“See that you do. This is the final time I will warn you about this.” Bennet paused as he thought about something before he returned to the study. “Allfive of our offspring are females; why do you favour Jane and Lydia?”
“Well, you show a preference for Miss Lizzy,” Fanny huffed.
“As I would for any of our daughters who seek my company and ask me to teach them. In addition, she is intelligent enough to understand what she learns,” Bennet explained.
“She is a hoyden and worse, you are turning her into a bluestocking…” Fanny stopped when she saw the anger on her husband’s countenance.
“Did I not just order you to stop denigrating your daughter? And in case you do not realise it, there are men who seek an intelligent wife. I am one of those men, but in that, I failed and fell for the wiles of a woman who did not show me her true self before we married.”
“Only Jane and Lydia are pretty enough, so they will be the ones to catch a rich man and save me…us from the hedgerows,” Fanny replied.
“Mrs Bennet, are you blind? All of our daughters are very pretty…” Bennet stopped and cogitated for a few moments. “It is because Jane and Lydia look like you, is it not?” He saw his wife look away, but he did not miss the way her face told him that he had hit the nail on the head. “That is it, is it not? You use such a vain definition of beauty, all based on how you look? I am sure in your opinion, since Lydia is as vapid as you and has a similar character that you think she is perfect. Did you not first reject her because you blamed her for taking away your ability to bear children?”
“What of it? My Jane and Lydia are the most beautiful girls!” Fanny hissed, ignoring what her husband said about her changed attitude towards Lydia. Her youngest was like her in looks and liveliness; how could she not love her?
“Mrs Bennet, I take my leave of you. If I see or hear of you denigrating Lizzy, or any of your daughters again, you will not be happy,” Bennet threatened.
Jane had been passing her mother’s sitting room and had noticed the door was not closed all the way, and for some unknown reason she had stopped to listen. She had hurried and arrived at her own chamber before her father stepped out of the sitting room.
~~~~~~~/~~~~~~~
As Jane allowed herself to remember the conversation she had overheard more than nine years past, she realised that, like many things which were unpalatable to her, she had pushed the words from her mind.‘What a narrow view of beauty,’ Jane thought. Then she felt terrible. ‘Lizzy would do anything for me, yet I never said a word when Mama used to say ‘you are nothing to Jane’ to Lizzy. I could see it hurt her even while she tried to be brave. I was not a good sister to Lizzy or to any of my sisters. I was walking through life wearing blinders!’
As she began to wake up to reality, Jane felt terrible. Had she been a coward? Was she hiding behind her serene mask and her desire to see only good as a way not to face the realities of life?
Those thoughts led her to think of Mr Bingley. She sat and reviewed all of their interactions. ‘He only used to speak of my beauty and that I was an angel. I cannot think of one substantive conversation we ever had in all of the time we spoke whenever we were in company. Did he love me, or was it an infatuation? Surely if he loved me, he would have come back, even if, as Lizzy insists, his sisters and Mr Darcy argued against me? If I truly loved someone, would I give that love up on the say-so of anyone else?’
The more Jane consideredMr Bingley, the more she was able to see that he was rather immature, capricious, and deferred to others to make his decisions for him. ‘Is that the kind of man I could build a stable future with?’ It did not take her long to realise that she could not. ‘How could I marry a man who will not only defer to his sister but allow her to rule the roost as well? Until Mr Bingley becomes his own man, any woman who marries him will not be the mistress of her home.’
Could it be that Miss Bingley had unintentionally done her a good turn? Actually, two of them. Her nasty behaviour had woken Jane from a twenty-year blindness and made her realise Mr Bingley would have been a mistake.
Then she remembered something Mr Bingley had said to her during their stay at Netherfield Park. ‘Mr Bingley said that Lizzy and Mr Darcy only argued, which he disliked, but at least they discussed varying subjects.Were they arguing or debating?
‘I know that Lizzy dislikes Mr Darcy and suspects that he is the worst of men, all based on what she was told. Why did I not point out the impropriety of Mr Wickham making the disclosure he did to one he had only just met? Instead, I tried to make both men right and neither one wrong. If Lizzy had not been set against Mr Darcy because of his slight at the assembly, would she have allowed Lieutenant Wickham to tell her his tale? As the older sister, I should have advised Lizzy instead of the inanities I spouted.’
Something hit Jane. If Lizzy had not cared for Mr Darcy, she would not have reacted to his insult the way she had. Could it be that Lizzy had felt an attraction to the handsome Mr Darcy before he had slighted her at the assembly?
Jane was fully aware that the changes she needed to make to her outlook on life would not be the work of a moment, but she was willing to do what needed to be done. A few minutes later, Aunt Maddie entered the drawing room as she had left the children to their lessons.
“Jane dear, you look rather pensive,” Maddie observed.
“I have had some epiphanies…” Jane proceeded to explain, in a more concise way, what she had remembered and realised.
“I will not make it sound better than it is to spare your feelings,” Maddie responded after cogitating for some moments. “I know your lack of support hurts Lizzy. Your nature would never allow you to do that which she would do, and stand up to defend her, without thought and call out that which was wrong. She knows it was never malicious, so she never held it against you. That did not make the hurt less. You sat by with a serene smile while Fanny hurt not only Lizzy but Mary and Kitty as well. As far as accepting that your friends were not your friends and the truth about Mr Bingley, in my opinion, that is very good for you. It will save you much heartache, and you can now see that which your uncle and I already saw: the problem did not lie with you.”
“It will not be the work of a day, and I am sure there will be times when I need to fight against my inclinations to slip back into my former ways, but I am determined to make changes so that I see the world as it is and not how I desire to see it,” Jane vowed.
“I am very proud of you for coming to these realisations on your own, and I am sure your Uncle Edward will be as well. I agree with your conclusion that although it was not her intent, Miss Bingley helped you.” Maddie stood and gave Jane a hug.
~~~~~~~/~~~~~~~
The Saturday before Easter Sunday, a letter was received from Lizzy. Jane enjoyed her sister’s epistles; they were always newsy and oftentimes amusing. When Lizzy had written to describe the first dinner at Rosings Park, Jane had found much about which to smile. Aunt Maddie excused Jane to peruse the missive. Almost always, there was nothing confidential contained within, and Jane allowedAunt Maddie to read them after her.
27 March 1812
The Parsonage
Hunsford
