Lacey reaches over and lays her hand on top of mine. “We’re happy for you, Max. But if he hurts you, we’ll kill him.”
“And we have friends in high places,” Gary adds. “We could get away with it. Probably.”
I’m relieved when the waiter returns with our food so the conversation can shift. I love them being so open and accepting, but I could also go the rest of my life without having another conversation like this.
***
When I leave the deli, I head for the cemetery, like I always do after these lunches. I visit Patrick at other times besides the monthly lunch, but there’s something about being around his friends that makes me want to be near him too. Even if he can’t talk back.
I stare down at his headstone, the polished rock gleaming in the afternoon sun. Even with all the times I’ve visited him, I still feel like I have more to say. I wonder if that feeling will ever go away.
I kiss the tips of my fingers, then press them to the headstone. “I’ve missed you. Big shock, I know.”
The only answer I receive is the wind whistling around the trees. I kneel and brush some of the dead leaves from the top of his plot.
“I met someone.” I whisper the confession because it feels like such a betrayal to him, even though my heart knows all Patrick would’ve wanted was for me to be happy.
“Well, he’s not really someone, I guess. He’s not staying long, but…I like him. I haven’t really liked a guy since…you left.” I cringe when I say it because it makes it sound like I believe he abandoned me or something. Not like he sacrificed his life saving a little girl from a burning building.
“I’m sorry.” I blow out a breath and glance around the empty cemetery. “I feel like I shouldn’t like someone again already. Like it’s too soon for the mourning period to be over.”
I know it doesn’t actually go like that. We can’t control our hearts—or lust for that matter. But I feel like my will should be stronger.
“You’re always going to be my first everything,” I whisper, staring at the engraved name. “That’s never going to change, Patrick. I promise.”
Even though it’s childish, I’m hoping he’ll respond somehow. Like I’ll feel it in the breeze or hear bells tinkling. But the wind is still again, and the only sound I hear is the traffic of Brooklyn.
Eleven
Jude
Once I get back into my hotel room, it takes me less than two minutes to pack everything into my bag. My hands are shaking, and my stomach keeps convulsing like I need to throw up.
Back when I was a kid, after Rowan had beaten him up, Grant still stopped by the school sometimes to see me. All it took was a security guard seeing him once, and that ended. But it was another driving reason why I had to get out of the city. Something about me made Grant keep coming back. And I knew he’d never stop.
A knock sounds on my door, and I go still, gripping my bag tightly. If that’s Grant, I can’t let him in.
But if I don’t, he’ll be so angry. Angry enough to hurt someone.
“Jude?” Anastasia’s voice drifts from the other side of the door. “Do you have a minute?”
I let out a breath and move to the door to open it.
She beams up at me and steps into the room before I’ve even invited her. “I hope you’re not in the middle of anything, because we’ve got a rush thing to take care of.”
“We?” I ask, closing the door.
“Well, yeah. Now that you’re here, Brigid and Dominic want you in the wedding party. So we have to go get you fitted for a tux. I managed to get an appointment for today.” She pauses and glances at my packed bag. “Are you leaving?”
“Oh, um…” In my haze from seeing Grant, I’d forgotten about the wedding. Forgotten about Dominic and Rowan and the whole reason I came back to Brooklyn. “No, I’m not. I mean, I am. The hotel. It’s a little loud for me here. I think I heard gunshots last night.”
I need to stop talking. If she knew me even a little, she’d know that none of that would normally be a reason for me to leave. I’ve stayed in way rougher places than this.
“Have you found a new place yet?”
“Not really. I—”
“Then come stay with me and Rowan.” When I open my mouth, she says, “I won’t take no for an answer. It’s good for family to be together.”
