The words hurt coming out of my mouth. I don’t want Grant here in Max’s apartment. Not even his name or memory.
When my pause goes on for a while, Max squeezes my fingers in a gentle prompting.
“Seeing him today just kind of brought it all back. You were trying to do something nice, and all I could think about was him. So, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be an ass.”
“You weren’t an ass,” Max says. Then he asks softly, “Did he hurt you, Jude?”
I’m not sure how to respond to that. A simple yes wouldn’t suffice. Grant tortured me. He messed with my head and made me think it was all my fault. He made disgusting comments and threats about my friends until I alienated myself from all of them. I couldn’t tell my brothers, definitely couldn’t tell Mom and Dad. I had never felt so alone.
But I can’t tell that kind of stuff to Max. It’d scare him off or gross him out, and I just want to be with someone right now.
So I just say, “It was a long time ago.”
Sensing my reluctance, Max says, “You don’t have to tell me. But I’m glad you’re away from him, whoever he is. You deserve to be happy and to be with someone who sees how amazing you are.”
The compliment makes me uncomfortable. Especially because it’s not the full truth. But I can’t go deeper than that. Everything’s always been purely physical between me and the guys I’ve slept with. It’s better that way. Then no one can hurt me like Grant did.
Fourteen
Max
I wanted so badly for Jude to tell me the rest of his story. I could tell it was deeper and darker than he had let on. But he wasn’t willing—or ready—to tell me the rest, so I didn’t push him on it. Lord knew there were things about Patrick I could never talk about. It hurt too much. But Jude’s obviously hurts in a different way.
It’s unfathomable to me how someone could hurt him. He’s rough and can obviously take care of himself, but there’s a vulnerability and tenderness to him that takes my breath away. My soul can feel it. He’s been through hell too, just on a different level.
When I pull open the front door to the bar, I’m bolstered by how packed it is. It’s usually pretty slow at this time of day, but we always have the people who believe it’s five o’clock somewhere.
I make my way to the bar, where Rowan’s making drinks and trying to keep up with all the orders. I’m about to offer to help when I see Jude with his back to Rowan behind the bar, making an incredible looking martini.
He flashes a charming smile at the man he hands it to, and the young guy stammers out a thank you. I glance around and realize quite a few of these people must be here for him. How long has he been behind the bar?
When Rowan catches my eye, he offers an apologetic half-smile. “Sorry,” he says when I get through the crush of people to reach the bar. “Someone was recording in here and posted it on some social media website, and the place was packed before I could even call Delilah in.”
“What did they record?” I ask. We have a social media presence that definitely helps bring in customers but not like this.
“Um…” Rowan glances back at his brother. “Someone took a video of Jude playing around behind the bar. I shouldn’t have let him back here. I’m sorry.”
I wave his apology away with a hand. “When it relaxes a bit in here, could you send him to the office?”
“Sure.”
Even though I’d rather stay and watch Jude in action, I turn and make my way into my office, shutting the door in an attempt to drown out the noise.
But I don’t get much work done, even with the muted sound. I keep thinking about Jude on the couch last night. In the shower before. In my bed the other day. I’d told him I wasn’t ready to be in another long-term relationship yet, but I’ve been wondering all morning if that’s true.
It figures the first guy I really like isn’t staying in town longer than a week.
***
About an hour later, there’s a knock on my door, and my heart jumps into my throat.
“Come in,” I call, trying to look unaffected.
The door opens, and Jude steps into the office, a half-smile pulling his lips up at the corner. “You wanted to see me?”
“Yeah.” I clear my throat as he closes the door. “I just wanted to make sure that was okay…what was going on out there.”
Jude’s smile widens a little. “You called me back here to ask that? You’ve been in here for an hour. If it did bother me, that was kind of a weird way to stop it.”
