“Of course I shall, Mama. I am sure Jane and Mary will desire to send letters as well,” Elizabeth replied. “When Jane comes to London to shop for her trousseau, I will be with her as her maid of honour. I would not miss her wedding for all of the gold in the world.”
“I would expect nothing less from you. Go now; you have much to prepare. If you need Sarah to assist you, ring for her,” Fanny stated with a smile.
“Thank you, Mama.” Elizabeth gave her mother a hug, something she had hardly ever done before, and then made her way to her bedchamber after first requesting Sarah, the maid shared by all five Bennet sisters, was summoned.
The packing had just begun when Jane entered their shared bedchamber. “Did I hear correctly when Mama told me you are for London?” Jane enquired.
“Sarah, would you mind allowing Miss Bennet and me to speak. It will not be long, and please close the door when you exit,” Elizabeth requested. The maid bobbed a curtsy and did as she had been asked.
“You know I marry in less than a month, do you not?” Jane verified.
“Of course I do, silly goose. I will see you in London when you come to shop for your trousseau. I will not miss your wedding, as I will travel back to Longbourn with whichever Gardiners attend,” Elizabeth assured her sister.
“Wait. Why would only some of the Gardiners join us?”
“Because Aunt Maddie is increasing. I am not sure if what Uncle Edward said about her sickness in the morning was accurate or a way to help our father agree to allow me togo.”
“It pleases me that you will be at the wedding with the Gardiners, but why do you feel the need to travel right now?”
Elizabeth told Jane her reasons. “You know Papa will not allow me the time and space I will need to discover who I am, and to puzzle over all of the errors I have made, do you not?”
Jane cogitated for some moments. “Given how you have always been guided by Papa, I can see why you feel the need to begin your self-discovery away from Longbourn. I cannot be selfish. As much as I would prefer you to be here until I marry, I know it cannot be. I will see you in a little more than a sennight when we come to London. Will you take your leave of those at Netherfield Park? You would not want Mr Darcy to think you are escaping his presence again, would you?”
“You have the right of it, Janey. I will work with Sarah for the next hour and then you, Mary, and I can go visit.”
After agreeing, Jane summoned Sarah back into the chamber and made her way down to the parlour where the middle Bennet sister was practising on the pianoforte.
~~~~~~~/~~~~~~~
“Welcome Jane, Lizzy, and Mary,” Mrs Hurst said warmly when Nichols announced her friends. “To what do we owe the honour of this call?”
“I came to take my leave of our friends,” Elizabeth stated. She was looking directly at Mr Darcy so he would have no doubt he was included among her friends. “I am for London on the morrow, but I will, of course, be attending Jane’s and Charles’s wedding.” She looked around and saw one resident was missing. “Where is the Colonel? He is well, is he not?”
“Richard is visiting Lucas Lodge,” Lady Rebecca beamed. “He finds himself drawn to that home.”
Although she had seen the spark between Charlotte and the Colonel, Elizabeth did not know if a second son would be able to attach himself to a lady with a small dowry, evenif, as in this case, it was an excellent lady. She could not but be pleased when she saw Lord Hilldale and Mary in close conversation already.
Darcy had not missed the way Miss Elizabeth had held his eye when she had spoken of her friends, but he nevertheless wanted to make sure she did not feel she needed to escape her neighbourhood due to him. If that were the case, it should be he who left until it was his time to stand up with Bingley.
“Miss Elizabeth, would you join Mrs Annesley and myself in the parlour opposite?” Darcy requested.
“I see no reason why not, Mr Darcy,” Elizabeth averred.
It bolstered his confidence that she accepted his request without delay. They entered the same parlour they had when she had requested the conversation with him to speak of Wickham, who was in Hertford waiting for his trial. As she had the previous time, Mrs Annesley sat as far from them as possible.
“Miss Elizabeth, please tell me your desire to make for London is not to escape my company given how often we have been, and will be, with those living at Longbourn,” Darcy wondered.
“No, Mr Darcy, this is not due to you. The frequency we are in company together, or with any others, is not the reason at all. It is all about my own needs…” Elizabeth explained a concise version of why she felt she must go to London. “My hope is my soul searching will provide me with the answers I need to move forward. I am aware that I must confront my father at some point, and as much as I am not looking forward to that, it must be done.”
“I wish I had done that with my father,” Darcy admitted. “I thought I was protecting him by not telling him about Wickham’s proclivities. I was wrong. At least, your father is still in the mortal world, for you to have the conversation youmust.”
Again, Elizabeth burnt with shame over her behaviour towards this man. When he had insulted her, he had said the wrong thing, but he had been spurred by pain. He felt so much guilt over his perceived errors, while she had been motivated by selfishness, and not wanting to admit she was wrong. Yes, her father had encouraged her to behave as she had, but she was twenty, not some little girl. In less than four months she would reach her majority, yet until recently she had behaved as a spoilt child.
“I apologised for my unacceptable behaviour once before, but I feel I need to do so again and again until I am sure I have discovered my true self,” Elizabeth stated contritely.
“My proposal,” Darcy could not but smile as she arched an eyebrow at his use of that particular word, “is, as I was as much at fault as you, we not quarrel for the greater share of blame annexed to our past behaviour one to the other. The conduct of neither, if strictly examined, will be irreproachable; but since then, we have both, I hope, improved in understanding. It is our joint determination to move past our beginning.”
“I will try to do as youproposed, but even though I believe one should only remember the past as that remembrance gives pleasure,” Elizabeth responded, “the second part is onemustlearn from the past so as not to repeat the errors committed before. In my case, until I am able to clearly understand my own character, to divine why I did and said what I did, I will not truly learn from the past. That is the task which lies before me.”
