Heavens, my cheeks are going to burst into flames. I don’t think I’m like Blue. I enjoy hugs and touch. But he has a mate now, and I have no one. So maybe whatever is different about me is more intense? I’ve never exactly had a deep and meaningful heart to heart with Blue about the way he feels things, so I don’t know for sure. What I do know is that this conversation is the worst conversation to have ever happened in the history of the world.
“Are you scared?” Lello says gently, and the compassion in his eyes gets me right in the feels.
Okay, maybe this isn’t the worst conversation ever. These are my friends. My brothers in all but blood, and they care about me. I can be honest with them.
I clear my throat. “I’m ashamed, I guess. I can’t imagine how anyone would want me.”
And just like that, my ability to maintain eye contact is gone. My gaze drops to the floor, and my entire body squirms.
Lello makes a huffing sound. In the periphery of my vision, I see him begin to count on his fingers.
“Red, Pink, Ned, Blue, Gray and me were all in the harem with you. Do you think we are disgusting?”
My head snaps up. “Of course not!”
“Well, there you are!” Lello says with a toss of his head.
The oven beeps, and he hurries over to it. My gaze turns to Gray. Who is staring at me so intensely that it is giving me goosebumps.
“Sex is very different when it is something you choose.”
I lick my lips. “I’m sure it is.”
Okay. I can’t do any more of this. I’ve had enough. I mumble some hasty excuse and flee to my room as if the hounds of hell are on my heels.
I lock my door behind me and flop onto my bed with a sigh.
My friends are the worst, and the very best. Out of all the people in the world, they are going to understand. They were in the harem too, after all. They know exactly what I have been through.
But every single one of them has someone special now. They are all paired up and lovey dovey. Why am I the only one who cannot move on?
Brodie says there is no right or wrong length of time to heal. Everyone is different. But I still feel like the odd one out. Not that that’s the reason I like Flyn. I don’t want a relationship just so I fit in with my friends and I’m like everyone else.
I am genuinely lonely. I like the idea of a relationship. And Flyn is lovely.
I roll over, bury my face into my pillow, and let out a strangled scream. The poor man hasn’t even asked me out on a date and here I am, planning our future together, and thinking about sex.
Sex. Oh goddess.
I wonder if what Flyn said to me a million years ago is true? As I ponder that, the memory begins to play in my mind, as clear as day.
I was in the bathroom at work, washing my hands. I’d been having a bad day and was feeling frazzled.
Flyn sauntered in. He’d been flirting relentlessly, and I thought he followed me into the bathroom on purpose.
To my eternal shame, I snapped at him. “Give it a rest! I’m never going to bend over for you!”
His kind eyes had widened. “Oh man. I thought you were a top. Never been wrong before.”
I’d been too stunned to reply. I just stood there. Water dripping off of my hands and onto the floor. I’m pretty sure I didn’t even blink.
Flyn just smiled softly and left.
I take a deep breath and focus back on the here and now. In my bedroom. Lying on my back. Thinking about Flyn.
Is he right? Am I a top? I’ve never done that. Hell, I’ve never done anything consensually.
And if he thought I was a top, and he was pursuing me incessantly, does that mean he’s a bottom? Would he let me top him?
