How long could she keep up the charade? Dayby day her attraction to Nicholas grew. To pretend she did not havefeelings for him was torture. How many times had she cautionedherself to stop staring at him like a lovesick fool? Would hedismiss her affection? Someone with her hazy lineage might never beelevated to his status.
Yet the intimacy of sleeping side by sidehad her thinking the impossible and a curl of desire grew insideher. They had brushed shoulders from time to time when working orwhen he held her hand to assist her up on a ledge. Other than that,they had kept their relationship familial. But it did not keep herfrom wishing things were different.
She stared at the ceiling, anywhere but athim, laying exhausted and doubting if she’d get a wink of sleep.Was it wrong to imagine laying her head on his chest, and feelinghis heart beat beneath her fingers?
Chapter Ten
Alexandra grabbed hold of the smooth bark ofa mahogany tree and spun around it. “Jump to it, Nicholas. You arehalf asleep today. If we are ever to get to the beach, you’ll haveto quit your lagging.”
Nicholas rubbed fingertips in his tangledhair, tugging the sleep from his mind. He had lain awake most ofthe night, with her lush body inches away. At least, when he hadslept outside he had a physical distance to separate them. But thestorm last night had changed that remoteness. Her smell and softsighs while she slumbered had his body on fire.
She dashed ahead of him, her shift clingingto her rounded hips. He groaned.
“Did you say something?”
I want to throw you down in the sand andmake love to you. He said nothing.
“Are you suffering from ennui, LordNicolas?”
Far from it. He had a lively inner world.What would she feel like, taste like? He had to change the viewbefore the primitive force inside him demand that he reach for herand… Damn it! He pushed ahead of her.
Never had he been in such a constant stateof arousal. “What else can you tell me about life in yourvillage?”
“I cared for the Vicar’s children inexchange for my education. The vicar taught me and had a librarythat gave me access to many books.”
“So that is how you are so well-educated,knowing Paine and other theorists. I must admit, your self-learningis admirable.” He glanced over his shoulder to see how she’d takehis compliment.
She beamed and he took a certain pride inthat fact.
“Vicar Thompson had three adorable children.I taught and cared for them. How I miss their antics and youthfulzeal.
“The twins, Sylvia and Julianna were verybright and a handful, led by their nine-year old, older brother,Jay who is smart with a dash of mischievousness. He liked to hideup in a tree, in company of his sisters and toss apples onunsuspecting villagers. One of their escapades followed the sermontheir father had given about Moses leaving Israel. They captureddozens of frogs and released them on the Cornett sisters’ doorstep,and the sisters shrieking they’d been cursed by a Biblicalplague.”
Nicholas threw back his head and laughed,startling a flock mourning doves. “Of course, you made themiscreants apologize.”
“Heavens no. If I’d known, I might haveadded a frog or two.” She burst out laughing. “Overall, the vicar’schildren were sweet and affectionate and I never tired being withthem.”
So, she liked children. Suddenly, Nicholasdreamed of coming home to a comfy house, the sound of childrenplaying and a loving wife. That loving wife merged into Alexandra’simage. He wiped his damp palms on his breeches.
“What do you wish for, Alexandra?” He wastempted to take her hand in his.
“I’d love to have fried goat cheese withgooseberry sauce. It is my favorite. And to see an opera.”
“No. What do you wishfor?”
She sighed. “Children, lots of them. Runningall around. Christmases, Easters and summers, late nights lookingat the stars and swimming in the ocean.”
“I cannot imagine having children one day,can you?” He’d have to produce an heir someday but with LadySusannah? That notion turned him sour.
She drifted away for a moment. “I’d love tohave children but it won’t happen to me.”
“Why not?”
When she didn’t answer, he retraced hissteps. She had stopped to examine a butterfly on blooming sealavender. Her silence troubled him. Nicholas hated uncertainty, infact, he detested it. He thrived on pure calculation and order. Heweighed all pros and cons, exercising his instinct in crafting animage of the thoughts and motives of the men he dealt with in hisbusiness relations. He did not completely know AlexandraSutherland.
“Why not?” he insisted.
“Did you ever notice how a butterfly has anendless cycle? The egg morphs into a cocoon until it finallyemerges into a butterfly.”
