Sitting beside him, she stole a glance. Firelight played on his recklessly handsome features, the mean cut on his forehead, and the ridges and valleys of his muscles. What words had been on her tongue disappeared as quickly as snow on the desert. She twisted her fingers together. She did not know this man at all nor what he expected. He had saved her and she owed him a great debt. Her mind spun like a bewildered child as their marital night loomed.
Certainly, she was attracted to Joshua, and she came from a country where arranged marriages happened all the time. Couples managed through the years, sometimes barely, and some spouses cheated while the other looked the other way, accepting of their unhappy states.
Images of her father loomed, horrid old wounds surfaced, disallowing her peace. Exhausted from being undesirable and unloved, she wanted more…to break free of the chains of feeling unwanted. To marry for love. Was there such a thing?
She looked at the splintery rafters scored with thorny herbs. He was destined for a life far from what she was accustomed to, and faraway from England. But her new life was not what she was accustomed to either. “The last days have frightened me beyond anything I’ve ever encountered, and I pray never to go through the experience again.”
Her chest panged. Her marital declarations lay fervent upon her heart. To her, marriage, an act consecrated before God, lay indissoluble. The handsome Achilles sprawled next to her. To know his kisses, to feel his warm embrace…wasn’t that what she desired? No.
Joshua had been noble protecting her and his honorable gesture precipitated him to be forced into marriage. But to feel yoked to her? To be miserable in a relationship he never wanted? She couldn’t do that. “I will not hold you to your vows, Joshua.”
In the flickering shadows of the fire, he raised a dark brow. “You mean by way of an annulment?”
Had it been a trick of the light, his earnestness when the vows were spoken? Of course, he had to put on a show for their audience. Why should she expect anything more?
She straightened. “Of course. I’m sure under the circumstances, you—”
“It is just a business arrangement. I went along with the ceremony to save our lives.”
Juliet swallowed. “We are not expected to—”
He tore off another piece of venison. “Eat. It would be a great insult to our hosts.” He ignored her question on completing the marriage. He seemed to be studying the hot coals of the fire, but she felt his full attention on her.
“You will return to England and be dissolved of all ties to me.”
“To England?”
“I can make it happen.”
“How can I repay you?” She dipped her gaze to the furs strewn on the floor. Instinct warned her to flee. There was danger here, close to her, a whisper away.
He saw where her gaze lay and shrugged his shoulders. “I will take you to your cousin at Fort Oswego. I have no need of a wife.”
Her chest squeezed. Her cheeks burned. What had she expected? That he’d been so taken with her that he’d want a real marriage? That for once in this life she’d feel wanted? Her gown grew scratchy as if it were wool chafing her skin instead of soft doeskin. She dragged her palms over her dress. “Do you already have a wife?” The thought of him being a bigamist repulsed her. Yet she was to blame. He’d married her to save her life.
Black laughter stirred his broad shoulders. He leaned close, his breath warm upon her cheek. “Those dreams are long gone.”
A wave of relief washed over her. A strange silence grew between them and she nibbled a piece of cornbread sweetened with honey, nuts and berries, yet bitter upon her tongue. For a moment, she could have sworn she’d seen a flash of remorse cross his face. Guilt? “Has something happened to someone special in your life?”
“My affairs are not your concern.”
He sat in silence, saying nothing at all. Instead of the pain she sensed in him a moment ago, now there was cool detachment. “I wouldn’t want to burden you with a wife. I was just thinking that maybe you and I…might possibly suit.”
“Juliet, this is just a business arrangement, and like you said, you are terrified in the wilderness. I’m gone long days trapping. I couldn’t protect you during my absences.”
She pressed her lips together. “I see. I will not provoke your sensitivities any longer than is necessary nor have you saddled with my company. How do you plan to get me back to England?”
“My first plan is to leave as soon as possible without offending our hosts. There are many braves who are Onontio’s friends determined to make our leave-taking—difficult.”
He did not say he and Two Eagles could dissolve into the forests, yet with two women? To escape with the added burden might bring them to great peril.
Juliet pushed her hair behind her, anxious to be gone from this place.
“You mentioned Captain Snapes?” A vein pulsed in Joshua’s neck.
Images of Snapes’ leering face, his filthy probing fingers…what could have happened…what almost happened. A ping of caution erupted in her chest. What if Joshua and Snapes were friends? A year of indentured servitude had taught her to keep silent or earn a beating.
His face was set in a grim line and she straightened with the ferocity of his inquiry, prompting her to risk telling him the truth. “He was at the Hayes’ farm at the time of the attack. He was in Tionnontigo recently and made a point to inform me he ordered the attack on the Hayes’ as retribution for Horace stealing land from him.”
