, as if to sayyou can do this.
‘You can. Josh never shared his substance abuse struggles with me, and I wish he had, because I would like to have been there for him. But it turns out, we were both keeping things from each other—hiding the sides of ourselves we thought made us less-than. It’s kind of ridiculous, because these are the things that have brought us closer recently.
‘So, when I was finishing up the interview with you last week, I felt pretty ill, and that escalated into a huge flare-up later that night that had me hospitalised.’
Gordon’s mouth is an O. I didn’t brief him on this.
‘I’m so sorry, love. Are you okay now?’
‘Yeah, I’m fine now, thanks. But I have Crohn’s disease, have done for over a decade. It’s not public knowledge. It’s something I struggle with every day, and yet I never told Josh.’
‘And why was that?’
‘Because it was so embarrassing. It’s a horrible illness that inflames your bowel, and let’s just say the symptoms are as revolting and unglamorous as you can get. And I’d got together with this Hollywood god, who I was besotted with, and there wasno wayI was coming clean to him about my condition.’ I bow my head.
‘I wanted him to think I was perfect. He seemed really into me, and I was worried I’d put him off me if I told him. And after he finished with me, I was so relieved I’d kept that bit of myself back, because I thought even the perfect front I’d put on hadn’t been enough for him. I know now I was wrong.’
Josh puts his arm around me and kisses my temple as the audience swoons.
‘So what went wrong last week then—are you happy to talk about your stint in hospital?’
‘Of course. I lost a lot of blood and fluids; I was severely dehydrated. Josh found out and came to the hospital. He tookme home when I was discharged and stayed with me the whole time. Carried me around. Ran me baths. Fed me broth. He was amazing. And obviously it all came out, then. What I really have to deal with. He asked me if I’d consider sharing my story, and I haven’t, until now, for personal reasons.
‘But it was one of the things I wanted to do tonight. If Josh can be brave enough to share himself with all of you, warts and all, then so can I. I know how many of you out there suffer from Crohn’s, far worse than I do. I know how much it’s impacted your quality of life. And I’m going to get a lot better about championing you, I promise.’
Gordon leans forward, his cue cards hanging from his hand. ‘How do you feel about everything, Elle? Now you and Josh have got everything out in the open, with each other, and with the world?’
I smile at Josh, searching his beautiful face for a sign that he knows everything’s going to be okay.
‘I feel a huge sense of relief that there are no more secrets. And privilege, that this man has trusted me enough to show me his true self. I only wish he’d trusted me with that privilege sooner. Because the more fully I see him, the more I love him.’
I hold Josh’s gaze as I say this, and everything fades away as he lowers his mouth to mine. The audience. On their feet. Stamping. Cheering. Applauding. Gordon’s attempts to restore order. The cameras. Everything fades away but his kiss.
CHAPTER 50
Josh
‘Istill can’t believe how much nicer of a suite you got than me. It’s seriously uncool.’
I just hopped out of bed to open the drapes on her gorgeous rounded windows that look out on the sunlit gardens. Alyssa texted last night and said she was pushing back our call time today. Said she figured we may have some ‘catching up to do’. We’ll owe her (and Kate) a full explanation later, but right now I’m pumped I get to spend a lazy morning in bed with my girl. And because the cat’s out of the bag, we can even risk room service.
