“Then we are of an accord. I believe we will be very happy here, and I agree with you. There are a few times in each day when I do not think of Janey, but it may be because we are in a place where we do not see signs of her at every turn,” Elizabeth owned. For the first time, Elizabeth began to feel as if she would recover from Janey’s loss, although it would still take considerably more time.
“Lizzy, I need to ask you something, and if you are not ready to answer, then do not.”
“You may say what you will.”
“Do you think you will ever be able to forgive Mother and Father?”
“I must,” Elizabeth replied succinctly. She did not miss Mary’s eyebrows knit in question. “It would be as much for me as it is for them. I do not want the resentment to fester until I am a bitter person beyond redemption. You know me well enough to realise I was not built to not laugh and enjoy life, and if I hold onto the enmity, I will not ever be happy again. Also, as you well know, it is my Christian duty to do so. Further, Janey would want me to forgive. I would never dishonour her memory by holding a grudge against our parents for the rest of my days. There is a reason I did not forgive our parents before we departed Longbourn.”
“And that is?” Mary prodded.
“When I accept their amends and forgive them, I must mean it. I was far too irate to do so and be sincere when we decamped from Longbourn. Also, I would need to hear our parents understand what they did and own their errors. If you are about to ask me when I will be willing to hear their apologies, I cannot predict when that will be at this moment in time. I can tell you though that each day the wrath I feeltowards Mother and Father lessens. Once it is gone, then I know I will be ready to see them again. If that will be before or after my year of mourning is completed is a question I cannot answer now.”
“That is a healthy way of looking at it,” Mary owned. “I was worried you would never be able to release your outrage at our parents. I, too, will forgive them. Like you, I am not sure when that will be, but in the meanwhile, some distance is a good thing.”
~~~~~~~/~~~~~~~
In the morning, Gardiner was joined by the Lambert parents and his two Bennet nieces while he broke his fast before he commenced his return journey. Lizzy and Mary handed him letters for Maddie.
After his meal, Gardiner shrugged into his heavy coat with the aid of the butler, farewelled his in-laws, kissed each niece on her forehead, and then made the quick walk from the warm house to the not so warm coach. As soon as the door was closed, Gardiner struck the ceiling with his cane and he was off, beginning his journey back to his wife and children.
Chapter 22
Darcy was hoping to see Miss Bennet after he arrived in London to meet with Gardiner on the pretext of needing to review his portfolio. Once he had completed washing and changing from his ride, he stopped at Matlock House. His first concern was to spend time with Giana. She had been playing music he had not heard her perform before, on the grand pianoforte in the music room when he entered the room. It was only when he applauded his sister’s performance at the end of the piece she realised there was someone else in the room besides Mrs Annesley.
“William!” Georgiana enthused. As soon as she recognised how she had reacted, her eyes sunk to the floor again.
Approaching his sister, Darcy placed two fingers below her chin and gently lifted her head. “Are you still weaving that fiction to yourself that I am upset with you over Ramsgate? If you are, cease now. I am not. I have long blamed those who were truly culpable, including myself,” Darcy stated firmly, but kindly .
Seeing his sister was about to protest his lack of culpability, Darcy proceeded before she was able to. “Giana, should you have known better than to agree to an elopement? Yes, you should have, and in fact did, which is why you confessed all to me as soon as I arrived. You have an excuse, you were newly sixteen at the time, and I had done you no favours by shielding you from the truth as I had.”
Her brother’s acknowledgement she had had a part in the almost debacle meant as much to Giana as his writingand being forthright about Miss Elizabeth Bennet. It told her he was ready to treat her as a young lady and not some dainty flower which would be carried away by the wind if someone looked at her too long. “It does my heart good that you are willing to speak of my part in what almost occurred,” Georgiana declared, this time meeting her brother’s gaze. “Why do you hold yourself partially responsible?”
He led his sister over to a settee and sat down facing her once she had taken her place. Darcy saw Mrs Annesley begin to stand to allow the siblings privacy. “As the one who is charged with her safety, I would like you to remain in the room, only close the door please,” Darcy requested. The companion nodded and did as Mr Darcy had asked and then returned to the armchair where she had been seated previously .
He turned back towards his sister. “This is a conversation we should have had sooner, which is what Richard had advised. I still clung to my wrongheaded ideas regarding how to protect you. Our cousin is correct, knowledge is power, and how am I to expect you to make a good decision if you do not have the relevant information?”
Some tears of relief ran unbidden out of Giana’s eyes. “You really do trust me, do you not?” she asked.
“I do, and I should have realised long before this that you are not the little girl you once were, but have been growing into an estimable lady for some years now. It may have been my attempt to hold onto the sister you used to be when you were younger,” Darcy owned. “Other than not arming you with the information about Wickham, it was me who was too proud to question my own judgement and verify Mrs Younge’s characters. Had I done so, those two would never have been able to work on you as they did. Next, the blame lies with the seducer who used his honeyed, but forked tongue to work on you with the aid of your faithless companion.” Darcy paused as he thought of all which had passed in Hertfordshire. “It could have been so much worse. When I think of the pain I witnessedafter the late Miss Bennet was called home to God, I realise just how what almost happened to you pales in comparison. The important word is almost. Nothing actually occurred. I was so afraid of Wickham spreading gossip when I should have realised no one would take the word of a disgraced son of a former steward over mine, especially as my word would be backed up by the Fitzwilliams’ voices. The only power he had to ruin you, was in my head.”
“I thank you for speaking to me like an adult rather than a child,” Georgiana stated gratefully. “I enjoyed reading your candid letter about Hertfordshire, not because of your initial insult, but all which came after, especially the passing of Miss Elizabeth’s sister. It was proof you saw me as more of an equal rather than one who needed to be wrapped in wool and protected. I am so sorry you will not be able to court Miss Elizabeth…Miss Bennet now, until her year of mourning is complete. I am beyond pleased you have finally found a lady who you think can be my sister.”
Georgiana paused as she thought about whether to make a request of her brother. She realised the worst he could do was say no and would not be upset with her for the asking. “Wills, I would very much like to return to Pemberley. Like it is to you, it is a balm to my soul, and there is nothing better than Christmastide at our estate.”
Even had he not agreed with his sister regarding wanting to be at their estate for the festive season, Darcy was disinclined to refuse her anything. He was far too pleased that he had seen her confidence begin to return before his eyes. “Allow me a few days to speak to Bingley as he is situating his younger sister. I will invite him and the Hursts. Whether they are inclined to join us or not, we will depart within a sennight,” he told his sister.
Her whole countenance lit up at the pleasure she felt of their travelling to Pemberley. “Will you invite the Fitzwilliams?” Georgiana gushed.
“I will, actually, I will go speak to our uncle now. Thereafter I have an appointment to see Mr Gardiner… would you like to come? I know how much you enjoy Mrs Gardiner and the children’s company.” Darcy was secretly hoping his sister would meet Miss Bennet and Miss Mary. He was sure they would get along well together.
“Yes, thank you, Wills. I would love to accompany you to see the Gardiners,” Georgiana agreed.
Darcy gave his sister a kiss on the forehead and went to see his uncle. He found the latter in his study, with Andrew, examining a ledger. “William, my boy,” Lord Matlock boomed. “What brings you to London from the wilds of Hertfordshire?”
He explained he had planned to come anyway, but he was also supporting Bingley who was having his sister committed to St Mary Bethlehem Hospital.
“Richard told us the part that insane woman played in the death of Bingley’s love,” Lord Hilldale shook his head. “From what mylittlebrother told us, Bingley has no other option than to commit the shrew. Do you have plans? If not you may accompany Father and me to White’s this afternoon.”
