Fitzwilliam took a deep breath to calm himself. “You know how I say that you occasionally insert your hessian into your mouth?”
“Yes, you may have mentioned thatonce or twiceover the years. What of it?”
“From your first day in Hertfordshire up to, and including, your proposal, which is the worst I have ever heard of, all you did was open your mouth to change boots! William, I know you are uncomfortable among those you do not know, but your behaviour was plainly bad and not that of a gentleman.”
“Miss Elizabeth took pains to point that out along with all of my other perceived faults. She was not wrong in everything.”
“That is why you wrote the letter to Miss Elizabeth that you did, including the part where you told her about Gigi’s almost disaster?” Fitzwilliam saw his cousin give a tight nod. “After meeting her, I agree with you that she will never share the information about Gigi publicly without your permission. On a different subject, did you do anything to spike the seducer’s guns, or did you, like youhave in the past, walk away and allow him to damage those in the community where the woman you claim you love lives?”
“As ashamed as I am to admit it, I was too worried about the libertine destroying Gigi’s reputation, so I warned no one. I should have spoken to protect the populace. At the very least, I should have consulted you so that we could plan what to do together.”
Before he responded. Fitzwilliam paused as he thought about what to say next; he did feel some sympathy for his cousin, but there was no way to soften what he needed to say. “Firstly, yes, as he is in the militia, I could have done something about him. So it would have been the proper thing to let me know. Secondly, what were you thinking by denigrating her family in that way while trying to win her heart? Did you not tell me how much she loves her family, foibles and all?”
Darcy allowed it was so and tried to justify his words, “I was trying to convey that I had overcome all of my former scruples against the match…” he stopped speaking. As he said the last, he could hear how arrogant he sounded. “Many of Miss Elizabeth’s reproofs were accurate. Even if I have lost my chance with her, I need to address them and become a better man.”
The coach slowed and then came to a halt at the Bell in Bromley. There would be a close to two-hour rest, as Darcy had chosen not to swap his horses for those at the inn.
~~~~~~~/~~~~~~~
Thanks to the warming spring weather, the pond’s ice had melted by the end of February, the waterfowl had returned, and the Gardiner four returned to feeding them almost every day. Most days Jane accompanied them, like she had on this day, the first Friday of April.
Since she had begun to have her epiphanies and cast offher old personal philosophy, which had not allowed her to see the reality of the world around her, Jane felt more at peace than at any other time she could remember.
She no longer pined for Mr Bingley. Accepting that he did not love her enough to fight for her had been liberating. Furthermore, she was certain that he was incapable of standing up to Miss Bingley. Over the weeks since that realisation, Jane had spoken to Aunt Maddie, who had agreed with her assessment of Mr Bingley’s infatuation with her and that it was never a deep and abiding love. She had asked Jane if she truly loved him, as at the time, she had only been willing to see what she wanted to see. In fact, she had loved an apparition, not the true man.
At first, Jane had wanted to tell Aunt Maddie she was wrong, but it did not take long for her to accept that her aunt had the right of it. How could she have truly loved a man when she had not seen him for the person that he was?
Thanks to Jane’s new strength, she only read those parts of her mother’s letters which did not mention Mr Bingley or using her beauty and wiles to catch some other rich man. She still loved Mama; she just saw her for who she was and knew that her mother was the last person in the world who should guide Jane, or any of her sisters, as they sought marriage partners.
Her new awareness allowed Jane to see her father’s faults as well. Although he had the power to guide and protect his family, rather than help them, he hid away in his study. Except for time with Lizzy, he was only with his family outside of meals when it suited him, and then it was for his own benefit; his entertainment, more often than not at the expense of his wife and daughters.
Only once all the stale bread Cook had kept for the cousins was thrown to the quacking ducks and silent swans did the children agree to return totheir house. Jane walked next to Lilly on one side; at twelve, she thought herself too old to hold Jane’s hand like May was doing on the other side. Eddy and Peter walked with Nurse and the footman who had been with them in the park.
Once they had all been divested of their outerwear, and after hugging their mother, the older three went to their lessons with the governess, and May went to have a nap in the nursery with Nurse escorting her. With the children gone, Jane and her aunt made for the drawing room.
“Jane dear, this letter arrived for you while you were out with the children; it is from Lizzy,” Maddie said as she handed the missive over.
“Are you sanguine with my reading it now?” Jane requested.
“Of course I am; read away,” Maddie allowed. “Unless there is anything not for my eyes, I will peruse it after you.”
After nodding, Jane sat on the comfortable sofa and broke Lizzy’s seal.
3 April 1812
The Parsonage
Hunsford
My dearest sister, Jane,
I am so pleased that I can tell how much happier you are from your letters.
Please return the Easter wishes my aunt and uncle sent me, even if Easter is almost a week past. This is, after all, my first letter since before the holy day.
So much has happened, Jane, and there is no one I need to speak to but you. However, some of the subjects I need to canvass can only be done in person and certainly not via the post. Another reason Ineed to tell you in person is that you will think me funning you if I wrote all here.
All I will say here, is that I have been nonsensical about many things! Yes, you read those words from me; I too am able to admit when I see I have erred.
