“Making sure a wayward groomsman is going to be there is last-minute shit,” he replies as he takes a seat on my left, and Rowan takes the one to my right.
“You don’t have to do this. I’ll be there, Dom. I promised I would.”
I expect him to make some jab about how I left before, and I’d do it again. But he doesn’t. Instead, I feel him look over me to meet Rowan’s eye, and it makes my skin prickle. They used to do that when I was a kid and they thought I couldn’t handle something. Usually Dad.
“Why were you so upset when you went to the bar?” Rowan asks, his voice soft.
I should lie to them like I always do. But what the hell do I have left to lose? Grant’s going to get me eventually. He’s going to hurt me, and there’s nothing they can do to stop it. When I told Rowan the truth of why I lied all those years ago, I felt better. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to try it.
“Grant’s been following me since I came back to Brooklyn.”
“More than just the hotel parking lot?” Rowan asks.
“What?” Dom demands. “You knew about this?”
“Just the one time. He told me Grant talked to him in the parking lot of the hotel he stayed at the first night. He didn’t say anything else.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Dominic asks, glaring at Rowan.
“Because Jude told me in confidence.”
“You should’ve said something,” Dominic snaps before turning to me. “Did he hurt you?”
“Not that night. But he hit me the next time he saw me. In the alley outside Max’s place.”
“I knew you didn’t just get fucking mugged,” Rowan says. His voice is heated with anger. “Why did you lie to me about that?”
I lift my free hand to run it through my hair like that’ll give me some type of clarity. “I don’t need you fighting everything for me. Grant wanted me; you guys had nothing to do with it.”
“You’re our brother,” Dominic says. “We have everything to do with it.”
I shake my head and take another pull of the cigarette. I don’t think they’ll ever understand why I did what I did.
Rowan nudges me with his elbow. “Tell him what you told me. About why you lied when I was arrested.”
Dominic stills beside me. I think he’s pissed that I told Rowan and not him. But I didn’t owe him an explanation. I only owed that to Rowan. But just like everything else right now, it feels like it doesn’t even matter. Because Grant will always be there. He’ll find a way to get to me, no matter what.
So I tell Dom everything. I tell him about the threats Grant made, how Dad said he was going to kill Row when he came back home. I can feel him getting angrier, fidgeting restlessly as I talk. He probably thinks I did the wrong thing, but I don’t care. It’s too late to change anything now.
“Why didn’t you tell us?” he asks when I’m done. It’s about the last thing I expected him to say.
“Why would I tell you?” I ask. “It’s humiliating. You think I want you guys thinking about me in that position? You have no idea what it was like. The things we did together…” I stop before anymore words come out. The stuff I do with guys, with Max, that’s intense, but it’s not like with Grant. Because when I’m with a guy, we both want what’s happening. I make sure of it before we start.
“You don’t have to tell us details,” Rowan says. “But you should’ve told us he was hurting you.”
“Why? So Dad could go ballistic and kill one of us? It was better that I just made sure Grant was happy. It kept Dad happy.”
Dom frowns as he stares out into the distance. “You mean those months right before Row went to juvie when he was semi-nice was because you were fucking his friend?”
Heat shoots into my face, but I answer. “Yes. And I’m not sorry.”
Dom shakes his head but doesn’t say anything else. We sit in silence for a few minutes, and I listen to the sounds of the city, the trains and people. The music floating from someone’s apartment.
Finally, Rowan asks softly, “Outside in the alley, was that the last time Grant tried to see you?”
“No. Last night. I was in the elevator in your building, on my way up. He caught the door and got on with me.” Just remembering that moment makes me want to shiver, but I hold it together because I don’t want to do that in front of them.
“What happened in the elevator?” Rowan prompts when I pause too long.
